Why I Hate Antidisestablishmentarianism

I remember when I was probably eight or nine asking my dad what the longest English word was. He told me "antidisestablishmentarianism," which quickly became my most favorite word despite being slightly unsure of its spelling and entirely unsure of its meaning.

I was a precocious child and sure of my academic superiority over my peers. Somehow, being armed with the knowledge of the longest English word increased that sense of superiority as well as my feeling of mastery of language. I remember reciting it over and over in my head on my walks to and from school and practicing writing it, just looking at it on the page in my own handwriting. Partially, I would write and rewrite this champion of a word because I wanted to make it look pretty and was continually discouraged at the fact that this is, simply, an ugly word. But mostly I wrote and rewrote it because it somehow connected me with an impression of eminence.

Through the years my humility grew. Since I'm not sure I had much humility at eight or nine I'm not sure if "grew" is the completely correct term for it; perhaps I would be more accurate to say that my humility was planted, but I'm not sure who I could credit for that. I realized a lot about my aforementioned academic superiority and other abilities, my relations with peers and the English language. The first serious blow, I think, came around the age of fourteen, when I learned that antidisestablishmentarianism is actually not the longest English word. In fact, antidisestablishmentarianism is a paltry 28 letters and is, incidentally, a mostly useless word in today's English vocabulary except for its ability to excite precocious children. The longest word in major English dictionaries is "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, a 45-letter word which refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles specifically from a volcano. Research has discovered that this word was originally a hoax. It has since been used in a close approximation of its originally intended meaning, lending at least some degree of validity to its claim. The Oxford English Dictionary contains pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism (30 letters). The longest non-technical word in major dictionaries is flocci­nauci­nihili­pili­fication at 29 letters. Consisting of a series of Latin words meaning "nothing" and defined as 'the act of estimating something as worthless,' its usage has been recorded as far back as 1741" (wikipedia). And then on top of that you have some random made up words from James Joyce or Mary Poppins that exceed some of these "actual" words, none of which I fault my father for not knowing. I don't know that it's necessary for really anyone to keep those terms tucked away in their knowledge bank.

My reasons for hating antidisestablishmentarianism have nothing to do with the meaning of the word. In fact, I have no strong opinions whatsoever concerning the opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England. My distaste for the word stems from the word itself. Even though I flaunted my knowledge of this word for so long, I never liked the word. It seemed greater than its own purpose and somehow I came to represent that. Therefore, my distaste for that pompous behavior extended to a heightened sense of the use of words and people who get high off of blatantly showing their own superiority through knowledge of bigger, better or more obscure words. Yes, I think that knowing more words and having a firm command of language is important and impressive. For me, however, it is when that vocabulary arsenal is used to intentionally degrade others that words cease to impress.

Recently, I've been discussing tolerance with my sixth grade gifted and talented students. They spent twenty minutes telling me all about how gifted kids have a higher emotional intelligence than other kids (which isn't necessarily reflected in the literature, by the way) and that they know all about intolerance from other people because they're always being snubbed for being smarter than everyone else. It was the "poor little rich girl" syndrome, basically, only with sixth grade smart kids who have no humility yet for their own gifts. The same day and every day since, I have heard them raving about the "awesomeness" of "antidisestablishmentarianism" and how dumb other kids their age are because they've never heard of it. So it continues.

Yes, I know all about the power of words and knowledge and how smarter (and generally higher income) kids are just exposed to more words since birth than their lower-IQ counterparts and that they're, in that way, factors of their environment that are directly related to their parents pushing them – pushing them to be smarter, know more, do better, get better grades. I get that and don't (usually) hold it against them.

But there's something about that word: antidisestablishmentarianism. It excites nerds. This ugly, pompous, useless word remains a champion among words for a reason that I may never understand again. For me, however, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that resembles a lack of awareness of the world, naivete of self, and, most of all, a foolish arrogance.