Clear Ups

Well I'm home now and I've reread some things I wrote while on my trip and I thought I should clear up some things that may have initially been written incompletely or in haste.

First of all, I don't want to make it sound like the only thing I did was drink and chat it up with random male humans. I don't so much enjoy the whole "going out" thing really any more where you go out just to meet and talk to members of the opposite sex with delusional expectations of "hooking up" or exchanging phone numbers. I did go out one night in California because the girls wanted to show me Sunset, which is really a cool place to be if you are indeed going out. Mostly while there, I talked to Bethany and enjoyed every second of it. I mentioned chatting with guys because that was the most entertaining thing that happened because everything else that happened was merely me sitting with the couple of girls I came with. Definitely a good time, but nothing entertaining and nothing to report about.

Next, the limo driver did not exactly cat call Bethany and me. Rather, as we walked right in front of him, he said "Hey, the champagne is cold and the driver's hot." That's when Ms. Bethany started to negotiate with him for a ride home. At first I don't think he took her seriously. And I didn't take him seriously. And him telling us about the type of sex he prefers wasn't like an invitation. Rather, it was part of telling us about him. For instance..."I used to live in Arizona. I took care of my mother until she died of cancer. I like S&M sex. I've been driving limo for two years. I took care of my father for a while, too." You get the idea. It was almost as though he told this to everyone he met.

In addition to telling people about Boise and the fabled blue turf, I also coached them on how to say Boise properly. In case you're wondering, Boiseans have this weird twitch on the pronunciation of the city's name. If you're from here, you'll say "Boy-see" and if you're not from here you'll say "Boy-zee." Subtle differences but enough to make some people go absolutely postal.

Bethany spent a small portion of my visit spreading rumors about Kelly. She has started calling him the best boyfriend ever and has been quoted as saying, "I want to find myself a Kelly." Even the neighbor said this. I think it is funny that his name has replaced the concept of a good boyfriend in a sentence.

I didn't swipe the magazine for any good reason. It really is a horrible little publication. By that I mean that it is not at all well done. I wanted it because I like to cut words and sayings out of magazines and make collages out of it and do other fun projects. This magazine just had a lot of phrases I thought would be cool to cut out. Swiping magazines from obscure places has recently become a sort of hobby of mine.

And finally, another pearl from Louise...

Johnny: Condom. So you could say, "I've got to grab johnny," "I have johnnies in the drawer," or "Where's johnny?" She said that when boys are young sometimes they'll go by the name Johnny but around 13 or so they realize what a johnny is and they'll start going by John.