Sunday, December 05, 2004
Saturday, December 04, 2004
It's Not Easy
It's really not. I've been having anxiety-ridden dreams. There's so much going on now. So much is getting ready to change. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm scared at the same time. This really isn't as casual as everyone seems to be treating it. This is what I want. Am I ready?
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Washington, D.C.
I just tried to post a huge commentary on my day yesterday in D.C. with Hannah and something happened that made that post disappear and now I'm pissed. So, here's the extremely shortened version.
We went to Vera Wang and tried on wedding dresses just for fun. I tried on three, one of which was nearly $9,000.
We went to the WWII memorial. Two words: absolutely beautiful.
We went to the National Museum of American History where they had a phenomenal exhibit on the history of Brown v. Board of Education. I was frightened at the sight of the KKK robe they had on display and felt oppressed by this empty costume and invisible eyes of malice that stared at me through small eye slits behind the glass pannel. I cried at the video showing riots and actions taken against the black community as they tried to integrate the schools. I cannot believe they would do that to children - innocent, young people who only wanted to be accepted as human beings! A man walked past me at one point and commented to his female companion that he didn't "see what the big deal was." I read recently that my generation is growing increasingly ambivalent to race and is actually more racist on the whole than our parent's generation because we don't think critically about race since we haven't had to deal with the implications of racism like they did. I find it disgusting that we can't live easily with people different from us unless they're struggling just to be heard because otherwise we don't listen and find it so easy to walk away. They had a book there called One Drop of Blood: The American Misadventure of Race that I want to read next semester when I have time off from school.
So back to the trip...We then met her friend Brian who is totally cool and had dinner at a tapas restaurant. Then we drove home. No traffic the entire day, either, which was not only nice but remarkable and relatively unheard of. By the time we arrived at the grad plex, though, we were both having trouble keeping our eyes open. Overall, a wonderful day!
We went to Vera Wang and tried on wedding dresses just for fun. I tried on three, one of which was nearly $9,000.
We went to the WWII memorial. Two words: absolutely beautiful.
We went to the National Museum of American History where they had a phenomenal exhibit on the history of Brown v. Board of Education. I was frightened at the sight of the KKK robe they had on display and felt oppressed by this empty costume and invisible eyes of malice that stared at me through small eye slits behind the glass pannel. I cried at the video showing riots and actions taken against the black community as they tried to integrate the schools. I cannot believe they would do that to children - innocent, young people who only wanted to be accepted as human beings! A man walked past me at one point and commented to his female companion that he didn't "see what the big deal was." I read recently that my generation is growing increasingly ambivalent to race and is actually more racist on the whole than our parent's generation because we don't think critically about race since we haven't had to deal with the implications of racism like they did. I find it disgusting that we can't live easily with people different from us unless they're struggling just to be heard because otherwise we don't listen and find it so easy to walk away. They had a book there called One Drop of Blood: The American Misadventure of Race that I want to read next semester when I have time off from school.
So back to the trip...We then met her friend Brian who is totally cool and had dinner at a tapas restaurant. Then we drove home. No traffic the entire day, either, which was not only nice but remarkable and relatively unheard of. By the time we arrived at the grad plex, though, we were both having trouble keeping our eyes open. Overall, a wonderful day!
Monday, November 29, 2004
To The Hospital
I've taken my laptop to the PC hospital. W&M has a great IT center where you can just drop off your computer and pick it up in a few days problem-free. I'm looking forward to having a healthy little computer again. In the meantime, I'll miss it while it's gone...
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Seventeen
Seventeen was how old I was when I graduated high school. And how old I was when I moved out of my mom's house and to a lonely little dorm in Alamosa, CO. When I was seventeen I had my heart massively broken.
Seventeen magazine.
Seventeen is a low number for a checking account balance. Low, but still positive, which is good.
Seventeen dollars can be represented by three bills.
Seventeen years from now I will be forty, which is another decade entirely. By then, I imagine I won't be in school any more and I may even have kids. When I'm forty, my kids will not be seventeen.
Seventeen ponies dancing in a row. With poodles on their backs and braids in their manes.
Seventeen pages to the end of a book is a good feeling. It's the feeling of being almost there.
Seventeen days until I am home.
Seventeen magazine.
Seventeen is a low number for a checking account balance. Low, but still positive, which is good.
Seventeen dollars can be represented by three bills.
Seventeen years from now I will be forty, which is another decade entirely. By then, I imagine I won't be in school any more and I may even have kids. When I'm forty, my kids will not be seventeen.
Seventeen ponies dancing in a row. With poodles on their backs and braids in their manes.
Seventeen pages to the end of a book is a good feeling. It's the feeling of being almost there.
Seventeen days until I am home.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Hierarchy
A lot of servers at Trellis think that they are the most imperative cog in the machine of the restaurant. I've come to learn, however, that within the restaurant it does not matter how old you are or how educated you are. All that matters is how long you've been there and how well you know the innerworkings of the machine and how well you can work with all the other pieces of that machine. Some of the servers get upset at the dish washers when they get upset about the way we trade them our dishes. The servers don't like being berated by the dish washers, whom they view as being less important. The truth is, though, that the dish washers have all been doing their job longer than any of us have been serving and without them, we have no dishes to take to our tables. The food expediter often gets upset with us servers and treats us like shit, but the truth is that without us, the food would just stay in the kitchen. I really don't think I fit well into this machination of the food world. Seven more days until I'm out.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Giving Thanks
This morning I woke up (after a quite disturbing dream starring me as the semite Native American that I am) and started working. I cleaned the kitchen first, then started making pies. I constructed a pumpkin streudel pie and a homestyle apple pie. Part way through, I ran out of flour, so Hannah and I walked to the Wawa and picked someup. Back at the ranch, I finished my pies, showered, dressed, and we left for her cooperating teacher's house.
Monica's family is wonderful. Her and her husband Jim have three grown children, Chris, Tony and Katie, who were all present. Chris also brought her boyfriend Garrett. I think this was close to being the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. It was very television-family like. The family was warm and inviting with a host of great stories to share with us. We sat around before dinner drinking and talking. We shared what we were thankful for before eating at the table set with the good china and two candelabras. After dinner we all helped clean up and then we sat around digesting while the pies were cooling. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about the pies because I haven't cooked for other people in a while and I've never made that pumpkin streudel pie before. But when we started eating the pies, everyone raved about them. They really were good! Garrett kept telling me that his birthday is this Saturday and that I should bring him another apple pie. I think he ate three pieces. Apparently, he doesn't usually like dessert. After dessert we played a game and then we watched TV for a little while and then Hannah and I left. We figured that since we were tired and that we'd been at their house for eight hours, it was time. We had had such a great time with them, though, that it didn't seem like eight hours at all. It also didn't seem like I was hanging out with strangers, let alone someone else's family. Also, I tried my first bite of tofurkey and it was pretty good!
And, in the spirit of the day, I will give a synopsis of what I am thankful for in my life currently. First of all, I am thankful for a family in Williamsburg who hosted me so incredibly well on my first Thanksgiving away from my family. I am thankful for my own family who has stood by me, not only because they've been there my entire life, but because of the support they have given me in the last year. This last year my life has encountered myriad changes. I've gone from an utterly confirmed single to an engaged woman. I've decided to move across the country and then to change my mind and decide to move back. Through all this, my family has welcomed all this and offered a helping hand. I am thankful for my friends, both new and old, who have aided in the construction of the person I am today. They have all seen me through some sort of identity crisis or two. And finally, I am thankful for the person I have selected as my partner in life, a man who puts up with all my semi-neurotic behavior with minimal complaints and deserves all the love I can muster like no one else I've ever met.
Monica's family is wonderful. Her and her husband Jim have three grown children, Chris, Tony and Katie, who were all present. Chris also brought her boyfriend Garrett. I think this was close to being the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. It was very television-family like. The family was warm and inviting with a host of great stories to share with us. We sat around before dinner drinking and talking. We shared what we were thankful for before eating at the table set with the good china and two candelabras. After dinner we all helped clean up and then we sat around digesting while the pies were cooling. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about the pies because I haven't cooked for other people in a while and I've never made that pumpkin streudel pie before. But when we started eating the pies, everyone raved about them. They really were good! Garrett kept telling me that his birthday is this Saturday and that I should bring him another apple pie. I think he ate three pieces. Apparently, he doesn't usually like dessert. After dessert we played a game and then we watched TV for a little while and then Hannah and I left. We figured that since we were tired and that we'd been at their house for eight hours, it was time. We had had such a great time with them, though, that it didn't seem like eight hours at all. It also didn't seem like I was hanging out with strangers, let alone someone else's family. Also, I tried my first bite of tofurkey and it was pretty good!
And, in the spirit of the day, I will give a synopsis of what I am thankful for in my life currently. First of all, I am thankful for a family in Williamsburg who hosted me so incredibly well on my first Thanksgiving away from my family. I am thankful for my own family who has stood by me, not only because they've been there my entire life, but because of the support they have given me in the last year. This last year my life has encountered myriad changes. I've gone from an utterly confirmed single to an engaged woman. I've decided to move across the country and then to change my mind and decide to move back. Through all this, my family has welcomed all this and offered a helping hand. I am thankful for my friends, both new and old, who have aided in the construction of the person I am today. They have all seen me through some sort of identity crisis or two. And finally, I am thankful for the person I have selected as my partner in life, a man who puts up with all my semi-neurotic behavior with minimal complaints and deserves all the love I can muster like no one else I've ever met.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The Good Body
Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, has published a new book called The Good Body. It "examines the never-ending female quest for conventional beauty and how constantly working on our bodies is keeping women from achieving our dreams," which basically means that I want to read it.
American
Hannah and I have been very American this evening. We ate junk food and complained about everything on campus closing for the holiday. The library is closed until Saturday, which pisses me off because I was planning to do copious amounts of research for my lit review there tomorrow, and the rec center is closed until Monday, which pisses us both off because we've recently made that building our local hang out. As far as I can tell from their web site, however, the student health center will be open tomorrow, which is good because I need to pick up my 3P refill. Otherwise, catastrophies could occur.
Monday, November 22, 2004
Rings
My two Monday night evening classes tend to host a silent forum of girls admiring each other's rings. Engagement or wedding rings, usually. At first, this was something that bothered me. A lot. On some level I think I still am bothered by the traditional femaleness of the display of the material body-mark of "ownership" by another human, but I have also come to see it as more than that.
The ring isn't just something that a girl can wear to show off how much she's materially loved by a man. It is something that bonds girls together. The ring can spark a number of different conversations. She may ask about the fiance...his name, his job, what he drives...She may ask how he proposed, and may share her own story as well. She may ask about the wedding...when, where, flowers, dress...Or the conversation may stay on the topic of jewelry itself. The possibilities are endless. The ring is an open door for a conversation, bringing two women to a place of common ground where they can talk about themselves and therefore bond with each other.
I've been thinking a lot about my own ring lately and what it means for me. Kelly and I are both wearing rings now, because I wasn't about to wear one and be the only one (for reasons of bodily markings mentioned above), but also because he wanted to wear one. The ring he's wearing now is kind of a fake one (long story), but I have purchased his real one. I gave it to him while he was here, but it was too big so he'll be wearing the fake one until I move home in 24 days with the new, real one in tow. When he gave me my ring he also gave me a little speech about loving me and wanting to spend the rest of his life being happy with me. When I gave him his ring, I gave him a little speech about wanting to show that I am ready to make whatever changes necessary to let everyone who sees us know that we live for each other. In thinking about my own ring, I am also mindful of the fact that I need to get it cleaned before Christmas.
Thinking about rings has prompted me to think about our wedding. This event, which I had never thought would be much of a big deal, is turning into something huge. Not huge in size, but huge in importance. I think that our current separation is making that more apparent for me. At our wedding, we will be telling each other in front of everyone we know and love and who love us in return that we love each other and will promise to spend every day together until death should part us. It means so much more after this separation - to me, at least - because I hear him talk about spending time with people every day who either don't know me or have only met me a couple times. In their minds, I am distant. In some of their minds, I could be merely a figment of Kelly's imagination. Moving home will end that and our marriage will solidify my own reality in his life as well as our reality as a devoted partnership.
The ring isn't just something that a girl can wear to show off how much she's materially loved by a man. It is something that bonds girls together. The ring can spark a number of different conversations. She may ask about the fiance...his name, his job, what he drives...She may ask how he proposed, and may share her own story as well. She may ask about the wedding...when, where, flowers, dress...Or the conversation may stay on the topic of jewelry itself. The possibilities are endless. The ring is an open door for a conversation, bringing two women to a place of common ground where they can talk about themselves and therefore bond with each other.
I've been thinking a lot about my own ring lately and what it means for me. Kelly and I are both wearing rings now, because I wasn't about to wear one and be the only one (for reasons of bodily markings mentioned above), but also because he wanted to wear one. The ring he's wearing now is kind of a fake one (long story), but I have purchased his real one. I gave it to him while he was here, but it was too big so he'll be wearing the fake one until I move home in 24 days with the new, real one in tow. When he gave me my ring he also gave me a little speech about loving me and wanting to spend the rest of his life being happy with me. When I gave him his ring, I gave him a little speech about wanting to show that I am ready to make whatever changes necessary to let everyone who sees us know that we live for each other. In thinking about my own ring, I am also mindful of the fact that I need to get it cleaned before Christmas.
Thinking about rings has prompted me to think about our wedding. This event, which I had never thought would be much of a big deal, is turning into something huge. Not huge in size, but huge in importance. I think that our current separation is making that more apparent for me. At our wedding, we will be telling each other in front of everyone we know and love and who love us in return that we love each other and will promise to spend every day together until death should part us. It means so much more after this separation - to me, at least - because I hear him talk about spending time with people every day who either don't know me or have only met me a couple times. In their minds, I am distant. In some of their minds, I could be merely a figment of Kelly's imagination. Moving home will end that and our marriage will solidify my own reality in his life as well as our reality as a devoted partnership.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Payday
I received my first actual paycheck from Trellis today. Now, I knew going into this that waiting tables would not produce large paychecks because the primary means of income for a server was in the tips. However, what I found on my paycheck still surprised me. Here's the breakdown:
38.5 hours at $2.13
and
1 hour at $5.15
After taxes, my paycheck amounted to $5.37. No, not a typo. That's just over five dollars. So for anyone who has never waited tables or known anyone who has waited tables and think that tipping isn't all that important, here ya go.
Oh, yeah, and that's for two weeks worth of work. So every two weeks, I get to look forward to an extra five bucks. Now that's just plain overwhelming!
38.5 hours at $2.13
and
1 hour at $5.15
After taxes, my paycheck amounted to $5.37. No, not a typo. That's just over five dollars. So for anyone who has never waited tables or known anyone who has waited tables and think that tipping isn't all that important, here ya go.
Oh, yeah, and that's for two weeks worth of work. So every two weeks, I get to look forward to an extra five bucks. Now that's just plain overwhelming!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Tonight
I don't care how much Kelly laughs at me for it, but tonight was a lot of fun. He just laughs because he doesn't know any better.
Tonight, Surita and Helene came over. We drank wine and ate bread dipped in extra virgin olive oil and garlic pepper. They are both big "OC" fans. It's a TV show. I've never seen it, but whatever. Then we watched "Happy Birthday, Jessica, Love, Nick" on MTV because Surita is a huge Jessica Simpson fan. Then - and maybe it was because this was our last night of group or maybe it was the wine - we showed each other our breasts and talked about them. Because that's something that a lot of girls are self-conscious about, no matter how many men tell her they're beautiful (Because honestly, no man is going to say, "No, actually, I think your boobs are hideous. Please put your shirt back on."), and have relatively no venue to discuss that concern openly. So we discussed that tonight. Then I signed up for AOL messenger because that's what all the cool people on the east coast do, apparently, whereas all the rest of us in mountain standard time use MSN messenger. And I had a really great time with them.
They've also, as a side note, started talking about having a going-away-party for me. I love that idea. I've never really had one of those before. I've never been tight with a large group of people before in my entire life - not like I am here. I usually just have a couple of close friends or separate circles that I hang out with. Nothing like this, where everyone knows everyone else and we all - for the most part - get along. I am really going to miss this. I've always been envious of people who have had this. But alas, I will have other things. The moral of the story is that I really hope that there is some sort of a going-away-ness for me...If anything just because this is the first time in my life when I will have that opportunity...and quite possibly the last...
I mean, I've had going-away parties before, but not with all my friends present. This would be the only time that that would be at all possible.
OK, I'm repeating myself. And if I keep thinking about it, I just may end up crying a little. So I'm done.
Tonight, Surita and Helene came over. We drank wine and ate bread dipped in extra virgin olive oil and garlic pepper. They are both big "OC" fans. It's a TV show. I've never seen it, but whatever. Then we watched "Happy Birthday, Jessica, Love, Nick" on MTV because Surita is a huge Jessica Simpson fan. Then - and maybe it was because this was our last night of group or maybe it was the wine - we showed each other our breasts and talked about them. Because that's something that a lot of girls are self-conscious about, no matter how many men tell her they're beautiful (Because honestly, no man is going to say, "No, actually, I think your boobs are hideous. Please put your shirt back on."), and have relatively no venue to discuss that concern openly. So we discussed that tonight. Then I signed up for AOL messenger because that's what all the cool people on the east coast do, apparently, whereas all the rest of us in mountain standard time use MSN messenger. And I had a really great time with them.
They've also, as a side note, started talking about having a going-away-party for me. I love that idea. I've never really had one of those before. I've never been tight with a large group of people before in my entire life - not like I am here. I usually just have a couple of close friends or separate circles that I hang out with. Nothing like this, where everyone knows everyone else and we all - for the most part - get along. I am really going to miss this. I've always been envious of people who have had this. But alas, I will have other things. The moral of the story is that I really hope that there is some sort of a going-away-ness for me...If anything just because this is the first time in my life when I will have that opportunity...and quite possibly the last...
I mean, I've had going-away parties before, but not with all my friends present. This would be the only time that that would be at all possible.
OK, I'm repeating myself. And if I keep thinking about it, I just may end up crying a little. So I'm done.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Election Goodness
There is some good that comes of the election results, I have decided. Now I have an excuse to wear the "Knitters Against Bush" shirt. Because I am. A knitter against Bush. Now all I need is to obtain said t-shirt. In case you're feeling generous, I wear a medium in the "March on Washington" style.
Huh.
So I'm delaying doing this thing they call homework. I think I've already done quite a bit this morning, although it has all been little, easy stuff. Like emailing group members repeatedly and writing a press release, which I can effectively do in my sleep, thanks to the ladies in Boise State's News Services. Now I need to work on my final for my theories class and write a reflection paper for group. Neither one difficult, but neither one particularly interesting, either. Huh.
-----
I currently have an overflowing box of my personal items that I need to get rid of. Some clothes, some paper, some highlighters. Like 30 highlighters. I received a bunch for free once and have just been holding on to them. I've decided to set them free...To give them a new home with someone else who needs new highlighters. I also have some random wooden picture frames that I hate. They're nice and all, I just am not a huge fan of wooden picture frames lately. So if anyone would like to acquire some new stuff that at one time belonged to me, please just stop on by.
-----
It has been a while since I've put any links within my text for people to check out. I wonder if anyone ever did that anyway. I really have no way of knowing. I just realized that it has been a while since I've provided you with that opportunity. It has also been a while since I've placed any photos on here. This is because I really have no way of doing that. If I had a digital camera I probably would do that more often. But I don't. So I can't. Huh.
-----
I attended a conference (sort of) on Monday in D.C. for school counselors. Actually (and why I say "sort of"), it was more like an informal meeting just for school counseling students at W&M. All 20 of us. Whatever. It was still all day and in D.C. and very informative. Throughout the course of the day, I found myself sitting there thinking "Wow...This is all really great information. I wish this was what I wanted to do so that I could use this information in my near future." Surita, however, was salivating at the chance to be able to use this information in her near future. I suppose that just further illustrates the differences in people and my firm resolution that this is not what I want to do. I actually went to this conference thinking to myself that I would allow it to change my mind back if possible...that I would not be resistant to being inspired or coerced. These things did not happen.
-----
My goal for the day is to drink three litres of water. I have already consumed one and one third and I'll be attending a hip-hop class later tonight, so I'm sure I'll make it.
-----
I love burning candles that smell nice. I'm not a huge vanilla fan, though. I think I was so addicted to it in high school that now the scent simply repulses me. I enjoy a variety. Lately I've been burning a holiday cobbler candle in the apartment. I like lighter, less musky scents.
-----
I'm really not looking forward to spending Thanksgiving alone this year. I think that maybe I'll stop whining about it, though, and start planning to have a good time without my family. I guess that's the only way I'll make it through without being all depressed like a loser.
-----
I have a difficult time remembering that certain situations affect more people than just me. I also have a difficult time remembering to apologize for my ego-centrism. I need to work on that.
-----
I'm still delaying the homework. I think I'm going to go to the bathroom (to delay just a little more and because I've already consumed 1 1/3 litres of water) and then return to my desk with fervor and readied typing fingers.
-----
I currently have an overflowing box of my personal items that I need to get rid of. Some clothes, some paper, some highlighters. Like 30 highlighters. I received a bunch for free once and have just been holding on to them. I've decided to set them free...To give them a new home with someone else who needs new highlighters. I also have some random wooden picture frames that I hate. They're nice and all, I just am not a huge fan of wooden picture frames lately. So if anyone would like to acquire some new stuff that at one time belonged to me, please just stop on by.
-----
It has been a while since I've put any links within my text for people to check out. I wonder if anyone ever did that anyway. I really have no way of knowing. I just realized that it has been a while since I've provided you with that opportunity. It has also been a while since I've placed any photos on here. This is because I really have no way of doing that. If I had a digital camera I probably would do that more often. But I don't. So I can't. Huh.
-----
I attended a conference (sort of) on Monday in D.C. for school counselors. Actually (and why I say "sort of"), it was more like an informal meeting just for school counseling students at W&M. All 20 of us. Whatever. It was still all day and in D.C. and very informative. Throughout the course of the day, I found myself sitting there thinking "Wow...This is all really great information. I wish this was what I wanted to do so that I could use this information in my near future." Surita, however, was salivating at the chance to be able to use this information in her near future. I suppose that just further illustrates the differences in people and my firm resolution that this is not what I want to do. I actually went to this conference thinking to myself that I would allow it to change my mind back if possible...that I would not be resistant to being inspired or coerced. These things did not happen.
-----
My goal for the day is to drink three litres of water. I have already consumed one and one third and I'll be attending a hip-hop class later tonight, so I'm sure I'll make it.
-----
I love burning candles that smell nice. I'm not a huge vanilla fan, though. I think I was so addicted to it in high school that now the scent simply repulses me. I enjoy a variety. Lately I've been burning a holiday cobbler candle in the apartment. I like lighter, less musky scents.
-----
I'm really not looking forward to spending Thanksgiving alone this year. I think that maybe I'll stop whining about it, though, and start planning to have a good time without my family. I guess that's the only way I'll make it through without being all depressed like a loser.
-----
I have a difficult time remembering that certain situations affect more people than just me. I also have a difficult time remembering to apologize for my ego-centrism. I need to work on that.
-----
I'm still delaying the homework. I think I'm going to go to the bathroom (to delay just a little more and because I've already consumed 1 1/3 litres of water) and then return to my desk with fervor and readied typing fingers.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Bathroom Stuff
For anyone who doesn't know me very well, I will just let you know that I own many things that go in the bathroom...shampoos, conditioners, lotions, make-up...you name it. And I use all of it. Not all at the same time, mind you, but through time and on different days, I use all of it. Right now all my stuff is spread out because I don't have enough room in the bathroom for it. In the bathroom I have a little metal stand that is not condusive to the bottles standing erect, but rather, the little shelves make my little bottles topple over, which makes my shelves look cluttered in a way I deem unnecessary.
Here is my dream...I dream that I have a space in the bathroom that is all mine. Perhaps a cupboard above the toilet. It has solid shelves rather than shelves made of small metal bars spaced too far apart. It has doors so that my effects are shielded from on-lookers who may complain in exasperation and so that the bathroom maintains an air of tidiness. There is an area where I can place little containers to separate out my lipglosses from my eyeliners rather than keeping them in my too small make-up bag. It will even have ample room for me to place my curling irons, blow dryer and hair brushes as well as somewhere to place my jewelry.
I don't like the idea of having a vanity, but this idea absolutely makes me giddy. It is my great hope that I shall have this exquisite set-up in my lifetime.
Here is my dream...I dream that I have a space in the bathroom that is all mine. Perhaps a cupboard above the toilet. It has solid shelves rather than shelves made of small metal bars spaced too far apart. It has doors so that my effects are shielded from on-lookers who may complain in exasperation and so that the bathroom maintains an air of tidiness. There is an area where I can place little containers to separate out my lipglosses from my eyeliners rather than keeping them in my too small make-up bag. It will even have ample room for me to place my curling irons, blow dryer and hair brushes as well as somewhere to place my jewelry.
I don't like the idea of having a vanity, but this idea absolutely makes me giddy. It is my great hope that I shall have this exquisite set-up in my lifetime.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Birthday Fun
I just realized that I didn't mention any of the fun stuff Kelly and I did while he was here. Well, I had told him that the entire time he was in Virginia it was to be considered his birthday, so I told him "Happy Birthday" as much as I possibly could.
Thursday we went shopping for new panties for me to wear and him to appreciate. (Sorry for that one Dad, I couldn't help but throw it in there just for you.) Then he took Hannah to the Richmond airport while I went to my group therapy class. Afterwards, we went to dinner with a bunch of people from my program, which was fun for two reasons: 1) Kelly was able to meet a ton of people I spend my days with, and 2) it gave everyone a good reason to wind down and hang out. That night, Surita brought a birthday cake over that she had made for him and the three of us, along with her boyfriend Chris and Helene, ate cake and hung out. Then Helene went home and the remaining four of us went to the local deli for a drink.
Friday morning started at a local elementary school where Kelly helped my intro class with a literacy project we were doing with the kids. Then we came back to my apartment, watched movies, took a nap and snacked all afternoon.
Saturday (the actual day of birth) I woke up before Kelly (not unusual) and made him a huge breakfast of eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, toast and orange juice, which I delivered to him in bed. It helped my cause immensely that he's a heavy sleeper and when I told him that I had to go do something and that I would be right back, in his sleepy state he didn't find that at all suspicious. Then we went to the Williamsburg Winery for a winery tour, a tasting of eight wines and a very delicious lunch. Afterward, we went to the shop where I last tried on wedding dresses so I could show him the dresses I had liked there. Then we came back to my apartment and took a little (much needed after all the wine) cat nap before heading out to the final surprise for the weekend - a historic ghost tour. There's a company here in the Burg that does these historic ghost tours and when I found out about it, I knew I wanted to take Kelly for his birthday. That was about two months ago. The tour covered a little about the college (since the college is literally across the street from the colonial part of town) and then we walked through part of the colonial streets. Our tour guide was the tiniest British woman who was absolutely fantastic. We decided we would like to take her home with us, we liked her so much.
So that was our weekend in a nutshell. I had such a superb time! While he was here, it was difficult to remember a time when he hadn't been here. I've noticed that about when we're together - that it just seems like we've always been together. That feeling leaves me confident for the time when our separation will terminate...for the time when we will be able to spend each night together and each day counting the mornings we've shared rather than the mornings until we have to say "Good bye." After this little visit, I feel invigorated. I feel ready to finish the semester strong, in order to pass the time quickly. I feel excited to pack and prepare to move myself back to Boise. Mostly, though, I feel ready to begin a new chapter in my life, one with Kelly by my side each and every day. I am ready to do what it takes to make that the only reality we know, and to make the reality of our separation a mere memory.
Thursday we went shopping for new panties for me to wear and him to appreciate. (Sorry for that one Dad, I couldn't help but throw it in there just for you.) Then he took Hannah to the Richmond airport while I went to my group therapy class. Afterwards, we went to dinner with a bunch of people from my program, which was fun for two reasons: 1) Kelly was able to meet a ton of people I spend my days with, and 2) it gave everyone a good reason to wind down and hang out. That night, Surita brought a birthday cake over that she had made for him and the three of us, along with her boyfriend Chris and Helene, ate cake and hung out. Then Helene went home and the remaining four of us went to the local deli for a drink.
Friday morning started at a local elementary school where Kelly helped my intro class with a literacy project we were doing with the kids. Then we came back to my apartment, watched movies, took a nap and snacked all afternoon.
Saturday (the actual day of birth) I woke up before Kelly (not unusual) and made him a huge breakfast of eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, toast and orange juice, which I delivered to him in bed. It helped my cause immensely that he's a heavy sleeper and when I told him that I had to go do something and that I would be right back, in his sleepy state he didn't find that at all suspicious. Then we went to the Williamsburg Winery for a winery tour, a tasting of eight wines and a very delicious lunch. Afterward, we went to the shop where I last tried on wedding dresses so I could show him the dresses I had liked there. Then we came back to my apartment and took a little (much needed after all the wine) cat nap before heading out to the final surprise for the weekend - a historic ghost tour. There's a company here in the Burg that does these historic ghost tours and when I found out about it, I knew I wanted to take Kelly for his birthday. That was about two months ago. The tour covered a little about the college (since the college is literally across the street from the colonial part of town) and then we walked through part of the colonial streets. Our tour guide was the tiniest British woman who was absolutely fantastic. We decided we would like to take her home with us, we liked her so much.
So that was our weekend in a nutshell. I had such a superb time! While he was here, it was difficult to remember a time when he hadn't been here. I've noticed that about when we're together - that it just seems like we've always been together. That feeling leaves me confident for the time when our separation will terminate...for the time when we will be able to spend each night together and each day counting the mornings we've shared rather than the mornings until we have to say "Good bye." After this little visit, I feel invigorated. I feel ready to finish the semester strong, in order to pass the time quickly. I feel excited to pack and prepare to move myself back to Boise. Mostly, though, I feel ready to begin a new chapter in my life, one with Kelly by my side each and every day. I am ready to do what it takes to make that the only reality we know, and to make the reality of our separation a mere memory.
If It Ain't King James It Ain't Bible
I find that some things that appear in my daily life are true and accurate representations of this area as a whole, in an overgeneralized and overstereotyped version of my experience here. For instance, the bumpersticker I witnessed while driving back to Williamsburg from the Norfolk airport this morning, which doubled for me as the title of this post. No, I did not leave out any punctuation or articles.
Williamsburg is an interesting place, for certain. No more do I marvel at what people wear - not since seeing people in standard 18th century dress has become commonplace in the grocery store or at the bar. Er, uh, the deli. I have grown accustomed to stopping in the middle of the road - not necessarily at a crosswalk - to allow a gaggle of tourists to walk in front of my car like a mess of geese. People here refer to foothills as "large mountains." People here forget to use verbs. There is a standard decorum to uphold, which includes not showing too much skin in the summer by wearing a spaghetti-strapped tank top. Names and money are of particular importance here. As are bricks. There are some days I can convince myself that I'm living in a literal war zone because I can hear cannons bursting from the war reinactments nearby. And you never go too long without hearing a fife and drum corps walking down the street.
Yes, this is where I live.
Williamsburg is an interesting place, for certain. No more do I marvel at what people wear - not since seeing people in standard 18th century dress has become commonplace in the grocery store or at the bar. Er, uh, the deli. I have grown accustomed to stopping in the middle of the road - not necessarily at a crosswalk - to allow a gaggle of tourists to walk in front of my car like a mess of geese. People here refer to foothills as "large mountains." People here forget to use verbs. There is a standard decorum to uphold, which includes not showing too much skin in the summer by wearing a spaghetti-strapped tank top. Names and money are of particular importance here. As are bricks. There are some days I can convince myself that I'm living in a literal war zone because I can hear cannons bursting from the war reinactments nearby. And you never go too long without hearing a fife and drum corps walking down the street.
Yes, this is where I live.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Yay!
Kelly came in last night. It is a darn good thing I'm perpetually early to things because I arrived at the same exact time that his plane landed...A HALF HOUR EARLY. Ah, but he's here and the fun can begin. I gave him a polaroid camera last night and he was surprised and wondering how I knew he had always wanted one. Gee, could it be that I actually listen when he talks? No...Couldn't be. So, lots of other fun stuff to do this weekend, but I can't talk about it here because who knows how or when he'll get his crafty little hands on a computer. Can't take any chances of ruining stuff. See, if I tell him and nothing is a surprise, it's just like any other day of the year. This weekend is his birthday and that means everything is going to be special.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Dr. Day-VInes
Dr. Day-Vines is my advisor here at William & Mary. There's something about her that makes me just want to hang out with her all the time. I went into her office today to talk to her about my decision to switch programs and schools and wound up talking for quite a while about Kelly and my kids. When I gave her the news, she looked genuinely sad. She said that she was really going to miss me but that she wishes me the best and volunteered to write me a letter of recommendation and asked me to stay in touch with her. I didn't think that she would be so affected or care that much, so her response is particularly touching. I respect her and find her to be such a fascinating person...it makes me glad she likes me and cares about me that much.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Pondering By The Window
Here's a little something I wrote today...Minimal, timely edits included. This is in response to multiple and varied people.
I'm sitting in the library next to the window, looking out at life on the east coast changing to fit the newest autumn color scheme. Transitional seasons have always been my favorites because each day brings a crisp, unseen face to the world. It is a beautiful process that Mother Nature conducts effortlessly; a gentle fade from one period to the next.
I suppose, then, that it is appropriate for me at this time to contemplate what I am doing and contemplate a change in my life. I thought i wanted to be a school counselor mostly based on a bad Jennifer Aniston film. Now that I'm learning more about the program and my future with the profession, I'm boubting the verity of my choice.
I know what I want to do. I want to study literature or teaching and I want to teach high school English. When I talk to people about it though, they're concerned that Kelly is the cause for my change in focus, when in reality, he has very little to do with it. This program is not what I thought it would be. At first I loved it, but the deeper into it I go, the less I want to continue with it. I don't like the research. I don't like APA format. There are no new ideas/concepts I didn't study in undergrad and what new literature I do come across no longer excites me. I don't like the national conception of the job. I don't like my future prospects with the job. This is NOT what I thought it would be. This is NOT what I wanted.
So, how is it wrong, then, for me to change my mind, my future, my direction? Williamsburg is a great place, but it is not the place for me. I don't really fit in here. So why should I stay? What will I prove? That I can live without Kelly? That seems to be a big concern when people try to tell me this is a bad idea.
Here's a little tid bit for you: This is not about Kelly.
Yes, I miss him and yes, I want to be with him and yes, I want to attend Boise State for my teaching program, but this decision about MY schooling is a decision about ME. Yes, it affects him because it affects me, but I am not going to make a decision based on his immediate goals or needs or even his version of my future. He wants me to make the decision that will make ME happy. And I won't be 100% happy if I stay here and if I stay in this program.
I want to return to Boise. I will live with Kelly six blocks from campus and will take classes at a discounted rate because he is a state employee and we'll be married, so that benefit extends to me. I want a classroom rather than an office. I want to tell people what I do and not have them ask what exactly that entails. I want to talk literature all day and teach young people how to communicate their thoughts through the written word.
And I'm sick of people cautioning me against this because they view Kelly's role in this as my driving force in decreasing myself in the educational process because of their own personal biases against relationships. Maybe I will start a new program and hate it. Maybe I will change my mind again. Maybe I will change my mind back to school counseling. Whichever way I do things, this change is not wrong and it is not a demotation of myself in the educational process. It is difficult to be a teacher and the position of "teacher" is one I think is not regarded nearly as highly as it should be. In my opinion, being a teacher is more important - if only just for the average student (who rarely visits the counselor's office) - than being a school counselor.
I'm still open to feedback on this issue - feedback that does not involve Kelly, but rather focuses on my educational goals as an individual. Feedback about things like how well I would do as a teacher and if I'm good with writing and literature. A few people have already done this; the people who honestly know me have told me honestly about me, without talking about how I'm "making a decision for Kelly." Because these people know me and know I wouldn't do that.
I think it is easy to make a rash decision based on the pangs and twangs of your heart, but if you're making an (attempted) educated decision about the rest of your life, things are a little different. That's what this is. Counseling or teaching is the debate this time, not whether or not I want to be with Kelly. I already have that one figured out.
I'm sitting in the library next to the window, looking out at life on the east coast changing to fit the newest autumn color scheme. Transitional seasons have always been my favorites because each day brings a crisp, unseen face to the world. It is a beautiful process that Mother Nature conducts effortlessly; a gentle fade from one period to the next.
I suppose, then, that it is appropriate for me at this time to contemplate what I am doing and contemplate a change in my life. I thought i wanted to be a school counselor mostly based on a bad Jennifer Aniston film. Now that I'm learning more about the program and my future with the profession, I'm boubting the verity of my choice.
I know what I want to do. I want to study literature or teaching and I want to teach high school English. When I talk to people about it though, they're concerned that Kelly is the cause for my change in focus, when in reality, he has very little to do with it. This program is not what I thought it would be. At first I loved it, but the deeper into it I go, the less I want to continue with it. I don't like the research. I don't like APA format. There are no new ideas/concepts I didn't study in undergrad and what new literature I do come across no longer excites me. I don't like the national conception of the job. I don't like my future prospects with the job. This is NOT what I thought it would be. This is NOT what I wanted.
So, how is it wrong, then, for me to change my mind, my future, my direction? Williamsburg is a great place, but it is not the place for me. I don't really fit in here. So why should I stay? What will I prove? That I can live without Kelly? That seems to be a big concern when people try to tell me this is a bad idea.
Here's a little tid bit for you: This is not about Kelly.
Yes, I miss him and yes, I want to be with him and yes, I want to attend Boise State for my teaching program, but this decision about MY schooling is a decision about ME. Yes, it affects him because it affects me, but I am not going to make a decision based on his immediate goals or needs or even his version of my future. He wants me to make the decision that will make ME happy. And I won't be 100% happy if I stay here and if I stay in this program.
I want to return to Boise. I will live with Kelly six blocks from campus and will take classes at a discounted rate because he is a state employee and we'll be married, so that benefit extends to me. I want a classroom rather than an office. I want to tell people what I do and not have them ask what exactly that entails. I want to talk literature all day and teach young people how to communicate their thoughts through the written word.
And I'm sick of people cautioning me against this because they view Kelly's role in this as my driving force in decreasing myself in the educational process because of their own personal biases against relationships. Maybe I will start a new program and hate it. Maybe I will change my mind again. Maybe I will change my mind back to school counseling. Whichever way I do things, this change is not wrong and it is not a demotation of myself in the educational process. It is difficult to be a teacher and the position of "teacher" is one I think is not regarded nearly as highly as it should be. In my opinion, being a teacher is more important - if only just for the average student (who rarely visits the counselor's office) - than being a school counselor.
I'm still open to feedback on this issue - feedback that does not involve Kelly, but rather focuses on my educational goals as an individual. Feedback about things like how well I would do as a teacher and if I'm good with writing and literature. A few people have already done this; the people who honestly know me have told me honestly about me, without talking about how I'm "making a decision for Kelly." Because these people know me and know I wouldn't do that.
I think it is easy to make a rash decision based on the pangs and twangs of your heart, but if you're making an (attempted) educated decision about the rest of your life, things are a little different. That's what this is. Counseling or teaching is the debate this time, not whether or not I want to be with Kelly. I already have that one figured out.
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