When This Semester Is Over...

I will sleep in. Then I will lay in bed thinking about all the things I don't have to get done by Tuesday.

I will take a long, hot bath. In the bath I will bask in the knowledge that I have nothing to do.

I will hang out with my friends freely and without hesitation because I will have no homework looming over my head.

I will read a book of my choice. And maybe a magazine too. I will do so knowing that I'm not stealing precious homework time away from myself.

I will waste time on the internet without the thought that I should be doing research looming in the back of my mind.

Boiling Frogs

Isn't it interesting how a frog can sit in a pot of water, adjusting all the time to the change in water temperature even until the water boils, and not die?

Sometimes I think people are like that too.

December 14

December 14 is my official last day of the semester. That's only 17 days away. Of course, after that I still have to grade all my final ENGL101 portfolios, read ahead for next semester, work full-time at the shelter, have two good and huge holidays, travel twice, plan my ENGL101 classes for next semester and be a normal, stress-free human being, but at least this semester will be over. That means only three semesters left. So for the next 17 days I will be doing nothing fun. I will say no to all opportunities to leave the house in an act of socialization with friends. I will turn down acts of gaiety and frivolity. I will instead steep myself in books, papers and laptop screens. For 17 days I will not feel the freedom of pleasurable afternoons or lazy mornings. No; I will instead feel the burden of stress upon my body, soul and mind. I will liken myself to other, past tortured souls...concentration camp victims, witches put on trial in Salem, dysentery-ridden children starving on the African plains, and those cute, little cartoon mice who huddle behind the poor man's wall in the dead of winter and fight each other for one lonely bread crumb.

In your face, Kathy!

Yesterday, Kelly and I finished reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. On the drive to Portland I started reading it out loud for both of us. He read some more before we got there. Then I finished it on the way home. We both liked it and found it a very well-written book. We are both looking forward to reading the next in the series. We've also found that we liked reading it outloud like that and have decided to do that with more YA fiction. Therefore, we're starting the Narnia series next.

Lani has it figured out.

The last time Kelly and I went to Portland we went to supper with his parents and neice, Lani, who's about 10- or 11-years old. The topic came up about my stint as a waitress in Williamsburg and what a miserable, horrible job I thought it was.

Lani contributed to the conversation with the infinite wisdom that childhood will bring you. "Why didn't you just become a model?" she asked, as though that was such an obvious choice that I was silly for not previously considering it.

Well, I've thought about that again recently. I think she's right. I am going to give up on all this higher education nonsense and become a model. Of course, I will have to start starving myself and brushing my teeth with Borax to get them perfectly white, but at this point I think even that is easier than grad school.

Surprise!!!

Last Sunday was Kelly's birthday. I spent two weeks beforehand lying to him about it because I planned the world's coolest surprise birthday party for him. I threw one last little kid party before the big 3-0 next year. It was great! We had it at Boondocks - a little arcade place that serves pizza and has laser tag. We played unlimited laser tag for three hours, ate pizza and ice cream cake, and put tokens in the machines like we were five again. Here's a shout out to all the friends and family who not only showed up that afternoon but helped me pull it off.

I like it when

I wake up and the sun is shining.

my dog just knows, almost intuitively, how he should behave.

I get to lay in bed with Kelly for a little while before putting Radley out.

I finish a knitting project.

the dishes are done.

my house smells nice.

I see my neighbors in their yard so I can talk with them.

people come over for dinner.

all my homework is done.

my hair lays just right.

I have happy dreams.

I have weekend plans, much like this weekend.

Kelly and I watch Boise State games together. He gets really into the games and yells and throws his hat when the team does something he disagrees with.

I make myself go to the gym and work out.

my students aren't dead when they come to class.

"I hate class presentations" pulls nothing up on Google

I tend to get a little stressed out when teachers expect me to present stuff creatively. Especially when I don't trust the teacher to be open to my idea of creativity, much like my theory professor on Wednesday nights. But I have to creatively present what I gained from Totto-Chan, this incredible book about a Japanese girl's education in WWII Japan at a fantastic, one-of-a-kind school. What I thought to do initially I have now deemed as being dumb. Everything I come up with I deem as being dumb. The stupid assignment is so open-ended that I just don't know what to do because everything I come up with seems dumb. Sometimes I just wish I could write a paper about the book because then I would at least know what to do without feeling dumb. But instead, I'm fretting over creating a non-dumb creative class presentation demonstrating my intimate understanding of this book, which I loved and want to recommend to everyone in the whole world, especially those going into education (it will only take you about five hours to read, so why not). Do I have people draw? Do I teach sign language? Do I dance around clucking like a chicken? (That's in jest...although the other possibilities do sound equally as stupid at this point.) I'm just so lost with this. I'm that old-school kind of student who has grown used to teachers saying "Here, read this text. We'll discuss it in class tomorrow and have a quiz on it at the end of the week." I totally disagree with that form of education and plan on reforming my future classroom to look nothing like that, but as a student it's what I'm comfortable with. When teachers throw in these crazy assignments where we get to do whatever we want is when I freak out because I just don't know what to do. It isn't even that I'm not creative - I am - I just don't know where to start with this whole creative book presentation thing. I'm so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Movie Reviews

I've seen a ton of movies lately so I thought I would post mini reviews on them here. Plus, reviewing movies is more entertaining than preparing my presentation for Wednesday evening.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

This was your basic fantastical hero story complete with fight scene after pointless fight scene. I wonder if the makers of the Star Wars films are able to escape poor ratings for violence because they don't fight with "real" weapons and because there's no blood. Interesting. Well, Natalie Portman's character took a nosedive from the first episode so that was unappealing (since she was the only female role and was a strong one at that). Also, you can't tell me that with all the revenue they're bringing in by selling ten dollar movie tickets that they can't purchase a better makeup artist. Between making Ewan McGregor look 30 and the chancellor dude look zapped of energy through a lightening bolt that was supposed to take five minutes to kill him, the makeup crew had their work cut out for them. I guess. Maybe they let the intern handle those jobs. Overall, it was an all right movie, even if you haven't seen much of the other films in the series. Be prepared for an all night affair, however. I wasn't, so I fell asleep after the first four hours of film. At least I got a full night's rest that night.

Sophie's Choice

Supposedly (as the title suggests) this is a movie about a choice that Sophie makes. Too bad it's really about an aspiring author from the south who moves to New York for some inspiration. While there he meets a couple, Sophie and Nathan, who befriend him. Nathan's insane, telling people he's a researcher for Pfizer, and Sophie's also insane, recovering from her time in a concentration camp. Meanwhile, the 22-year-old writer, Stingo, falls in love with Sophie and convinces her to tell him her story of her time in Auschwitz and the choice she made there. Too bad she lies to him throughout the whole movie. He kidnaps her and the two escape to Washington, D.C. for the night before finishing their trip to his family's farm in southern Virginia. He gets laid for the first time, wakes up and finds that she's missing. Then he has to deal with the loss of his first love. If you watch this movie searching for a plot line focusing on Sophie, you're hunting up the wrong movie reel. This movie is about Stingo. Sophie's choice is covered by approximately ten minutes of film. Also, I should mention that this is the first of two very seemingly long Meryl Streep films in my review.

Under Suspicion

This was a terrifically well done crime film that was less about crime and more about memory. It made me think of Elizabeth Loftus the whole way through. The intricate characters are compelling reason enough to watch this movie, just don't get too irritated with the assistant detective in the beginning. The way it's done, you'll never figure out whodunnit. At times when it seems most obvious, some new piece of evidence comes out and you're left wondering about your conclusions all over again.






Sixteen Candles

Even though this movie came out in 1984 and everyone else from that time period has seen it a million times, I only watched it for the first time yesterday. I think that as far as 1980s teen angst movies go, it was pretty good. Parts of it were highly unrealistic, but I suppose that's what makes it so appealing to younger viewers. Watching it as an adult, I can value the parts of it that make it a good film, but I will never swear my life to this film's testament of American teenagers. Maybe I don't relate to the girl in the movie; I never experienced wanting to date the high school hunk. I don't have an older sister whose wedding overshadowed my sixteenth birthday. The one part of the movie I didn't like was when the hunk and the geek were talking in the kitchen and the hunk basically said that he could go in the other room and rape his girlfriend ten different ways and she would never know because she's so drunk. Then he offered the same option to the geek, who took him up on it. The part I really liked was when the sister took four muscle relaxers just before her wedding ceremony. More brides should do that, I think.

The French Lieutenant's Woman

This movie was interesting in that 1980s British drama sort of way, but other than that was just a normal film. The actors played actors who were making a movie about a woman rumored to have slept with a married French lieutenant. Meanwhile, the actors have an affair and fall in love. Or do they? There's an interesting twist at the very end, leaving you to wonder who is falling in love with whom. Regardless, it's another Meryl Streep film where she has the all-endearing female role. It's also another Meryl Streep film that seems to never end, even though it's only as long as a regular full-length film. It's a good thing I was knitting at the time or else I would have fallen asleep during this one too. Actually, I was considering turning it off and cleaning my house. The only thing keeping me on the couch was my knitting.

Good Night and Good Luck

It's so fun to watch and actor go from a lame roll on a lame NBC program to lame romantic comedies to a lame attempt at edgey films to finally doing something really worth watching. This film is a fantastic display of talent from a number of people, including the suave George Clooney. I thought the use of black and white film mixed with the historical documents used throughout the text was stunningly brilliant. Best of all, the ending of this film was a real life ending. There was no patching up of stuff or answering of questions. Seeing the old TV studio from the insider's perspective was poignant, considering that the station was stressing out about terrorism in the form of Joseph McCarthy. My favorite part of this film was that everyone in it was able to talk about terrorism without being branded as terorists. If you listen closely, they're obviously commenting on the state of the nation. Why else would they make this movie when they did? But too many people take what they're handed...and those people will never know. *sigh* Genius.

Office Space

I have become such an office junkie for three hours two days a week. I'm required to have office hours anyway, but I figure that I'm on campus and not going anywhere important anyway, so I just hang out in my office for the majority of the afternoon. It's much less of a drag now that my office resembles a slightly cooler place than just a couple weeks ago. I work in my office, I plan things in my office. I eat in my office. I have raisins and tea stashed in my desk and a couple good novels on my bookshelf. I have Internet and email right at my fingertips with a handy phone nearby too. It's fabulous. And sometimes my students actually come talk to me while I'm in my office, which is even cooler. They're awesome people; I wish they came to talk to me more often. Then they would be able to experience my now-cooler office and watch me be an office junkie.

Belonging

Sometimes at school I feel like I don't fit in. Yes, I am still in school. I know I said once here that I was going to drop out, but I was aiming for sarcasm in that post - a sarcasm that was either not met by my readers who (some of them) called me quite concerned or was not reached by my writing. Either way, I am indeed still in school, suffering through the incessant crap. And the point of this post is about that schooling and how I so often don't feel like I belong.

In one class I made it a point early on to be a talker in the class, to volunteer stuff and to make friends with people in that class. This is not my usual class personality. I like to be more reserved in class, responding only when called upon or when I think everyone else is being stupid. I don't tend to make friends in classes or offer advice or opinions early-on. And since I did that in that class, everyone thinks that that's who I am and I don't like that they think that of me. I get the feeling in that class that when I speak, everyone is wishing I wouldn't. Even the professor. I have no way of knowing if it's true or not, but that's the way I perceive it - acceptance out of obligation.

I have another class like that, too. In this class it's like the teacher doesn't talk to me because I've never been in any of his other classes. I feel very separated from everyone else in that class, as though we're all there individually to interact with the professor in our own spheres of learning where he can come and speak to us individually. But I have to listen to his conversations with the other students because he runs out of time before he gets to my learning bubble.

In another class, the teacher does a good job of recognizing everyone, but I wonder sometimes if he would pay more attention to me if I had a penis. Somehow it's like he has a closer, more natural bond to the men in the class. Feeling a better connection is the only thing lacking in that class.

I've never had a semester where I feel such a small sense of belonging or acceptance in my classes. Did I come this semester expecting something different after William & Mary? After counseling classes where I cried in front of my classmates as we counseled each other through the fall semester? Do I expect more from my teachers when they tell me that the best way to teach students is to be friendly with them?

Do my students see me this way? Do they see me as distant? Favoring? It's true, I know some students better than others. But I don't necessarily think that's my fault. Those are the students who email me or hang out in my office from time to time. Those are the students who make more of an effort to get to know me than I get to know them. But to the student who doesn't try, does it look like I don't care? Like I don't care evenly? Like I want some to succeed more than others?