Ideas

I have had some great ideas lately that I think are ways to solve everyone's problems. Or, at least, some people's problems. Here are just a few of my brilliant plans lately.

I think that Kelly should write to random politicians throughout the country telling them that if they do not send him $1000 by June 1 then he will share conclusive evidence with the politicians' spouses that the politician has cheated within their marriage. Now, the particulars of this plan are not completely worked out. We would, of course, need to figure out how the $1000 should be mailed because it needs to be done in a fashion that will not let the feds trace it back to Kelly. Cash is a bad idea...Maybe a money order. If Kelly were to obtain a pseudonym and a fake ID to match, he could cash the money orders at one of those check cashing places. Sure, they would take a cut, but it's money that isn't Kelly's to begin with anyway. Also, there's the idea that politicians are public figures and their extramarital affairs have probably already been made public, so Kelly may want to target CEOs instead - basically, other rich people who have extra time on their hands, therefore giving them the ability to have an affair. Then there's also the factor of how many letters to send out. I think they should all be mailed at the same time and done only once. Sending out too few may not yield a good return, but sending out too many could make him suspicious. So if he sends them out nation-wide, I think that he could get away with sending about 200. Of course, that also depends on how many CEOs there are in the country. I haven't done my homework on that one. As you can see, this plan is still in the planning stages.

We have a friend who sells stuff at the Saturday market downtown every Saturday morning. We saw him there last week and he said that being there meant that he couldn't have any late Friday nights. I told him that he should just keep his wares in his car and sleep on a park bench when he was out late on Fridays. He could dress in tattered clothes so everyone thought he was a bum and then no one would bother him. In the morning he could just throw on his selling clothes and be off. It would save him so much time in transportation alone.

I think that people should be born into a commune and given a stellar education. Then, at nine years of age, people could apply to live in whatever country they wanted. Each country would run on a fairly socialist system and have quotas to meet for population spread. For instance, they could only have a certain amount of wealth, a certain percentage of women and men, a certain percentage of each race and disability and IQ. You get the picture. At first, people may not want to live in places like Somalia because of the natural predisposition to thinking of it as a bad place to be, but after all the previously developed countries were full then people would realize that they had no choice but to live in Somalia and so they would and then they would realize that it wasn't such a bad place to be and eventually people who detest harsh winters and like open spaces and the challenge of creating something out of sand would start applying there in mass numbers. Of course, the applications would be reviewed by a panel of educated people - mixed races, mixed genders, mixed sexual orientations. This system would also discourage people from having children for the sake of laziness of not using protection, but to propagate the species. When a child is born that child is immediately transported to a commune - probably there will be one on every human life-bearing continent - where, as previously mentioned, that child remains until the age of nine. On that child's ninth birthday that child can submit the application and that child will be placed with a family within two months. This way, children can only go to families who want them and can support them. I think that this system would increase racial inter-marriage and decrease prejudice on more than one plane.

I'm currently developing a plan to get Kelly to start doing all my homework for me. He turns me down when I ask him, but I'm pretty sure I can work something out that he can't resist. I may offer to make him bacon in return or find someone to sit and rub his feet all day. I'm still working on the incentives, but the idea is golden.