The System

This weekend, a girl from the shelter was placed with a new foster family. She has been at our shelter for about three weeks. Hays was meant for kids like her. She came in through the Department of Health and Welfare and spent three weeks with us while her case worker searched for a new home for her. Three weeks. We have a girl in there right now who has been there for around 220 days - more than seven months. Our program was not meant for that. We have another girl who has been with us for about 180 days - six months. Our program was not meant for that. Rather than being the safe, temporary holding spot we are meant to be, we have become an actual placement for these two girls. They have seen half the staff members turn over, have helped train every member of the new staff, and have been through numerous rotations of other residents. Everyone knows what it feels like to be on the playground waiting to be chosen for a team to play dodgeball or kickball, fearing you may just be the last one standing. Imagine the fear of being the last one standing when everyone is picking their families...and you just never get picked. Ever. These girls are now exhibiting extreme stress responses. They don't eat and when they do, they throw up. They're losing weight, hair, sanity. They give biting remarks to everyone. They're developing ulcers. Their posture worsens, they sleep during the day because at night they keep themselves awake crying. What's wrong with these girls? Nothing. They're just 16. Who wants a used kid?

This girl who was placed this weekend is also 16. She, however, has cognitive disorders that makes her act far younger. She is needy for attention (as many of these kids are), doesn't process well, wants nothing more than to make people happy (even if that means doing bad things to herself or to other people), and has poor hand-eye coordination and motor skills. One of the girls who has been at the shelter far too long is good in school, wants more than anything to graduate high school, loves children and animals and would like to work with them at some point, helps around the house with cooking and doing chores, carries great conversation, stands up for what she believes in, and wants a family more fiercely than any kid I've ever met. However, she also has a small record which includes assault. So on paper, she's a much less desireable addition to a family because that record is all they see - they never get a chance to see what she wants or needs or what she's interested in or how helpful she is.

They say "The System" is overworked. They say that all the case workers have huge case loads. They say that there's a lot of paperwork. You know what I say? Make it that difficult for people to have babies in the first place and you won't have this problem. Hold adults accountable for their actions, promote things like birth control - in all forms - and send everyone to parenting classes. Reduce severely the number of kids you place into "The System." So many of these kids were just born into bad situations. Mothers high on crack, cocaine, meth, pot, alcohol. Fathers high too. Or absent fathers. Mothers who started selling their 11-year-old girl's body for sex so that the mother may purchase drugs. Fathers who beat their son because he is gay. Fathers who beat their son because he brought home a C in school. Fathers who beat their son because the mother didn't come home one night. Mothers who tell their daughters "I don't want you." Fathers who tell their daughters "I can buy you any drug you want if you want to come live with me." These are people who should not have children. These are people who are not mature or responsible enough on their own to handle or care for another life. These are people ruining the lives of their children and the people around them (not to mention their own lives).

And so, since "The System" is overworked, we discover alternative methods of "helping" kids. We put teens in detention for smoking. We put them in detention for running away. If a child runs away from home, there is a problem that needs to be addressed that will not be addressed in detention. Either something is wrong at home or the kid is involved in something bad - most likely drugs, alcohol or some other illegal activity (gangs too). Why not investigate that? Why not help that kid? Why stick that kid in jail, priming them at a young age to know that jail is an alternative to life? Why not teach them to work through things? To see that life doesn't have to be all black and white choices, that there's more to good and evil than being angelic or being in prison? Why not help them through recovery, through high school, through counseling?

The current system doesn't do any of that. The current system gives them a shelter until someone speaks for them. The current system gives them just enough so they don't feel completely and utterly forgotten by the world. Because at least at a place like where I work we know their names and hold them accountable for coming back in the evenings sober and unarmed. I would like to say that the case workers help out with that, but sometimes that isn't even true.