Why I Hate Antidisestablishmentarianism

I remember when I was probably eight or nine asking my dad what the longest English word was. He told me "antidisestablishmentarianism," which quickly became my most favorite word despite being slightly unsure of its spelling and entirely unsure of its meaning.

I was a precocious child and sure of my academic superiority over my peers. Somehow, being armed with the knowledge of the longest English word increased that sense of superiority as well as my feeling of mastery of language. I remember reciting it over and over in my head on my walks to and from school and practicing writing it, just looking at it on the page in my own handwriting. Partially, I would write and rewrite this champion of a word because I wanted to make it look pretty and was continually discouraged at the fact that this is, simply, an ugly word. But mostly I wrote and rewrote it because it somehow connected me with an impression of eminence.

Through the years my humility grew. Since I'm not sure I had much humility at eight or nine I'm not sure if "grew" is the completely correct term for it; perhaps I would be more accurate to say that my humility was planted, but I'm not sure who I could credit for that. I realized a lot about my aforementioned academic superiority and other abilities, my relations with peers and the English language. The first serious blow, I think, came around the age of fourteen, when I learned that antidisestablishmentarianism is actually not the longest English word. In fact, antidisestablishmentarianism is a paltry 28 letters and is, incidentally, a mostly useless word in today's English vocabulary except for its ability to excite precocious children. The longest word in major English dictionaries is "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, a 45-letter word which refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles specifically from a volcano. Research has discovered that this word was originally a hoax. It has since been used in a close approximation of its originally intended meaning, lending at least some degree of validity to its claim. The Oxford English Dictionary contains pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism (30 letters). The longest non-technical word in major dictionaries is flocci­nauci­nihili­pili­fication at 29 letters. Consisting of a series of Latin words meaning "nothing" and defined as 'the act of estimating something as worthless,' its usage has been recorded as far back as 1741" (wikipedia). And then on top of that you have some random made up words from James Joyce or Mary Poppins that exceed some of these "actual" words, none of which I fault my father for not knowing. I don't know that it's necessary for really anyone to keep those terms tucked away in their knowledge bank.

My reasons for hating antidisestablishmentarianism have nothing to do with the meaning of the word. In fact, I have no strong opinions whatsoever concerning the opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England. My distaste for the word stems from the word itself. Even though I flaunted my knowledge of this word for so long, I never liked the word. It seemed greater than its own purpose and somehow I came to represent that. Therefore, my distaste for that pompous behavior extended to a heightened sense of the use of words and people who get high off of blatantly showing their own superiority through knowledge of bigger, better or more obscure words. Yes, I think that knowing more words and having a firm command of language is important and impressive. For me, however, it is when that vocabulary arsenal is used to intentionally degrade others that words cease to impress.

Recently, I've been discussing tolerance with my sixth grade gifted and talented students. They spent twenty minutes telling me all about how gifted kids have a higher emotional intelligence than other kids (which isn't necessarily reflected in the literature, by the way) and that they know all about intolerance from other people because they're always being snubbed for being smarter than everyone else. It was the "poor little rich girl" syndrome, basically, only with sixth grade smart kids who have no humility yet for their own gifts. The same day and every day since, I have heard them raving about the "awesomeness" of "antidisestablishmentarianism" and how dumb other kids their age are because they've never heard of it. So it continues.

Yes, I know all about the power of words and knowledge and how smarter (and generally higher income) kids are just exposed to more words since birth than their lower-IQ counterparts and that they're, in that way, factors of their environment that are directly related to their parents pushing them – pushing them to be smarter, know more, do better, get better grades. I get that and don't (usually) hold it against them.

But there's something about that word: antidisestablishmentarianism. It excites nerds. This ugly, pompous, useless word remains a champion among words for a reason that I may never understand again. For me, however, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that resembles a lack of awareness of the world, naivete of self, and, most of all, a foolish arrogance.

Needs

I did this once with "is," but it's also funny this way. Go to google and put in quotation marks your name plus needs. For instance, when I googled "Angela needs," I came up with...

Angela needs a family who will access and work with a therapist.
Angela needs a parent who uses humor and non-threatening approaches to discipline.
Angela needs a psychiatric evaluation. Angela needs help. Angela needs to take her father off the pedestal. Oh so true.
Angela needs to constantly "feel" the presence of God.
Angela needs help!
Angela needs her space.
Angela needs to take those 18-hour days she spends working on her Web site and devote that time to improving the quality of her clothes.

And when I put in "Kelly needs"...

Kelly needs patience right now.
This tells me that Kelly needs to feel important to someone.
Kelly needs a quivering antenna.
Kelly needs to learn about patience.
Kelly needs modesty.
Kelly needs to prepare and think about a hundred things.
Kelly Needs to Be In My Life, Always.
Kelly needs to "Double Up" on lawyers.

What do you need?

Yes We Can

I think this is the best music video I've ever seen. Partially because it's well done and partially because I also believe we can.

I just can't help it.

I have become quite the little porn addict.

However, I didn't intend to. I did nothing to create this problem and really, I don't even enjoy that it's there. I wouldn't even really call myself an "addict," actually, because I try to ignore the porn when it is there.

The problem is that it's there all the time. If there are ads on an internet site, those ads are all porn ads. I see girls in thongs, wet girls, girls in bikinis, girl butts, girls grabbing their own breasts, girls nearly kissing other girls, and more - all in freeze frame.

I think there's something drastically wrong with my computer. At least, that seems far more likely than a change in my sexual preferences (that's a reference to the excessive porn as well as the massive amounts of hot girl action). If anyone has a quick and easy solution - or a condom for my computer - please pass on the good news.

Lately,

there have been a lot of birthdays in my family. C's now 22, T just turned the big 1-0, and D finally hit 9. Mom had one too, but I don't know what she thinks about me telling everyone in Internetland that she's 44. Oh, oops, I just did.

I've been spending a lot of time with my friends, which I really like. It makes me feel more connected to life.

I've been drinking more water. I've also (subsequently) been peeing more.

K has been speaking more German to me. He's trying to warm me up to hearing it all the time when we're in Germany in five months and four days.

my dogs have been feeling very neglected, I think. We've tried to take them out running at the eighth street trails a couple times, but the weather has been so weird that either the trails are frozen over or completely muddy. Either way, they're unpredictable.

Maybe I should have taken this quiz three years ago.

My sexy new website!

Each teacher at my school is supposed to keep up a little calendar of their classes so that students and parents can access it from home. It only really needs to be done a week at a time, but some of us keep an ongoing calendar. I started off with the format I was given, but it was sooooo boring that I had to change it up. My next draft was a little better and the one after that a little better still. The last one I had was awesome...for a time. Now I have this one. I absolutely love it - which is why I'm sharing it here. I know a lot of people aren't too thrilled to see my kids' calendar, but you may be thrilled to know that I developed this website all on my own. It's a little tricky because we do the sites just on Word and because our server only updates once a week - so anything I work on doesn't show up as an actual change until Monday after school. And, because of that, there are a couple weird things - misalignments and such - on my page that you should just ignore for the most part. I know they're there. In fact, they've already been changed...you just won't see those changes until next week.

Anyway, just wanted to show off my handiwork! I think I'll quit my teaching job and just do web design from now on. This website will get me hired hands down!

What's in your cosmetics bag?

I have an increased awareness lately of the crap that cosmetics companies are putting in their products - and we then put on our bodies and faces. Here, I list just a couple of items you will find in a standard ingredients list with links to the web pages I retrieved the information from in case you don't believe me. Go ahead, read the back of your bottle of concealer, your lotion, your soap. You won't think the same way again about your childhood chemistry set.

Propylene Glycol

This is a tricky one because PG is very closely related to a couple other chemical compounds that are severely toxic (carcinogenic, even), but PG has been approved by the FDA for use in not only cosmetics, but in food (things like ice cream, microwavable popcorn, etc.). However, it can also be a primary ingredient in antifreeze.

But, just so I'm not only providing negative info on something many companies and researchers believe to be OK, here's a good article on the matter from Tom's.

Mineral Oil

What's highly flammable, used as a laxative, destructive when you get it in your eyes or swallow it, and something people rub all over babies every day? Mineral Oil! This stuff also goes by many aliases, such as "hydraulic oil" and "cable oil." Mineral oil, with added fragrance, is called "baby oil," but it is also commonly prescribed as a laxatives. Basically, when used in cosmetics, mineral oil is used to "cut" the product to make it last longer and go farther (the same basic idea coke dealers use when they cut their product with things like bleach).

And, once again, so that I'm letting you decide what you want, here's a site arguing for the safety and continued use of mineral oil.

Parabens

Currently, the FDA doesn't see a serious carcinogenic cause of concern with parabens, used as preservatives in many cosmetic lines, but the products are still under review. The reason parabens are still being tested is that there have been tests that have shown that bodies may react to the estrogen-esque properties in parabens, which may lead to certain types of cancers (primarily for females, who, incidentally, are the primary users of cosmetic products that contain parabens) even when the products containing parabens were only rubbed into the skin - they did not have to be ingested or injected. Problems in young boys who have exposure to parabens have been noticed as well - for instance sperm abnormalities and testicular cancer - and more attention is being paid to general allergies to parabens. For more information about research and cosmetics, visit ThinkBeforeYouPink.org.

I didn't find any web sites extolling the virtues of parabens.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate/Sodium Laureth Sulfate

This stuff, abbreviated to SLS and SLES, are commonly used as cleaning agents in shampoos, soaps, bubble baths, garage floor cleaners, and engine degreasers. They are used in products we expect to foam, but it's a cheap product (which is why it's used in general) and it's a severe irritant (think of the searing pain you experience every time you accidentally get soap in your eyes). There are no known carcinogenic effects of SLS, however, which is the biggest argument for the use of SLS or SLES.

Fine Literature

Sometimes when I talk to my "smart" friends who aren't middle school reading teachers I feel a little out of place. I graduated with an English degree and therefore hung out with a lot of people in college who read Emerson and Judith Butler on a regular basis. And I totally fit in. Then. I was one of them.

I don't read that stuff any more. I have no time or interest in that stuff. These days I'm working on some Phillip Pullman and plan soon to start some Scott Westerfeld. Why? Because I work with twelve-year-olds and that's what they read. When they ask me what a book is about or if an author is worth a shot, I want to be able to tell them truthfully, rather than just tell them what I've heard from other kids. And when they finish a book I want to have a discussion about it rather than just file that tip away for the next time a kid brings up kid literature. Plus, these are good reads. They're fun and easy and about life things that people face forever - even way out of adolescence; they're adventurous and encourage dreaming.

But really, I want to connect better with twelve-year-olds. I want to meet my new little "friends" where they are and on their page (pun intended). They don't care what Emerson said about friendships but they know that Harry, Ron and Hermione took seven years to develop the tight bond that they did and they know, because Ben Mikaelsen told them, that life is what you make of it - good and bad. They listen when Johnny tells Ponyboy to stay green and they're shocked with the possibilities in Uglies.

I encourage you to check out these books, these authors. Pick up some used copies somewhere and keep them in your car to read while you're waiting at the dentist's office or something. And when you're done, if you don't want to keep them, give them to me. I'll put them in my classroom and let some of my twlve-year-old literary explorers check them out. Their lives will be better because you shared with them some fine literature.

Noses

I underestimated how many students I would watch pick their noses every day in class before I started teaching. As it turns out, I watch students pick their noses every day. It's pretty awesome, really. And by "awesome," I mean funny in a gross sort of way. I thought that "Don't pick your nose" was one of those big time parent rules that they shout at their kids for the first ten years of their lives or so. But, as it turns out, that's not the case. Granted, more sixth graders than eighth graders pick their noses, but I personally think that more than one a day is too many. The funny part comes in when the kids try to hide it when they think no one's looking or behind their other, more free, hand.

And so I issue a plea to parents: Teach your children about tissues so they don't gross out their middle school teachers. Otherwise, my patience for this habit may wane and it may be your child I decide to embarrass some day.

Especially when you wonder what they do with all the gross nose stuff they dig out...

Warren Peace

The other night I was at dinner with some strangers. They found out I teach and were asking me some questions about it. I mentioned that I teach gifted and talented sixth graders - eleven-year-olds. I told the story of the conversation with one of my students that involved him telling me "When I read War and Peace..." and how statements like that don't even surprise me about those kids any more. I mean, this little child of a boy was talking about War and Peace in the past tense - as though perhaps he read it when he was in pre-school or something.

So one of the guys at the dinner table says, "Wow! I've never read Warren Peace and I'm well out of sixth grade. I've never even heard of the guy to have read any of his stuff!"

Huffing

In case you're unfamiliar with huffing, it is the process of getting high via smelling noxious substances. People huff gas, laundry detergent, bleach...You name it. As a side note, I think huffing is funny because it seems really desperate for a high...Not that that's funny, but...well, I guess it's a dry humor thing. Anyway...Huffing is something kids will do because it's easy to get ahold of substances to huff. Few people think to lock up things like laundry detergent or gas - especially since visiting gas stations is free...And markers can get you high too...those really smelly ones that give you a little headache...you know the ones...In fact, when they started making the "smelly markers" that was a REALLY bad idea because it got a lot of kindergarteners high. But, then, I never did think the rulers of the 1980s were incredibly intelligent. They have since changed the formula of the smelly markers because they couldn't take the law suits from parents suing due to brain damaged kids, I suppose. Those markers aren't nearly as "cool" as they used to be to the kids, although they're still sorta cool because they smell good...

So today one of the funniest things I've ever encounered while teaching happened. I have to preface this with the fact that just last night Kelly and I had a conversation about how I've noticed that the emo kids where I teach now aren't nearly as good about being emo as the kids at the last place I taught. We decided that it's because the last school I taught at was in a much, much, much lower socio-economic part of town. Much lower.

It was eighth period. My students were coloring a little comic they drew about their reading process when M, who could be considered a slightly weak-sauce emo kid, opened his binder and pulled out a Sharpie.

"I love the way Sharpies smell," he said enthusiastically. The class echoed approval.

"I love it too," said E, who could also be considered slightly weak-sauce emo. "And you know what's cool? When your head gets that woosy feeling after you smell the marker for a long time. It's kind of funny."

I hear this conversation from my desk and my ears perk up like cartoon radar systems.

"Are you guys talking about huffing markers?!?" I walk toward my students.

"No." They respond honestly in unison.

"No, Ms. Hagans. We're just talking about smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah...." I need to hear more.

E takes the lead. "It's just that when you smell them for a long time your head gets a little woosy. It's funny."

"Right," I respond seriously. "You're talking about huffing markers. You're getting high."

"I don't think so, Ms. Hagans," E says seriously. "We're just smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah. That woosy-in-the-head feeling means you're killing brain cells. Which means you're getting high. When ever you feel woosy in the head you're killing some brain cells. Especially if it's from something like smelling chemicals - like the stuff Sharpies are made of. Or snorting crack. Take your pick. Either way, you should never do it. And I especially never want you to do it in my class. I don't think your parents would like you getting high in English."

"Really?" says J from the back of the room. "You're really getting high when you smell markers?"

"Noxious markers like Sharpies, yes. It's that 'woosy' feeling in your head like E was saying."

"Wow! I didn't know that!"

I told J I didn't like the smile on his face and reiterated to the class that they were not to get high in my class any more.

My kids last year would have known all about huffing and that "woosy" feeling in their heads. Case in point - my kids this year suck at being "bad."

My Birthday Weekend

As nice as vacations are, I do so enjoy the time afterwards when I can nestle into my couch with my laptop and write about them. This vacation story is one of my birthday. I had been so busy and preoccupied with the schoolyear starting that I had nearly forgotten that it was my birthday. However, Kelly didn't. When I came home from school Friday I encountered a lovely surprise. Kelly had left work early to clean the house and mow the lawn so that everything around the house would be ready for us to leave as soon as I packed my suitcase. Within a half hour, we were out the door and heading for Crouch.

Crouch is a small, woodsy town of a few hundred people. Which is why I was surprised to find that they had an outdoor community theatre. That is where we spent Friday evening - after we checked into our bed and breakfast.

Saturday morning we woke up and hit the road again, this time heading toward McCall. Tamarack resort, more specifically. They have ziplining there and Kelly had signed us up. I was a little frightened at the first platform, but after that I relaxed and enjoyed myself.



After ziplining we took it slow. It was kind of an on-edge day of adrenaline and hiking. Sunday we left the B&B in search of a hot spring called Moondipper. The guy in the parking lot told us it didn't exist, but we didn't believe him. He seemed like a know-it-all redneck who we just didn't want to trust. So we hiked in to literally the middle of nowhere for what came to seem like hours.



Along the way we saw some wildlife and the most beautiful, untouched scenery I have seen in a long time. At times we wondered aloud if we were going to die out in the wilderness since our directions to this place were sketchy at best, but it was all worth it.



After such a long hike in the hot, hot sun we were exhausted. Last night we ate some ice cream and watched a movie in the comfort of our own home and got a long, full night of sleep. It was a wonderful weekend and a great way to start my 26th year!

Our New Bathroom

We decided to remodel our very outdated upstairs bathroom recently. Since it's done I thought I would post some pictures of all our hard work. Well, it's K's hard work more than mine...He had more time than I did to work on it - plus, the bathroom is too small for us to both work in there comfortably.


First, here's a shot of K taking out the old vanity. Notice the linoleum...the brown wood panelling...the thirty-year-old blinds...



This is the toilet spot after K took out the toilet.



Here's the area in front of the shower after it was painted and K started laying tiles.



Here's the old sink spot with the new tiles down and the paint all touched up.



Finally, voila! The finished product!



Like I said, the bathroom is a little small, so it was difficult for me to get a terribly good photograph, but I'm sure you get the point. This was a fun project and we are thrilled with the result!

OxBow

My dad is starting out as a home inspector and has a really cool new website for his company, OxBow. I just thought I would post it here in case anyone needs a home inspection in the southwest Idaho area and because I'm really impressed with the site!

Parenting

After working with at-risk and high-risk teens intimately for about two years now, I have come to some realizations about children, parenting and the like. What follows is a rough beginning to some of these thoughts and lessons learned put to paper.

What you pay attention to dictates how your child will act. This works in both a positive and a negative way. If you display all of the assignments your child scores an A on, your child will strive for good grades. If, however, you ignore her when she's doing well in school (perhaps because she isn't a bother to you at this point), but yell at her when she's failing, she will fail. If you're all right with him being quiet all the time and only pay attention to him (even if it is only to tell him to shut up) when he's making loud noises, he will make loud noises. You may not particularly value failing grades or annoying sounds, but what you give attention to teaches your child what is valuable in life because children thrive off of attention and cannot yet distinguish good from bad values.

You shape your child's social norms. This seems like a no-brainer, but I think not enough parents realize this. If you like to sit on the couch watching basketball and cheering for your favorite team no matter what else is going on around you - someone is trying to concentrate, take an important phone call, work on a project, etc. - your children will be as zoned in and show a similar disregard of others' space as well. It may or may not be with sports, but your child will find something. If you are cheerful when you meet people, use traditional manners of "please" and "thank you," laugh at other people's jokes, swear or call people names, your child will do those things as well.

Your child learns cleanliness habits from you. This begins with bathing him as an infant (Once a day...or once a week?) and continues throughout life. It generalizes to brushing his teeth, washing his hands, making his bed, changing his socks and underwear, using deodorant, vacuuming and caring about whether or not he eats off of clean dishes. When he pees his pants, do you clean it up immediately? Or do you let it go because it will evaporate eventually? When she doesn't shower for five or six days at a time, do you notice? Do you say anything? How often do you, the parent, brush your teeth? Sweep the floor? How much do you care what your house looks like when people come over? What do you do about it? Because it makes a difference, I promise.

Your child interacts with people outside the home the way she is allowed to act (and how other people are allowed to act) inside your home. If a child is allowed to bully his younger brother (name calling, hitting, manipulating, etc.), he will bully other people. He has learned that he has power not only over the little brother, but over Mom and Dad, who, even though they may tell him to stop, don't effect change in his behavior because he is more persistent than they are. And the younger, bullied brother will be both a target for other bullies (the behavior he is accustomed to at home) and may also bully those children over whom he can assert some power (younger children, children with either mental or physical handicaps, etc.) because that is another behavior he has learned from home and is one that he associates with power. The bullying that either child enacts may not be the TV version under the willow tree at lunch and may not involve stealing lunch money, but it may land him in trouble at some point. And then the parents say "I had no idea he could be like this..."

Negligent parents breed negligent children. Perhaps you only neglect paying attention to your daughter's diet. She may have a stellar diet on her own, but may be negligent with her math homework. Maybe you neglect following through with consequences. Maybe then your child neglects cleaning her room. You neglect to tell the truth; your child neglects to tell you what he does after school at his friend's house. You neglect to apologize when you do something wrong because it's easier for you to blame the other person...Your child mysteriously develops a similar trait. The negligence may or may not assert itself in the same manner, but it will appear in your child in some form. All it takes is some awareness on the part of the parent to prevent that.

That's it for now...But this is still in the works. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I know that I may be a little jaded in some respects because I work with such an extreme portion of the teenage population, but I like that because it makes me more aware. The more I think about this, the more I pay attention to my interactions with my siblings, my students, even my dogs, and especially the teens who represent my learning curve.

Today is my day off.

I have talked to my mother on the phone.

I have spent time outside, feeling the warm sunshine on my skin, knowing that the amount of time my skin would be exposed to the sun would depend on me rather than a ticking clock.

I have washed three loads of laundry and hung them outside to dry.

I have listened to my wooden wind chimes and remembered buying them in Belize.

I have responded to emails.

I have not changed out of my pajamas as of two in the afternoon.

I have read.

I have listened to music.

I have cleaned up the messy room in the house, creating one more full bag of paper for the recycling bin.

I have enjoyed my day.

Race For The Cure 3

Here's the group shot before the race. We were all very happy to be there among so many people working for the same cause. It was moving, really. Thank you to everyone who cheered us on along the way!

Race For The Cure 2

I picked up our race packets today! Hooray! It's only a week from this Saturday! Our team is at 20% of our fundraising goal, thanks to our lovely friends and family who have made generous contributions. I would like to add a couple to the list of thanks: Mandy and Scott!

Race for the Cure

I'm participating in Race for the Cure in two more Saturdays and would love some support from you, my loyal fan base. Yes, that's right, I'm asking for money. But really, it isn't for me; it's for breast cancer research. So think tax deductions and saving boobies and donate a buck or two!

P.S.
Much thanks to our current donors:
Rex and Liz
Diane and Steve
Bert and Lori

You rock!