My sexy new website!

Each teacher at my school is supposed to keep up a little calendar of their classes so that students and parents can access it from home. It only really needs to be done a week at a time, but some of us keep an ongoing calendar. I started off with the format I was given, but it was sooooo boring that I had to change it up. My next draft was a little better and the one after that a little better still. The last one I had was awesome...for a time. Now I have this one. I absolutely love it - which is why I'm sharing it here. I know a lot of people aren't too thrilled to see my kids' calendar, but you may be thrilled to know that I developed this website all on my own. It's a little tricky because we do the sites just on Word and because our server only updates once a week - so anything I work on doesn't show up as an actual change until Monday after school. And, because of that, there are a couple weird things - misalignments and such - on my page that you should just ignore for the most part. I know they're there. In fact, they've already been changed...you just won't see those changes until next week.

Anyway, just wanted to show off my handiwork! I think I'll quit my teaching job and just do web design from now on. This website will get me hired hands down!

What's in your cosmetics bag?

I have an increased awareness lately of the crap that cosmetics companies are putting in their products - and we then put on our bodies and faces. Here, I list just a couple of items you will find in a standard ingredients list with links to the web pages I retrieved the information from in case you don't believe me. Go ahead, read the back of your bottle of concealer, your lotion, your soap. You won't think the same way again about your childhood chemistry set.

Propylene Glycol

This is a tricky one because PG is very closely related to a couple other chemical compounds that are severely toxic (carcinogenic, even), but PG has been approved by the FDA for use in not only cosmetics, but in food (things like ice cream, microwavable popcorn, etc.). However, it can also be a primary ingredient in antifreeze.

But, just so I'm not only providing negative info on something many companies and researchers believe to be OK, here's a good article on the matter from Tom's.

Mineral Oil

What's highly flammable, used as a laxative, destructive when you get it in your eyes or swallow it, and something people rub all over babies every day? Mineral Oil! This stuff also goes by many aliases, such as "hydraulic oil" and "cable oil." Mineral oil, with added fragrance, is called "baby oil," but it is also commonly prescribed as a laxatives. Basically, when used in cosmetics, mineral oil is used to "cut" the product to make it last longer and go farther (the same basic idea coke dealers use when they cut their product with things like bleach).

And, once again, so that I'm letting you decide what you want, here's a site arguing for the safety and continued use of mineral oil.

Parabens

Currently, the FDA doesn't see a serious carcinogenic cause of concern with parabens, used as preservatives in many cosmetic lines, but the products are still under review. The reason parabens are still being tested is that there have been tests that have shown that bodies may react to the estrogen-esque properties in parabens, which may lead to certain types of cancers (primarily for females, who, incidentally, are the primary users of cosmetic products that contain parabens) even when the products containing parabens were only rubbed into the skin - they did not have to be ingested or injected. Problems in young boys who have exposure to parabens have been noticed as well - for instance sperm abnormalities and testicular cancer - and more attention is being paid to general allergies to parabens. For more information about research and cosmetics, visit ThinkBeforeYouPink.org.

I didn't find any web sites extolling the virtues of parabens.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate/Sodium Laureth Sulfate

This stuff, abbreviated to SLS and SLES, are commonly used as cleaning agents in shampoos, soaps, bubble baths, garage floor cleaners, and engine degreasers. They are used in products we expect to foam, but it's a cheap product (which is why it's used in general) and it's a severe irritant (think of the searing pain you experience every time you accidentally get soap in your eyes). There are no known carcinogenic effects of SLS, however, which is the biggest argument for the use of SLS or SLES.

Fine Literature

Sometimes when I talk to my "smart" friends who aren't middle school reading teachers I feel a little out of place. I graduated with an English degree and therefore hung out with a lot of people in college who read Emerson and Judith Butler on a regular basis. And I totally fit in. Then. I was one of them.

I don't read that stuff any more. I have no time or interest in that stuff. These days I'm working on some Phillip Pullman and plan soon to start some Scott Westerfeld. Why? Because I work with twelve-year-olds and that's what they read. When they ask me what a book is about or if an author is worth a shot, I want to be able to tell them truthfully, rather than just tell them what I've heard from other kids. And when they finish a book I want to have a discussion about it rather than just file that tip away for the next time a kid brings up kid literature. Plus, these are good reads. They're fun and easy and about life things that people face forever - even way out of adolescence; they're adventurous and encourage dreaming.

But really, I want to connect better with twelve-year-olds. I want to meet my new little "friends" where they are and on their page (pun intended). They don't care what Emerson said about friendships but they know that Harry, Ron and Hermione took seven years to develop the tight bond that they did and they know, because Ben Mikaelsen told them, that life is what you make of it - good and bad. They listen when Johnny tells Ponyboy to stay green and they're shocked with the possibilities in Uglies.

I encourage you to check out these books, these authors. Pick up some used copies somewhere and keep them in your car to read while you're waiting at the dentist's office or something. And when you're done, if you don't want to keep them, give them to me. I'll put them in my classroom and let some of my twlve-year-old literary explorers check them out. Their lives will be better because you shared with them some fine literature.

Noses

I underestimated how many students I would watch pick their noses every day in class before I started teaching. As it turns out, I watch students pick their noses every day. It's pretty awesome, really. And by "awesome," I mean funny in a gross sort of way. I thought that "Don't pick your nose" was one of those big time parent rules that they shout at their kids for the first ten years of their lives or so. But, as it turns out, that's not the case. Granted, more sixth graders than eighth graders pick their noses, but I personally think that more than one a day is too many. The funny part comes in when the kids try to hide it when they think no one's looking or behind their other, more free, hand.

And so I issue a plea to parents: Teach your children about tissues so they don't gross out their middle school teachers. Otherwise, my patience for this habit may wane and it may be your child I decide to embarrass some day.

Especially when you wonder what they do with all the gross nose stuff they dig out...

Warren Peace

The other night I was at dinner with some strangers. They found out I teach and were asking me some questions about it. I mentioned that I teach gifted and talented sixth graders - eleven-year-olds. I told the story of the conversation with one of my students that involved him telling me "When I read War and Peace..." and how statements like that don't even surprise me about those kids any more. I mean, this little child of a boy was talking about War and Peace in the past tense - as though perhaps he read it when he was in pre-school or something.

So one of the guys at the dinner table says, "Wow! I've never read Warren Peace and I'm well out of sixth grade. I've never even heard of the guy to have read any of his stuff!"

Huffing

In case you're unfamiliar with huffing, it is the process of getting high via smelling noxious substances. People huff gas, laundry detergent, bleach...You name it. As a side note, I think huffing is funny because it seems really desperate for a high...Not that that's funny, but...well, I guess it's a dry humor thing. Anyway...Huffing is something kids will do because it's easy to get ahold of substances to huff. Few people think to lock up things like laundry detergent or gas - especially since visiting gas stations is free...And markers can get you high too...those really smelly ones that give you a little headache...you know the ones...In fact, when they started making the "smelly markers" that was a REALLY bad idea because it got a lot of kindergarteners high. But, then, I never did think the rulers of the 1980s were incredibly intelligent. They have since changed the formula of the smelly markers because they couldn't take the law suits from parents suing due to brain damaged kids, I suppose. Those markers aren't nearly as "cool" as they used to be to the kids, although they're still sorta cool because they smell good...

So today one of the funniest things I've ever encounered while teaching happened. I have to preface this with the fact that just last night Kelly and I had a conversation about how I've noticed that the emo kids where I teach now aren't nearly as good about being emo as the kids at the last place I taught. We decided that it's because the last school I taught at was in a much, much, much lower socio-economic part of town. Much lower.

It was eighth period. My students were coloring a little comic they drew about their reading process when M, who could be considered a slightly weak-sauce emo kid, opened his binder and pulled out a Sharpie.

"I love the way Sharpies smell," he said enthusiastically. The class echoed approval.

"I love it too," said E, who could also be considered slightly weak-sauce emo. "And you know what's cool? When your head gets that woosy feeling after you smell the marker for a long time. It's kind of funny."

I hear this conversation from my desk and my ears perk up like cartoon radar systems.

"Are you guys talking about huffing markers?!?" I walk toward my students.

"No." They respond honestly in unison.

"No, Ms. Hagans. We're just talking about smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah...." I need to hear more.

E takes the lead. "It's just that when you smell them for a long time your head gets a little woosy. It's funny."

"Right," I respond seriously. "You're talking about huffing markers. You're getting high."

"I don't think so, Ms. Hagans," E says seriously. "We're just smelling Sharpies."

"Yeah. That woosy-in-the-head feeling means you're killing brain cells. Which means you're getting high. When ever you feel woosy in the head you're killing some brain cells. Especially if it's from something like smelling chemicals - like the stuff Sharpies are made of. Or snorting crack. Take your pick. Either way, you should never do it. And I especially never want you to do it in my class. I don't think your parents would like you getting high in English."

"Really?" says J from the back of the room. "You're really getting high when you smell markers?"

"Noxious markers like Sharpies, yes. It's that 'woosy' feeling in your head like E was saying."

"Wow! I didn't know that!"

I told J I didn't like the smile on his face and reiterated to the class that they were not to get high in my class any more.

My kids last year would have known all about huffing and that "woosy" feeling in their heads. Case in point - my kids this year suck at being "bad."

My Birthday Weekend

As nice as vacations are, I do so enjoy the time afterwards when I can nestle into my couch with my laptop and write about them. This vacation story is one of my birthday. I had been so busy and preoccupied with the schoolyear starting that I had nearly forgotten that it was my birthday. However, Kelly didn't. When I came home from school Friday I encountered a lovely surprise. Kelly had left work early to clean the house and mow the lawn so that everything around the house would be ready for us to leave as soon as I packed my suitcase. Within a half hour, we were out the door and heading for Crouch.

Crouch is a small, woodsy town of a few hundred people. Which is why I was surprised to find that they had an outdoor community theatre. That is where we spent Friday evening - after we checked into our bed and breakfast.

Saturday morning we woke up and hit the road again, this time heading toward McCall. Tamarack resort, more specifically. They have ziplining there and Kelly had signed us up. I was a little frightened at the first platform, but after that I relaxed and enjoyed myself.



After ziplining we took it slow. It was kind of an on-edge day of adrenaline and hiking. Sunday we left the B&B in search of a hot spring called Moondipper. The guy in the parking lot told us it didn't exist, but we didn't believe him. He seemed like a know-it-all redneck who we just didn't want to trust. So we hiked in to literally the middle of nowhere for what came to seem like hours.



Along the way we saw some wildlife and the most beautiful, untouched scenery I have seen in a long time. At times we wondered aloud if we were going to die out in the wilderness since our directions to this place were sketchy at best, but it was all worth it.



After such a long hike in the hot, hot sun we were exhausted. Last night we ate some ice cream and watched a movie in the comfort of our own home and got a long, full night of sleep. It was a wonderful weekend and a great way to start my 26th year!

Our New Bathroom

We decided to remodel our very outdated upstairs bathroom recently. Since it's done I thought I would post some pictures of all our hard work. Well, it's K's hard work more than mine...He had more time than I did to work on it - plus, the bathroom is too small for us to both work in there comfortably.


First, here's a shot of K taking out the old vanity. Notice the linoleum...the brown wood panelling...the thirty-year-old blinds...



This is the toilet spot after K took out the toilet.



Here's the area in front of the shower after it was painted and K started laying tiles.



Here's the old sink spot with the new tiles down and the paint all touched up.



Finally, voila! The finished product!



Like I said, the bathroom is a little small, so it was difficult for me to get a terribly good photograph, but I'm sure you get the point. This was a fun project and we are thrilled with the result!

OxBow

My dad is starting out as a home inspector and has a really cool new website for his company, OxBow. I just thought I would post it here in case anyone needs a home inspection in the southwest Idaho area and because I'm really impressed with the site!

Parenting

After working with at-risk and high-risk teens intimately for about two years now, I have come to some realizations about children, parenting and the like. What follows is a rough beginning to some of these thoughts and lessons learned put to paper.

What you pay attention to dictates how your child will act. This works in both a positive and a negative way. If you display all of the assignments your child scores an A on, your child will strive for good grades. If, however, you ignore her when she's doing well in school (perhaps because she isn't a bother to you at this point), but yell at her when she's failing, she will fail. If you're all right with him being quiet all the time and only pay attention to him (even if it is only to tell him to shut up) when he's making loud noises, he will make loud noises. You may not particularly value failing grades or annoying sounds, but what you give attention to teaches your child what is valuable in life because children thrive off of attention and cannot yet distinguish good from bad values.

You shape your child's social norms. This seems like a no-brainer, but I think not enough parents realize this. If you like to sit on the couch watching basketball and cheering for your favorite team no matter what else is going on around you - someone is trying to concentrate, take an important phone call, work on a project, etc. - your children will be as zoned in and show a similar disregard of others' space as well. It may or may not be with sports, but your child will find something. If you are cheerful when you meet people, use traditional manners of "please" and "thank you," laugh at other people's jokes, swear or call people names, your child will do those things as well.

Your child learns cleanliness habits from you. This begins with bathing him as an infant (Once a day...or once a week?) and continues throughout life. It generalizes to brushing his teeth, washing his hands, making his bed, changing his socks and underwear, using deodorant, vacuuming and caring about whether or not he eats off of clean dishes. When he pees his pants, do you clean it up immediately? Or do you let it go because it will evaporate eventually? When she doesn't shower for five or six days at a time, do you notice? Do you say anything? How often do you, the parent, brush your teeth? Sweep the floor? How much do you care what your house looks like when people come over? What do you do about it? Because it makes a difference, I promise.

Your child interacts with people outside the home the way she is allowed to act (and how other people are allowed to act) inside your home. If a child is allowed to bully his younger brother (name calling, hitting, manipulating, etc.), he will bully other people. He has learned that he has power not only over the little brother, but over Mom and Dad, who, even though they may tell him to stop, don't effect change in his behavior because he is more persistent than they are. And the younger, bullied brother will be both a target for other bullies (the behavior he is accustomed to at home) and may also bully those children over whom he can assert some power (younger children, children with either mental or physical handicaps, etc.) because that is another behavior he has learned from home and is one that he associates with power. The bullying that either child enacts may not be the TV version under the willow tree at lunch and may not involve stealing lunch money, but it may land him in trouble at some point. And then the parents say "I had no idea he could be like this..."

Negligent parents breed negligent children. Perhaps you only neglect paying attention to your daughter's diet. She may have a stellar diet on her own, but may be negligent with her math homework. Maybe you neglect following through with consequences. Maybe then your child neglects cleaning her room. You neglect to tell the truth; your child neglects to tell you what he does after school at his friend's house. You neglect to apologize when you do something wrong because it's easier for you to blame the other person...Your child mysteriously develops a similar trait. The negligence may or may not assert itself in the same manner, but it will appear in your child in some form. All it takes is some awareness on the part of the parent to prevent that.

That's it for now...But this is still in the works. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I know that I may be a little jaded in some respects because I work with such an extreme portion of the teenage population, but I like that because it makes me more aware. The more I think about this, the more I pay attention to my interactions with my siblings, my students, even my dogs, and especially the teens who represent my learning curve.

Today is my day off.

I have talked to my mother on the phone.

I have spent time outside, feeling the warm sunshine on my skin, knowing that the amount of time my skin would be exposed to the sun would depend on me rather than a ticking clock.

I have washed three loads of laundry and hung them outside to dry.

I have listened to my wooden wind chimes and remembered buying them in Belize.

I have responded to emails.

I have not changed out of my pajamas as of two in the afternoon.

I have read.

I have listened to music.

I have cleaned up the messy room in the house, creating one more full bag of paper for the recycling bin.

I have enjoyed my day.

Race For The Cure 3

Here's the group shot before the race. We were all very happy to be there among so many people working for the same cause. It was moving, really. Thank you to everyone who cheered us on along the way!

Race For The Cure 2

I picked up our race packets today! Hooray! It's only a week from this Saturday! Our team is at 20% of our fundraising goal, thanks to our lovely friends and family who have made generous contributions. I would like to add a couple to the list of thanks: Mandy and Scott!

Race for the Cure

I'm participating in Race for the Cure in two more Saturdays and would love some support from you, my loyal fan base. Yes, that's right, I'm asking for money. But really, it isn't for me; it's for breast cancer research. So think tax deductions and saving boobies and donate a buck or two!

P.S.
Much thanks to our current donors:
Rex and Liz
Diane and Steve
Bert and Lori

You rock!

Maturity

A student hugged me today. This student was the captain of the football team, straight A, funny, charismatic, genial, helpful, attractive, cooperative student everyone likes. After the said hug, I realized something...

He talks to me because he wants to.
He is nice to me because he wants to.
He hugged me because he wanted to.

Ten years ago when I was their age, THAT kid wouldn't have talked to me, been nice to me and would definitely not have hugged me. I was so not cool back then. I didn't do my hair, I didn't wear hip clothes, and I didn't talk to people because I was nervous and worried that they wouldn't like me. Instead, I read and studied and talked to safe people. I kept to myself and, not only would the captain of the football team have not hugged me, he would have flat out ignored me.

It's so funny to see the differences today. In their world, those "cool" things are soooo important. In my world, they're really not. But because I don't really fit into their social world, I can be accepted for being a cool adult. This kid, whose counterpart made fun of me a decade ago, hugged me today. And I allowed him without wonderng what mean trick he was pulling as I once did.

When do we make that transition? What drives us to be horrible to each other? And then suddenly to be OK? Does "cool" ever actually go away? And who makes it up?

Down, down, baby, down by the roller coaster.

I think that friendships were easier once upon a time, back when we jumped rope and judged people on their ability to keep up in hand-slap games. I think it was better and more clear cut then, too.

I have one friend now who I don't really want to be friends with any more because she brings me down and it seems to me that she doesn't want to be my friend any more because I bore her, but we continue talking to each other. I have a friend I want to see more because she's true and fun and helps me remember to let go, but she has a baby and a boyfriend who, rightfully so, take precedence in her life. I have a friend who I thought was a good friend for a long time, but now I'm not so sure because either her definition of how you treat a friend has changed or her feelings about our friendship have. I have a friend who is on such a different path than I am with her life, her education, and her choices in general that we have nothing to talk about when we're together that obligatory once in a while except the old times - and I think we're lucky enough to have enough old times to fall back on. I have a friend who I would love to see more because we have a lot in common and never run short of things to say to one another, but between our two busy schedules I'm fortunate if I can see her once a month.

So it would be easier - much easier - if they all lived in my apartment complex again and we could visit each other every day after school and we could race around the sidewalk taking turns pulling each other in our red wagons and we could turn up the radio and dance and spin circles in the grass and we could know each other's parents as only "mom" and "dad" and they would love us all the same. And we could play again without worrying about making supper or getting up early in the morning or staining our clothes because jacks and hopscotch would be the only things on our minds.

Summer Dreamin'

I'm really looking forward to this summer. I have the COOLEST shift EVER at the shelter for one, and for two, K and I have gotten into fun, cool outdoor physical activity stuff like trail running and hiking. We want to do a lot more of it this summer. Plus, I'll be riding my bike to work this summer too. AND we have two trips planned so far: to Oregon and to Virginia. And hopefully this summer I'll get a teaching job and I WILL finish my master's. Overall, it will be amazing. The only thing to do now is wait for it to get here...

Denver

I had a great time in Denver. In between attending wedding events, Jennifer and I spent a lot of time talking and talking and talking. We shopped some, ate some and walked some, but mostly we were talking. It was a lot of fun spending that much time with another girl - something I haven't done since, well, since I lived with Jennifer.

Here we are at the bachelorette party. I won the group a bucket-o-drinks because I knew who the drummer for Queen was. And by knowing that, what I mean is that I sneaked off, called K, and had him Google it for me.



Here's a group shot of all of us girls at the bachelorette party. It was held at a piano bar (after a delicious dinner) that really was the perfect venue for the occasion. I think we all had a great time!



And finally, what would a post that mentions a wedding be without a picture from the wedding? Here's the beaming couple in after the nuptuals. Everything was beautiful and Mandy and Scott looked truly happy - which is all I can wish for them for the rest of their lives!



Overall, it was a great trip, but I was glad to be home again. I think that's how you can tell if you've had a good vacation - if you're ready to see your own comfy, familiar surroundings again. Millions of thanks to Mandy and Scott for the reason to fly to Denver; to Hillary, Mandy and Hillary's parents, and Scott's parents for planning other cool events during the weekend; Bethany for the ride to the airport; Justin for the ride from the airport; Jen for the fabulous company and trusty chauffeuring all weekend; and, of course, Justin and Jen for their amazing hospitality (which loosely translates into "Thanks for letting me invade your bathroom with all my crazy girly stuff").

Denver or Bust

Tomorrow morning I leave for Denver! I'm looking forward to a weekend full of hanging out with friends and not grading papers! Hopefully, my camera won't suck all the life from my batteries in two seconds like they have been lately and I'll be able to bring home some cool pictures to post here!

Lucyfer

Lately, Lucy just isn't happy unles she is well exercised. And by well exercised, I mean at least a half hour of running outside. She paces through the house, half barking, half howling. She prances up to the couch, bites my hands or other available extremities and yaps at me. She paces more, tastes her food, whines, paces, yaps, nips, yaps, whines, licks, paws at me, jumps, paws at me...it continues. Two nights ago she let us know she was upset by bringing downstairs a pair of Kelly's underwear and my work out pants. We were home. We were sitting on the couch. She brought them to us - almost as a warning of what havoc she was thinking of wreaking. We have been taking her out more frequently now that the weather is nicer, but it seems like we need to do something first thing in the morning, before she has the chance to go stir crazy. The thing is, she's driving me absolutely crazy dealing with all her nuttiness!

Spring break

I find that I get just as excited about spring break now as I did when I was a kid. I've also come to determine that I think a "real" job with "real" hours would be detrimental to my health. One reason I think teaching will be such a great fit for me is because of the time that it requires you to take off: all holidays, spring break, summer break, Thanksgiving break and winter break. Without those scheduled times off, I think I would just work and work and work and never take time off, which would eventually lead to my ultimate demise and failure as a well-rounded human being.

Daydreams

Do you ever have daydreams of kicking someone's ass just because you think it would be a good outlet for some pent-up frustration you've been carrying around for a while?

My daydream features an attractive male in his mid-twenties wearing a tight Hollister tee shirt and pre-shredded Abercrombie jeans with hair just long enough that I can get a good handful of for just enought time to make him tear up while I yell at him in public - in front of his friends is best - and make him apologize, although for what I do not know.

I wonder what Freud or Jung would have to say about this (on second thought, Adler may have more to offer on the subject).

NPR/PBS

The other day, K and I were stopped while out and about by a man with a clipboard who wanted to ask us some survey questions. Since it was just a mild survey, we agreed to talk to him. He began with one simple question: What local radio station do you most listen to? He was trying to figure out which station would be the most profitable for his company to advertise on. We told him that we listen to 95.1 - the BSU radio station that carries NPR. Unfortunately, that one wasn't on his list. So he asked us which television station we most watched. We told him channel four: PBS. He said, "No, I mean which local station?" We told him that PBS was the only local station in Idaho, but he argued with us and showed us his list and asked us to select one of the stations he had listed. We told him, honestly, that we don't watch them. He said OK and thanked us in a way that made us think we had somehow disappointed him...Except that I'm not sorry we don't rot our brains with standard network sitcoms.

My Vindictive Daughter

When Lucy is not appropriately (read: to her standards) paid attention to, she chews things. She chews things anyway - mostly paper items - but these things are like stereo manuals that we have no idea how she obtains or junk mail that has not yet made its way to the recycling bin. Yesterday, however, I think due largely in part to the fact that she had not been walked for two mornings straight, she chewed my personally annotated copy of To Kill a Mockingbird that I have had since high school and have been using in the current instruction of my ninth graders. It is, in no way, salvageable. Many of my annotations, however, did not end up in her digestional cavities so I will be able to resurrect them in another version of the novel fresh from my shelf. It's a pain, really, but the price we pay for having such a bright, spirited and drama queen-esque member of the family.

Apologies

It has been brought to my attention that one of my current 102 students has stumbled upon this personal blog of mine and was concerned with a statement which remarked that I feel inadequate with certain areas of my life right now, including my 102 class. This discovery was in part my fault. For whatever reason, my computer defaults a section for blog comments with this website, which it did on the blog for my 102 class. I try diligently to erase it each time I post, but sometimes I forget. Well, I forgot once or twice.

Regardless of the fact that I feel as though this was an inappropriate boundary to breach in a student/teacher relationship where I value some personal distance, I recognize that my writings here are public and therefore accessible to anyone and for that cannot hold a grudge. Plus, it was my own fault for not watching my computer's lovely defaults better. I would like to apologize to that student - and any other student who read that post - for the misunderstanding that arose from reading that blog post. Yes, I did express concern with myself and my own responsibilities, but that post was hardly more than a personal, hyperbolic rant. I take it for granted, I think, that the majority of people who read this - about seven total in the world - are close friends and family members who speak to me on a steady basis and are privy to my propensity to vent negative bothers and exaggerate on my personal blog.

In actuality, I feel that my life is quite balanced between home, school, work, work, and work. One reason I perhaps feel that I don't give as much time to my 102 class as I should is because I don't give as much to it as I have in the past. This is because I wrote daily lesson plans and set course expectations during winter break this year rather than working on it throughout the semester, leaving for me only the task of adding to lessons or altering things along the way. This has proven to work rather successfully for me, and has helped me grow in the art of unit planning and coordination and has alleviated my constant time commitments in the copy room and late nights at my computer trying to come up with an idea of what to do next. Also, as I mentioned, I'm unable to return emails during the day and often either don't want to sit at a computer or have no time to sit at a computer in the evenings. I generally try to maintain a 24-hour return on emails, but this semester, admittedly, it has taken me longer - sometimes up to three days, which, although a disappointment to me at times, has not yet seemingly been a problem with my students. If it has, they have not voiced that, and since they also have my cell phone number, they have more than one venue for doing so.

And so, I apologize for having a rough time and feeling comfortable enough to put that mildly on public display. My heart is in fact in all that I do and I often find it mostly in my 102 students. I do honestly worry about neglecting them, but I am coming to learn that that's a general fear of many teachers. I look forward to every Saturday class this semester and helping welcome a classroom full of bright and interesting adults to the world of college writing. Working as a graduate assistant over the previous two years has increased my awareness like I had never imagined it could to the world of education, authorship and community connectedness. I fear that leaving it at the end of the semester will leave me with a certain void in my life that could never be filled with ninth graders. I value the college courses I teach for their openness, their willingness, their insight and, obviously, their lack of behavioral concerns. They are a place where I can share, intellectualize and challenge in a way that I can't in other avenues of my life. I view my 102 class this semester, in particular, nostalgically for that reason: it will be my last. I think it is this reason as well that drives me to succeed with them, to help them more than I've helped the others, to do more than a superhuman teacher could do. But alas, since I am not superhuman, I must live with what I am capable of: one day a week, pre-planned lessons, sometimes late emails, and all the gusto I can gather.

Scene: The Boulevard Bar

Scene opens upon a dark, smokey bar. People play pool wearing jeans and tee shirts or flannel. Other people linger at the bar making large movements and talking and laughing overtly. The juke box plays loudly from the corner. Enter Me and K for my aunt's birthday celebration.

After sitting for a while at my aunt's table, I decide I would like water and offer to buy the birthday girl a drink. I stand and walk toward the bar. I aim for a section of the bar with three open barstools near the end of the bar. I lean forward on the bar and wait for the bartender. A middle-aged and severely drunk man two barstools over addresses me.

MAN: Are you married?
ME: Excuse me? It's difficult to hear over the noise of the place.
MAN: Are you married?
ME: Yes. looking back at the bartender
MAN: I rarely do married women.
ME: shocked and a little apalledOh!looking back at the bartender
MAN: laughing and embarrassed I'm sorry, that didn't come out right.
ME: wanting to exit the conversation and still be polite That's...all right. I know what you meant and...I'll just...take it as a...compliment. looking back at the bartender
MAN: My name's Doyal. D-O-Y-A-L.
ME: Nice to meet you Doyal. looking back at the bartender
MAN: reassuringly serious I would do you in a second, though, if you weren't married.
ME: again shocked That's...nice. looking back at the bartender
MAN: Are you sure you're married?
ME: Yup, I'm sure.
MAN: I just thought I would check.
ME: nod

Upon the scene enters the bartender. I am finally able to order my water and cocktail and leave the creepy man.

OMG

There's nothing at all in the whole world like coming home, exhausted, on a Friday, sitting down to check out what's been happening in Internetland, and finding a riotous display of humor on the comments section on my blog. Absolutely nothing else like it anywhere...

One thing quickly about women's pants. I hate the fact that men can buy pants in a waist size AND length. As a woman, you can buy a 0,2,4,6,8...you get it. And the length of all those pants sizes is roughly the same: about an inch longer than necessary to fit my legs. NOT all of us are built at 5'6"-5'8". Some of us fall about an inch short of that - and our legs are to blame. Never, in a million years, will my leg length change. Yet, I will forever be rehemming all the pants I purchase. Thank goodness I have a grandmother with a sewing machine and lots of spare time.

Sometimes, I would just rather play video games.

Well, I'm getting the feel finally for working full time. What I have determined thus far is that I do not like waking up every day at 6:30. I would much rather wake up an hour and a half later. However, I can't work an eight-hour day and still be home around three in the afternoon if I sleep until eight every morning. Bah.

I discovered today that I'm making about $10 an hour. I'm substitute teaching for my cooperating teacher, see, and making $75 a day for it. If I'm there at eight and leave by three, that's about $10.71 an hour. However, my days fluctuate - and I'm always there before eight and usually stay at least a few minutes after three. How do I feel about that? I don't like it. Teaching is harder than working at the shelter. More planning and thinking goes into the job, plus, I'm actively shaping their minds every single day, filling them with knowledge about racism and judgement and other complicated issues (we're reading To Kill a Mockingbird). At the shelter, I have time to do crossword puzzles sometimes or spend time alone in the kitchen when I'm making dinner or washing dishes. At the shelter, I take kids to the movies, hot springing, or hiking and will often watch TV with them or work on puzzles with them in the living room. All I have to do there is be fun yet uphold rules and set a good example. Yet at the shelter - even though it's in the social work field - I make $2 per hour more. Somehow, that doesn't match up to me.

Incidentally, I discovered that I made more last year than almost all of my previous working years combined. That's only an estimate, but it may be very, very true. And I'm still in graduate school! People in graduate school aren't supposed to make lots and lots of money! Not that $18,000 is a lot of money, but I suppose when you're in fields as lucrative as mine, you don't have a lot of complaining room.

Allergies

I think that to my list of seasonal and pet allergies I can safely add a third. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to all activities involving the computer, a pen or a pencil. K thinks this may increase my difficulties in becoming a teacher. I think he's right. Already, this allergy is taking its toll on my health and well-being. For instance, I have had an off-and-on headache for about a week now. Today, when I have spent more time than on previous days in front of the computer, the headache seems more resilient. Another symptom of this allergy is insomnia. I have had such a difficult time sleeping this week that making it from day to day is becoming increasingly difficult. I used to experience insomnia when I was a teenager - perhaps the allergy laid dormant for a few years and is just now resurfacing - so I'm sure that's what this is that wakes me up at 3 a.m. and keeps me awake for hours, unable to fall back to slumber.

I wonder if they make medication that would help curb the effects of this allergy. In fact, I wonder if doctors have even diagnosed the problem yet. I could be the first in a series of cases. They could name something after me - perhaps the affliction or the resulting medication. I could go on tour with pharmaceutical companies and write a self-help book and provide inspiration for people all over the globe who also suffer from this allergy. I could save the universe!

Perhaps that's my calling, then. Perhaps I'm not meant to finish school, but rather to give speeches at conferences held in cheap hotels where they will give me gifts like crystal clocks and wooden carvings of young children healed by my word.

Thank goodness for allergies.

The semester...

is going well so far. I've taught at West for two days - which means that I'll start updating my student teaching blog again soon. I also have a new college class blog to add to the list - it's up now, gliches and all. I'm not sleeping eight to ten hours a night any more. That sort of sucks. And my super cool teacher who seemed to be totally cool with anything I wanted to try with the ninth graders is turning out to have a few more...preferences...than she initially let on. I still NEED a book for my master's prospectus that the BSU library has seemingly lost and would like to look at another one that someone has had checked out for two months now. Seriously...Who else in their right mind needs a book on classroom differentiation for that long? On a side note, I learned tonight that graduate students can check out up to 250 books at the library. I'm only at a paltry 38.

I can feel it coming...

K started getting sick Saturday. He was complaining about a severe headache, neck stiffness, confusion, dizziness, fevers, chills and fatigue. Yesterday we took him in to a doctor because he didn't seem to be getting better and we were worried that it could be meningitis. The doctor said it was just a flu that's been going around and that he's lucky he didn't pick up the other rabid strand coarsing through Boise - the one accompanied by digestional grossness. She prescribed him Norco, which is like double Vicatin, and told him to get some rest and drink plenty of fluids. I like the meds - they make him silly.

I woke up this morning with a headache and as the day progresses I want to do less, my head feels heavier, and my neck doesn't want to move at all. I think I'm developing the flu too. Maybe we'll spend the weekend high on pain meds, being goofy together.

Help!

I have a program currently being protected by a firewall. I went into my firewall controls and made sure the program is excepted. It is. However, it's still being blocked by the firewall. I don't know what to do with it. Ergo, I need my computer-savvy pals to provide PC assistance. Please!

I heart cooking!

I just made a super dinner, followed by delicious banana bread. The dinner was one of the "weird" meals K and I love so much but most people we know don't because it involved lots of vegetables and nothing fried, so I'm not going to waste my time by posting the recipe link. However, the banana bread (although also a healthier alternative to its standard form) was amazing! I just used two medium eggs and didn't do the glaze and one hour in my oven was perfect. Happy baking!

I should have studied business...

I know it's still early in the year, but in case you're wondering, there are no openings for secondary English teachers in the following school districts:

Boise
Caldwell
Emmett Independent
Garden Valley
Horseshoe Bend
Kuna
Meridian Joint
Middleton
Twin Falls
Vallivue

There are, however, plenty of openings for business teachers.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

K came home last night around four - as in four this morning. With the exception of a half-gone voice and a blue and orange tinged chest, he looks in tip top shape. He told me this morning that he's glad there's two sexes, that riding for that long with that many guys was fun for a while, but it sure made him miss home.