Huffing

In case you're unfamiliar with huffing, it is the process of getting high via smelling noxious substances. People huff gas, laundry detergent, bleach...You name it. As a side note, I think huffing is funny because it seems really desperate for a high...Not that that's funny, but...well, I guess it's a dry humor thing. Anyway...Huffing is something kids will do because it's easy to get ahold of substances to huff. Few people think to lock up things like laundry detergent or gas - especially since visiting gas stations is free...And markers can get you high too...those really smelly ones that give you a little headache...you know the ones...In fact, when they started making the "smelly markers" that was a REALLY bad idea because it got a lot of kindergarteners high. But, then, I never did think the rulers of the 1980s were incredibly intelligent. They have since changed the formula of the smelly markers because they couldn't take the law suits from parents suing due to brain damaged kids, I suppose. Those markers aren't nearly as "cool" as they used to be to the kids, although they're still sorta cool because they smell good...

So today one of the funniest things I've ever encounered while teaching happened. I have to preface this with the fact that just last night Kelly and I had a conversation about how I've noticed that the emo kids where I teach now aren't nearly as good about being emo as the kids at the last place I taught. We decided that it's because the last school I taught at was in a much, much, much lower socio-economic part of town. Much lower.

It was eighth period. My students were coloring a little comic they drew about their reading process when M, who could be considered a slightly weak-sauce emo kid, opened his binder and pulled out a Sharpie.

"I love the way Sharpies smell," he said enthusiastically. The class echoed approval.

"I love it too," said E, who could also be considered slightly weak-sauce emo. "And you know what's cool? When your head gets that woosy feeling after you smell the marker for a long time. It's kind of funny."

I hear this conversation from my desk and my ears perk up like cartoon radar systems.

"Are you guys talking about huffing markers?!?" I walk toward my students.

"No." They respond honestly in unison.

"No, Ms. Hagans. We're just talking about smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah...." I need to hear more.

E takes the lead. "It's just that when you smell them for a long time your head gets a little woosy. It's funny."

"Right," I respond seriously. "You're talking about huffing markers. You're getting high."

"I don't think so, Ms. Hagans," E says seriously. "We're just smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah. That woosy-in-the-head feeling means you're killing brain cells. Which means you're getting high. When ever you feel woosy in the head you're killing some brain cells. Especially if it's from something like smelling chemicals - like the stuff Sharpies are made of. Or snorting crack. Take your pick. Either way, you should never do it. And I especially never want you to do it in my class. I don't think your parents would like you getting high in English."

"Really?" says J from the back of the room. "You're really getting high when you smell markers?"

"Noxious markers like Sharpies, yes. It's that 'woosy' feeling in your head like E was saying."

"Wow! I didn't know that!"

I told J I didn't like the smile on his face and reiterated to the class that they were not to get high in my class any more.

My kids last year would have known all about huffing and that "woosy" feeling in their heads. Case in point - my kids this year suck at being "bad."