Sunday, July 31, 2005
One Week
Kelly left early this morning for Virginia. He has a week of training ahead of him for his new job. This will be our largest separation since the last time one of us was in Virginia. I will miss him dearly, but I have plenty planned to keep me busy. I'm just hoping I'll be able to sleep at night alone. I really don't like having to adjust to that. I don't like being lonely at night. I ate dinner by myself tonight for the first time in probably seven months. Food just doesn't taste the same when you're by yourself. *sigh* One week.
I Heard It On NPR
People in London are afraid now.
The way London has operated its public policing system has been like this: the police officers have not carried guns. They simply walked the streets with a radio and night stick waving at people with a smile and aiding tourists in figuring out maps and other traveling quandries. The emphasis was on a friendly group of officers people could trust and believe in.
Now some officers are carrying guns. They want to feel more protected. They want to feel more aptly able to protect the people of London.
What I don't understand is this: How will the police officers' guns help to better protect the people against bomb attacks on the subway?
The way London has operated its public policing system has been like this: the police officers have not carried guns. They simply walked the streets with a radio and night stick waving at people with a smile and aiding tourists in figuring out maps and other traveling quandries. The emphasis was on a friendly group of officers people could trust and believe in.
Now some officers are carrying guns. They want to feel more protected. They want to feel more aptly able to protect the people of London.
What I don't understand is this: How will the police officers' guns help to better protect the people against bomb attacks on the subway?
Friday, July 29, 2005
Since That Moment
Sometimes things happen and you come away with a new perspective. Sometimes the new perspective is of yourself.
Sometimes one moment can change who you are.
I've been thinking a lot lately about a specific moment in group therapy last semester. I told everyone I was thinking about coming back to Boise. People were shocked. Some were adamantly against it. Some told me to do what I wanted to do. Only one - one woman fiercely into her schoolwork and 100% serious about a career and independent like no other - told me to do it. Do it, she said. William & Mary has been here for 400 years and will be here for 400 more, but he won't be, she said. If you love him, you need to be with him, she said. And then we were both crying.
Since that moment I'v been defining my role as a person in love with a man. I've had to figure out what that means to me and how I will represent that to people around me. For a long time, I was told that I don't need this and maybe even that I shouldn't want this - this life in a house with a dog and a fence and a car where we look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day and pay bills from a joint checking account.
But that was someone else's reality. I just convinced myself it was truth of sorts and that it applied to me too.
Whether I've merely been conditioned by society to believe that I need the heterosexual partner with 2.3 kids and comfy jobs or whether that's strictly outlined as my fate in my complicated little DNA codons I don't care. This is what I have because this is what I want. This time I'm not fooling myself into something because it's what is all around me or because it's according to someone else's beliefs. This is all me. I just had to wake up.
So thank you, Anne, for turning on the light. You helped me see that my life truly is my own and what I wanted to do about that. You showed me that it's my choice to share that life and that doing so can be good - it doesn't have to be what I've seen it be. You woke a part of me that was afraid and unsure but is now thriving and happy.
Sometimes things happen and you come away with a new perspective. Sometimes the new perspective is of yourself.
Sometimes one moment can change who you are.
Sometimes one moment can change who you are.
I've been thinking a lot lately about a specific moment in group therapy last semester. I told everyone I was thinking about coming back to Boise. People were shocked. Some were adamantly against it. Some told me to do what I wanted to do. Only one - one woman fiercely into her schoolwork and 100% serious about a career and independent like no other - told me to do it. Do it, she said. William & Mary has been here for 400 years and will be here for 400 more, but he won't be, she said. If you love him, you need to be with him, she said. And then we were both crying.
Since that moment I'v been defining my role as a person in love with a man. I've had to figure out what that means to me and how I will represent that to people around me. For a long time, I was told that I don't need this and maybe even that I shouldn't want this - this life in a house with a dog and a fence and a car where we look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day and pay bills from a joint checking account.
But that was someone else's reality. I just convinced myself it was truth of sorts and that it applied to me too.
Whether I've merely been conditioned by society to believe that I need the heterosexual partner with 2.3 kids and comfy jobs or whether that's strictly outlined as my fate in my complicated little DNA codons I don't care. This is what I have because this is what I want. This time I'm not fooling myself into something because it's what is all around me or because it's according to someone else's beliefs. This is all me. I just had to wake up.
So thank you, Anne, for turning on the light. You helped me see that my life truly is my own and what I wanted to do about that. You showed me that it's my choice to share that life and that doing so can be good - it doesn't have to be what I've seen it be. You woke a part of me that was afraid and unsure but is now thriving and happy.
Sometimes things happen and you come away with a new perspective. Sometimes the new perspective is of yourself.
Sometimes one moment can change who you are.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
We Finally Have A Slogan
Kelly and I finally have a slogan prompting us to be healthy people, eat well and exercise. Here it is...We're going to go from Big Fat LOSERS to Big FAT Losers. I can see the bood headlines now. Ahhh...
See, it all started when I was laying out in the yard one sunny day. I thought to myself, "If I can lay here for an hour tanning - doing something that may eventually lead me to some random skin cancer - in an effort to do something vain for my body that I deem good, why can't I also work out for an hour? Why can't I go running later? How can I convince myself that I'm too tired to actually make myself healthy but I can easily lounge around topless in the backyard making myself appear healthy according to societal dictates of the upper-"commonly non-working"-class?" Well that prompted me to email my thoughts to Kelly in - I'm sure - what was a fairly rambling, perhaps slightly caustic manner as I called us both out on ways we could do more, just don't. In said email I labeled us "big, fat losers" because it has been a while since we've worked out and we both always say "tomorrow we're going to start working out again" but somehow, tomorrow always had another excuse.
Finally, tomorrow had come. It was only a matter of a couple days and once it came I meant serious business. There were no more excuses and there were no more tomorrows. We have become Big Fat LOSERS but shall be no more! I have a dream that one day we shall see ourselves in the mirror as fine examples of healthy people! I have a dream that we shall walk tall in the shadow of the valley of death for we know that we take care of ourselves and treat our bodies like the only bodies we'll ever have! Because they are! I have a dream! I have a dream that one day our children will play soccer with other children and they will score many points because their parents were able to keep up during family-fun practices at Ann Morrison Park! I have a dream! I have a dream that the changes we make today will take us from being Big Fat LOSERS to being Big FAT Losers! I have a dream!
Well so far the plan has worked. We're going on 10 solid days now. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but Rome wasn't built in a day either. And the slogan really is stellar motivation for us. Well, at least it gives me something to hold on to. Sometimes I suspect Kelly is just along for the ride because he's so good at humoring me. But that's all right...It's good for him.
See, it all started when I was laying out in the yard one sunny day. I thought to myself, "If I can lay here for an hour tanning - doing something that may eventually lead me to some random skin cancer - in an effort to do something vain for my body that I deem good, why can't I also work out for an hour? Why can't I go running later? How can I convince myself that I'm too tired to actually make myself healthy but I can easily lounge around topless in the backyard making myself appear healthy according to societal dictates of the upper-"commonly non-working"-class?" Well that prompted me to email my thoughts to Kelly in - I'm sure - what was a fairly rambling, perhaps slightly caustic manner as I called us both out on ways we could do more, just don't. In said email I labeled us "big, fat losers" because it has been a while since we've worked out and we both always say "tomorrow we're going to start working out again" but somehow, tomorrow always had another excuse.
Finally, tomorrow had come. It was only a matter of a couple days and once it came I meant serious business. There were no more excuses and there were no more tomorrows. We have become Big Fat LOSERS but shall be no more! I have a dream that one day we shall see ourselves in the mirror as fine examples of healthy people! I have a dream that we shall walk tall in the shadow of the valley of death for we know that we take care of ourselves and treat our bodies like the only bodies we'll ever have! Because they are! I have a dream! I have a dream that one day our children will play soccer with other children and they will score many points because their parents were able to keep up during family-fun practices at Ann Morrison Park! I have a dream! I have a dream that the changes we make today will take us from being Big Fat LOSERS to being Big FAT Losers! I have a dream!
Well so far the plan has worked. We're going on 10 solid days now. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but Rome wasn't built in a day either. And the slogan really is stellar motivation for us. Well, at least it gives me something to hold on to. Sometimes I suspect Kelly is just along for the ride because he's so good at humoring me. But that's all right...It's good for him.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Guess Who?
One of us - either Kelly or myself - went to the hospital today to check something out. The doctor deemed it necessary for the involved party to have an ultra-sound done. So now we're going to play a rousing edition of Guess Who? where I provide clues and you make a decision as to who needed the ultra-sound.
* The ultra-sound was performed on the patient's abdomen.
* It was the patient's first ultra-sound.
* The doctor visit and ultra-sound took a combined three hours.
* The ultra-sound was performed in conjunction with a blood-letting. Well, they drew blood to do some blood tests.
That's enough info for now. Feel free to ask questions for clarification on some points prior to making your educated guess.
* The ultra-sound was performed on the patient's abdomen.
* It was the patient's first ultra-sound.
* The doctor visit and ultra-sound took a combined three hours.
* The ultra-sound was performed in conjunction with a blood-letting. Well, they drew blood to do some blood tests.
That's enough info for now. Feel free to ask questions for clarification on some points prior to making your educated guess.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Kelly's A Jerk
Here are some interesting statistics:
* The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates 35 to 50 million Americans come down with the flu each flu season, which typically lasts from November to March. More than 100,000 people are hospitalized and 20,000 people die from the flu and its complications every year.
* The SDA estimates that 76 million Americans get sick, more than 300,000 are hospitalized, and 5,000 die each year from foodborne illness.
* One in 10 hospitalized patients, or about 2 million people a year, will acquire an infection after admission. These infections contribute to the death of nearly 90,000 hospital patients per year, according to the CDC.
* Americans spend about $5 billion each year on colds - about $3 billion on doctors' visits and $2 billion on treatments.
I'm not saying that a little dirt will kill you. I'm saying that diseases and germs are easily spread. I'm saying that we can all do our part to slow that. I'm saying that things like West Nile and Salmonella do exist and that we shouldn't scoff at the mere possibility of becoming infected with such an illness. Yes, I'm aware that viruses change over time and that they are able to mutate themselves in a fashion that prevents them from being affected, much less killed, by antibiotics but does that mean that we should also stop testing for a cure for AIDS? I have a brilliant idea, Kelly, why don't we all go out and have random, unprotected sex with as many people as possible and then compare numbers of infectious diseases at the end of the month. It can be a fabulous contest to see who contracts AIDS first. Abstinence on any count is stupid, but so is reckless abandon. Why do something stupid when we can simply be proactive about it?
Whatever. I'm going to bed. You should take care of your dog.
* The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates 35 to 50 million Americans come down with the flu each flu season, which typically lasts from November to March. More than 100,000 people are hospitalized and 20,000 people die from the flu and its complications every year.
* The SDA estimates that 76 million Americans get sick, more than 300,000 are hospitalized, and 5,000 die each year from foodborne illness.
* One in 10 hospitalized patients, or about 2 million people a year, will acquire an infection after admission. These infections contribute to the death of nearly 90,000 hospital patients per year, according to the CDC.
* Americans spend about $5 billion each year on colds - about $3 billion on doctors' visits and $2 billion on treatments.
I'm not saying that a little dirt will kill you. I'm saying that diseases and germs are easily spread. I'm saying that we can all do our part to slow that. I'm saying that things like West Nile and Salmonella do exist and that we shouldn't scoff at the mere possibility of becoming infected with such an illness. Yes, I'm aware that viruses change over time and that they are able to mutate themselves in a fashion that prevents them from being affected, much less killed, by antibiotics but does that mean that we should also stop testing for a cure for AIDS? I have a brilliant idea, Kelly, why don't we all go out and have random, unprotected sex with as many people as possible and then compare numbers of infectious diseases at the end of the month. It can be a fabulous contest to see who contracts AIDS first. Abstinence on any count is stupid, but so is reckless abandon. Why do something stupid when we can simply be proactive about it?
Whatever. I'm going to bed. You should take care of your dog.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Donate To Mandy
My good friend Mandy who lives near Denver, Colorado, is in the process of training for a marathon. She is also in the process of fundraising. How are these two related, you ask. Well, the money she raises will go to helping treat a 3-year-old girl with leukemia who also lives in the Denver area.
Mandy is raising money through Team in Training, a group funded by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, and plans to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on October 23, 2005. Mandy's goal is to raise $3,700 by that time, but she has currently only raised about $400 between working in a pharmacy, attending a pharmacology master's program and training for the marathon.
So I'm giving a little shout-out for Mandy, asking all my friends and family and in general just people who give a damn to check out her training blog (that I've linked to many times here as well as posted a link on my side bar) and give a little donation. She has information on her blog on how to donate online and where to check out Team in Training. Not only will your donation go to helping fund a little girl's treatment, but it will encourage Mandy to train harder and better for her 26-mile journey in October.
Mandy is raising money through Team in Training, a group funded by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, and plans to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on October 23, 2005. Mandy's goal is to raise $3,700 by that time, but she has currently only raised about $400 between working in a pharmacy, attending a pharmacology master's program and training for the marathon.
So I'm giving a little shout-out for Mandy, asking all my friends and family and in general just people who give a damn to check out her training blog (that I've linked to many times here as well as posted a link on my side bar) and give a little donation. She has information on her blog on how to donate online and where to check out Team in Training. Not only will your donation go to helping fund a little girl's treatment, but it will encourage Mandy to train harder and better for her 26-mile journey in October.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Extracurricular Activities
I think its about time for Kelly and I to invest in some sort of instructional lessons for our dog. Something to occupy his hands, preferably, like yoga, ASL, car mechanics or pottery - just to name a few ideas I've had lately. Whatever will keep his interest, really. I've even thought about the benefits that would come from putting him on some sort of sports team where he can get some social interaction at the same time that he's getting a lot of good exercise. Maybe soccer would be his cup of tea. He's just been so antsy lately and has found interest in chewing random things outside. For instance, last night he jumped up on the pool table and started chewing out the lining from one of the corner pockets. We are unimpressed.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Hays Marathon
Last night started my marathon at Hays. Here's my schedule to give you a taste:
Thursday 8-11 a.m. (that's yesterday's staff meeting)
Thursday 10:30 p.m.-7:30 a.m. (that's actually what I worked last night)
Friday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Saturday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Sunday 7 a.m.-4 p.m.
Sunday 10:30-7:30 a.m.
Monday 10:30-7:30 a.m.
Some of those shifts I'll actually get off a little early, but they all have the potential for me to stay much later. One Saturday night one of our girls got super sick and I had to take her to the hospital. I ended up staying on the clock until 2 a.m., only to return to work Sunday at 7 a.m. So, the potential is there on a few shifts for me to feel completely absent from home, especially since between a couple shifts I only have a couple hours anyway. Oh well. I volunteered for the last two shifts anyway since I'm going to Vegas next week. On a typical weekend, I do my 40 hours in a three-day period. Or at least most of my 40 hours. I say it's a good thing I enjoy my job because otherwise I would be one cranky individual.
Thursday 8-11 a.m. (that's yesterday's staff meeting)
Thursday 10:30 p.m.-7:30 a.m. (that's actually what I worked last night)
Friday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Saturday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Sunday 7 a.m.-4 p.m.
Sunday 10:30-7:30 a.m.
Monday 10:30-7:30 a.m.
Some of those shifts I'll actually get off a little early, but they all have the potential for me to stay much later. One Saturday night one of our girls got super sick and I had to take her to the hospital. I ended up staying on the clock until 2 a.m., only to return to work Sunday at 7 a.m. So, the potential is there on a few shifts for me to feel completely absent from home, especially since between a couple shifts I only have a couple hours anyway. Oh well. I volunteered for the last two shifts anyway since I'm going to Vegas next week. On a typical weekend, I do my 40 hours in a three-day period. Or at least most of my 40 hours. I say it's a good thing I enjoy my job because otherwise I would be one cranky individual.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
London Terrorism
Here are some things that are bugging me about this London terrorism thing (in no particular order). Don't get me wrong...I think the whole ordeal is no good. I love Brits as much as the next person and wish no ill-timed, gruesome deaths upon any of them. There's just some stuff that has gotten me thinking.
* I heard a BBC reporter on the radio about 20 minutes ago talking about the scores of dead people turning up from the incident. The news on the radio had just confirmed 33 dead and a news report I just read on line confirmed 37 dead. That is not "scores." Why make it sound worse than it really is?
* I heard Tony Blair blaming middle eastern terrorist organizations in a public speech on the radio before the responsible party was confirmed.
* Tony Blair blamed middle eastern terrorist organizations for the attacks before ruling out the fact that some randomly bored high school students decided to pull a prank on the world. Because to make everyone think that you were a terrorist when you're nothing more than a spoiled, private school kid and have the prime minister of your country denounce to the world specific terrorist groups before he has a clue as to what he was talking about so he looks dumb to everyone later is kind of a good joke. It's definitely one I find amusing. I just think people like to yell "terrorist." Kind of like the boy who cried "wolf."
* Everyone thinks that these attacks have something to do with the Group Eight summit in Scotland. Just in case it has been a while since you've surveyed a map, London is not in Scotland. London isn't even all that close to Scotland.
* George Bush went on the record (as I heard him on NPR and found in this article) saying that this terrorist attack is a horrible thing. He said that it couldn't have come at a worse time. He said that it's awful that while leaders of different nations have joined together in Scotland for this peaceful summit, killers have taken innocent, civilian lives. Hmmm...Does he honestly think that? What about all the innocent, civilian lives lost - no, stolen - so far in Iraq? Doesn't he realize that what he accomplishes there daily through the American government and the American military is by definition terrorist activity?!? Or do they not count because they're brown? Or are the English lives worth more because he's buds with old Tony? Or is he only worried because he was in a neighboring country? My money's on brown.
* America - because we're constantly thinking ourselves the worldwide victim and because we have to be right in the middle of everything - is now at "orange alert." They raised the terror alert from yellow to orange today, but that only applies to mass transit systems. I can't wait to see how the bomb-sniffing dogs hold up the BUS. Maybe the powers-that-be are unaware that there's an entire ocean between us and London. And besides, if you keep an entire nation at heightened alert forever, doesn't that heightened alert become the norm? They will get so used to watching out for everything and seeing almost nothing that something little (that turns big) may slip right by them. (That's my budding philosophy.)
* I heard a BBC reporter on the radio about 20 minutes ago talking about the scores of dead people turning up from the incident. The news on the radio had just confirmed 33 dead and a news report I just read on line confirmed 37 dead. That is not "scores." Why make it sound worse than it really is?
* I heard Tony Blair blaming middle eastern terrorist organizations in a public speech on the radio before the responsible party was confirmed.
* Tony Blair blamed middle eastern terrorist organizations for the attacks before ruling out the fact that some randomly bored high school students decided to pull a prank on the world. Because to make everyone think that you were a terrorist when you're nothing more than a spoiled, private school kid and have the prime minister of your country denounce to the world specific terrorist groups before he has a clue as to what he was talking about so he looks dumb to everyone later is kind of a good joke. It's definitely one I find amusing. I just think people like to yell "terrorist." Kind of like the boy who cried "wolf."
* Everyone thinks that these attacks have something to do with the Group Eight summit in Scotland. Just in case it has been a while since you've surveyed a map, London is not in Scotland. London isn't even all that close to Scotland.
* George Bush went on the record (as I heard him on NPR and found in this article) saying that this terrorist attack is a horrible thing. He said that it couldn't have come at a worse time. He said that it's awful that while leaders of different nations have joined together in Scotland for this peaceful summit, killers have taken innocent, civilian lives. Hmmm...Does he honestly think that? What about all the innocent, civilian lives lost - no, stolen - so far in Iraq? Doesn't he realize that what he accomplishes there daily through the American government and the American military is by definition terrorist activity?!? Or do they not count because they're brown? Or are the English lives worth more because he's buds with old Tony? Or is he only worried because he was in a neighboring country? My money's on brown.
* America - because we're constantly thinking ourselves the worldwide victim and because we have to be right in the middle of everything - is now at "orange alert." They raised the terror alert from yellow to orange today, but that only applies to mass transit systems. I can't wait to see how the bomb-sniffing dogs hold up the BUS. Maybe the powers-that-be are unaware that there's an entire ocean between us and London. And besides, if you keep an entire nation at heightened alert forever, doesn't that heightened alert become the norm? They will get so used to watching out for everything and seeing almost nothing that something little (that turns big) may slip right by them. (That's my budding philosophy.)
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
The System
This weekend, a girl from the shelter was placed with a new foster family. She has been at our shelter for about three weeks. Hays was meant for kids like her. She came in through the Department of Health and Welfare and spent three weeks with us while her case worker searched for a new home for her. Three weeks. We have a girl in there right now who has been there for around 220 days - more than seven months. Our program was not meant for that. We have another girl who has been with us for about 180 days - six months. Our program was not meant for that. Rather than being the safe, temporary holding spot we are meant to be, we have become an actual placement for these two girls. They have seen half the staff members turn over, have helped train every member of the new staff, and have been through numerous rotations of other residents. Everyone knows what it feels like to be on the playground waiting to be chosen for a team to play dodgeball or kickball, fearing you may just be the last one standing. Imagine the fear of being the last one standing when everyone is picking their families...and you just never get picked. Ever. These girls are now exhibiting extreme stress responses. They don't eat and when they do, they throw up. They're losing weight, hair, sanity. They give biting remarks to everyone. They're developing ulcers. Their posture worsens, they sleep during the day because at night they keep themselves awake crying. What's wrong with these girls? Nothing. They're just 16. Who wants a used kid?
This girl who was placed this weekend is also 16. She, however, has cognitive disorders that makes her act far younger. She is needy for attention (as many of these kids are), doesn't process well, wants nothing more than to make people happy (even if that means doing bad things to herself or to other people), and has poor hand-eye coordination and motor skills. One of the girls who has been at the shelter far too long is good in school, wants more than anything to graduate high school, loves children and animals and would like to work with them at some point, helps around the house with cooking and doing chores, carries great conversation, stands up for what she believes in, and wants a family more fiercely than any kid I've ever met. However, she also has a small record which includes assault. So on paper, she's a much less desireable addition to a family because that record is all they see - they never get a chance to see what she wants or needs or what she's interested in or how helpful she is.
They say "The System" is overworked. They say that all the case workers have huge case loads. They say that there's a lot of paperwork. You know what I say? Make it that difficult for people to have babies in the first place and you won't have this problem. Hold adults accountable for their actions, promote things like birth control - in all forms - and send everyone to parenting classes. Reduce severely the number of kids you place into "The System." So many of these kids were just born into bad situations. Mothers high on crack, cocaine, meth, pot, alcohol. Fathers high too. Or absent fathers. Mothers who started selling their 11-year-old girl's body for sex so that the mother may purchase drugs. Fathers who beat their son because he is gay. Fathers who beat their son because he brought home a C in school. Fathers who beat their son because the mother didn't come home one night. Mothers who tell their daughters "I don't want you." Fathers who tell their daughters "I can buy you any drug you want if you want to come live with me." These are people who should not have children. These are people who are not mature or responsible enough on their own to handle or care for another life. These are people ruining the lives of their children and the people around them (not to mention their own lives).
And so, since "The System" is overworked, we discover alternative methods of "helping" kids. We put teens in detention for smoking. We put them in detention for running away. If a child runs away from home, there is a problem that needs to be addressed that will not be addressed in detention. Either something is wrong at home or the kid is involved in something bad - most likely drugs, alcohol or some other illegal activity (gangs too). Why not investigate that? Why not help that kid? Why stick that kid in jail, priming them at a young age to know that jail is an alternative to life? Why not teach them to work through things? To see that life doesn't have to be all black and white choices, that there's more to good and evil than being angelic or being in prison? Why not help them through recovery, through high school, through counseling?
The current system doesn't do any of that. The current system gives them a shelter until someone speaks for them. The current system gives them just enough so they don't feel completely and utterly forgotten by the world. Because at least at a place like where I work we know their names and hold them accountable for coming back in the evenings sober and unarmed. I would like to say that the case workers help out with that, but sometimes that isn't even true.
This girl who was placed this weekend is also 16. She, however, has cognitive disorders that makes her act far younger. She is needy for attention (as many of these kids are), doesn't process well, wants nothing more than to make people happy (even if that means doing bad things to herself or to other people), and has poor hand-eye coordination and motor skills. One of the girls who has been at the shelter far too long is good in school, wants more than anything to graduate high school, loves children and animals and would like to work with them at some point, helps around the house with cooking and doing chores, carries great conversation, stands up for what she believes in, and wants a family more fiercely than any kid I've ever met. However, she also has a small record which includes assault. So on paper, she's a much less desireable addition to a family because that record is all they see - they never get a chance to see what she wants or needs or what she's interested in or how helpful she is.
They say "The System" is overworked. They say that all the case workers have huge case loads. They say that there's a lot of paperwork. You know what I say? Make it that difficult for people to have babies in the first place and you won't have this problem. Hold adults accountable for their actions, promote things like birth control - in all forms - and send everyone to parenting classes. Reduce severely the number of kids you place into "The System." So many of these kids were just born into bad situations. Mothers high on crack, cocaine, meth, pot, alcohol. Fathers high too. Or absent fathers. Mothers who started selling their 11-year-old girl's body for sex so that the mother may purchase drugs. Fathers who beat their son because he is gay. Fathers who beat their son because he brought home a C in school. Fathers who beat their son because the mother didn't come home one night. Mothers who tell their daughters "I don't want you." Fathers who tell their daughters "I can buy you any drug you want if you want to come live with me." These are people who should not have children. These are people who are not mature or responsible enough on their own to handle or care for another life. These are people ruining the lives of their children and the people around them (not to mention their own lives).
And so, since "The System" is overworked, we discover alternative methods of "helping" kids. We put teens in detention for smoking. We put them in detention for running away. If a child runs away from home, there is a problem that needs to be addressed that will not be addressed in detention. Either something is wrong at home or the kid is involved in something bad - most likely drugs, alcohol or some other illegal activity (gangs too). Why not investigate that? Why not help that kid? Why stick that kid in jail, priming them at a young age to know that jail is an alternative to life? Why not teach them to work through things? To see that life doesn't have to be all black and white choices, that there's more to good and evil than being angelic or being in prison? Why not help them through recovery, through high school, through counseling?
The current system doesn't do any of that. The current system gives them a shelter until someone speaks for them. The current system gives them just enough so they don't feel completely and utterly forgotten by the world. Because at least at a place like where I work we know their names and hold them accountable for coming back in the evenings sober and unarmed. I would like to say that the case workers help out with that, but sometimes that isn't even true.
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