Happy holidays and a wonderful party to you.

Sometimes I marvel at where we once were and where we are today.









Sometimes I fear for where we're going.

King Kong

It never ceases to amaze me how a little personification of a 25-foot gorilla can make people cry over the fact that a woman is in love with the said primate.

Granted, it was a good film and was very well done, but doesn't anyone think the inter-species love connection was a little odd? I know the love part of the story was't the main idea in the movie, but the falling-in-love scenes were sure played up.

Everyone I've talked to about the film has said that they cried at the end - guy and girl alike. First of all, don't you expect that he's going to die? I've never seen the old movies to know the actual plot of the story, but just from context clues alone I knew the ape would die. It's like when people cry when watching Romeo and Juliet. If you've paid attention at all at any point in your life to a Shakespeare reference, you know what to expect. Anyway, I don't think anyone would cry so much over it if Kong wasn't a CG-created person in a 25-foot gorilla costume. He laughed, he threw a tantrum, he fought desperately for his love, he was sad and he was defeated. He was essentially a person made to look like a gorilla.

It's always odd to me when movie makers make animals seem more like humans. You know, when they talk or express human emotions. It's like it's all to create a stronger emotional tie to the animals.

Did anyone see March of the Penguins? Again, a very well-done film, but one that capitalized on the human emotions of love and committment that the non-human penguins expressed. Morgan Freeman, the narrator, even said that the film was the story of love. And so many people cried at that film too. Now, there are penguins everywhere. They're in magazines, new Coke ads, billboards, tee shirts - anywhere a penguin could possibly land in an attempt to make people go "Awww..."

My prediction is that Kong finds his way very soon to similar places - and not just the Kong from the film (because the marketing for such a large film is inevitable) but gorillas in general. I think that sign language gorilla will make a come-back in the next year. Maybe we'll see her in a Coke ad.

I'm not just saying this because I don't really like animals. I'm saying this because I don't believe that animals are capable of expressing human facial expressions or emotions. Yes, I think that at times my dog looks sad or happy but I do not think that he ever experiences anything as complex as guilt or love, both of which are emotions influenced and created by a society my dog has no concept of. If my dog were to be in a movie, I would not want them to CG his face or give him a voice. I would not want my dog to be the connection between a complex, abstract emotion and a full audience. I would not want my dog to create more on-screen connections with audience members than those audience members have with their own families.

More tears should be shed for real-life situations than for over-personified, CG-created animals.

Graveyards

I'm about an hour and a half away from finishing up my second grave in a row. This shift does crazy things to my body and brain. I start hearing things the more tired I get. My body also gets colder through the night. Last night around 4 a.m. I bundled myself up in my scarf and coat because I was freezing so bad. These shifts render me helpless to tears, too. As in, I cry at anything. I can make myself weep just imagining anything touching. It's sad, really, in a more-pathetic, less-weepy sort of way. I also get highly UNmotivated to anything more productive than complete a crossword puzzle...which I have yet to start this evening. I did manage to get quite a bit done tonight, but not as much as I could honestly do in a nine-hour period when I'm dedicated to the process of work. Mostly I sat on the internet tonight. No, I was not looking up porn. Geez, there are other things to do on the internet than illegal things that would have me fired from the shelter. I also talk to myself more when I get this sleepy. The worst part of this shift, however, is the drive home. That's when I turn the music up louder than necessary and sing and dance to whatever is on. If that doesn't work my only other option is calling Kelly and waking him up and making him talk to me until I get home. But I don't like to do that for two reasons 1)I don't like waking people up, and 2)then I have to drive while talking on the phone AND drive tired. You know, they've done studies that show that driving under the influence of sleep deprivation is worse in some cases and is always comparable to driving under the influence of alcohol. Let me assure you, it's true. Oh, gotta go. I think I just heard a door open again. Except I know I didn't because I can see the entire shelter from where I'm sitting. I'm just hearing things. At least I can't imagine that it's ghosts. We just moved into this facility in September so there can't be ghosts here yet. I explained all the weird noises in the old shelter on ghosts because I'm pretty sure it was haunted. But I'm going to get up and walk around some and go to the bathroom again and eat so that when I get home and go to bed I don't wake up starving two hours later. Thank goodness for Red Bull because without it I would fall asleep on these insane shifts. And I just know that the night I fall asleep at work will be the night the kids band together in mutiny and string me from the rafters upside down and throw darts at my toes. That would be bad but it would definitely wake me up. I would most likely lose my job in that case, though, and I don't want that to happen because I really like my job. Even when I work graveyards.

Grading is tough work

I never thought that assigning grades would be difficult. I just can't justify holding students accountable to a certain standard of what an "A" student or an "A" paper looks like. Some of them fit what I think it should be, while others just don't. Those students probably never have and probably never will. But they come to class every day and they try and their writing shows effort. Does that mean that I give them a "C" because they pale in comparison to my obvious "A" students or do I give them an "A" because they wanted to do well and they tried hard? How much of the grading do I make purely subjective and how much do I make a standard of the curriculum I outlined through the course? How much is it worth to me to grade students down when they answer their phones in class or admit to me personally that they are big procrastinators? When they write me a good letter explaining why they think they deserve an "A" should I take that into full consideration? What about that student whose mother died just before school and whose father was soon after hospitalized? Who dealt with a son who refused to finish high school and a daughter who was in a severe car accident? Who fell to depression and couldn't attend class for a month? What about that student who had three deaths this semester in his immediate family? What about that student who came to class every single day and was only late once - on the day she came to class after being at the hospital for experiencing dizzy spells - because coming to class meant that much to her? What about that student who was always present and early, except for all those days she was late because she rode in from Nampa with her always late boyfriend? Do I grade them all the same? Is it fair to grade them all the same? How do I compare the 45-year-old woman who has been out of school for 23 years with the recent high school graduate who knows full well that he's wasting both my time and his? How do I compare the student who has always been a success in school with the one who has never been able to live up to teachers' standards?

sigh

These are the things I've been battling for some time now. It's just that I'm finally at that stage where I'm filling out the final grade reports and my quandries have to take a tangible form. I'm pretty sure where I want to go with all of this and how I'm going to grade...I want to find a way to restructure my class so that it's done in a way that will beyond reasonable doubt give everyone in my class a way to achieve an "A" without worry. Because then they won't have a reason to complain when they don't get that. Or will they? I just don't know...

I wish BSU just did narrative grades. I would much rather type out a letter to each of my students telling them their strengths and their weaknesses. How ridiculous is it that they have to try and figure out their strengths and weaknesses on their own by looking at their grade report and seeing: B. What does that "B" tell them? Nothing. It's an arbitrary letter corresponding to an arbitrary number. It doesn't tell them "Your in-class participation was great, but you're missing four assignments," or "I don't think you put the right amount of effort into your final portfolio to prove to me that you learned valuable tools throughout this class. I think that's reflected in your attendance record as well," or even "You were a jerk to your classmates."

I need to do some rethinking. I want to work it so that my students will all get an "A" next semester because they will all have worked hard for it.

Something has to work for me that will make this whole "grading" thing easier and seem more fair for all students, regardless of their aptitute. And easier and fair for me, rather than making things subjective or imbalanced.

I think grades and absolute standards should be abolished. Why is a 4.0 so wonderful? I've received an "A" from classes I learned nothing in and I've earned a "C" from classes I learned tons in. What's the difference? Which class benefitted me more? Which felt like a waste of time for me? The classes I learned the most from are the ones I've liked the most, regardless of my "average" grade. The grade, in the end, meant nothing to me because it was all about my aptitude in the class. I just performed poorly on the assessments - and for that I received something less than what I thought I deserved grade-wise. Did I think it was fair? No. Was there anything I could do about it? No. Do I want my students to experience the let-down of having the teacher hold them to an absolute and irrelevant standard that does not measure their ability or what they think they have learned throughout the semester? No.

I never thought that assigning grades would be difficult.

It's Over

One way to float
is if you die
Lisa Loeb

The semester is officially over. And even though throughout most of it I felt like I was drowning, I am, after all, afloat.

Tookie

I've been very interested lately in this Tookie Williams case. Evidently, this guy co-founded the Crips and in 1981 was convicted of killing four people. He's been on death row in California for the past 24 years because of that conviction and was finally executed early this morning.

The thing is, this guy says he didn't commit those murders. Sure, why would he, right? But since he's been in jail he has written many books for youth about gangs and how to avoid them and how to get out of them. He's been nominated more than once for the Nobel Peace Prize. He advocates against teen violence and gangs in general. His lawyers weren't advocating for his release from prison; they were only advocating for a life without parole sentence. They said that he was worth more to the world alive than dead.

And now the issue has turned into one of playing God, much like any decision where you get to decide who dies would. But it's more than just a decision of deciding who dies. It's a decision of his atonement and redemption. In fact, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said "Without an apology and atonement for these senseless and brutal killings there can be no redemption." So now it appears as though he is making the decision of who has had a change of heart and who has not, who has seen the error of their ways and who has not. The governor of California evidently knows more about the emotional value and political worth of this man and his intentions than anyone else in the universe. I don't know..."Oh my Schwarzenegger" just doesn't have the same ring to it...

What gets me is that they let this man sit for 24 years making social amends for his previous, non-prison life and now they've decided to kill him to "atone" for his previous sins. Disgusting..

Funny Gym Guy

Last week when Kelly and I went to the gym there was a guy lifting weights in the same area as us. Well, he was sort of lifting weights. Mostly, he was looking at himself in the mirror. He looked at himself for about five minutes then do a set. Then he looked at himself for another five minutes and do another set. I think he probably got in ten minutes worth of lifting in a half hour. He would move his tee shirt to get a better view of his biceps or turn and look at his calves. He was a normal-looking guy - not bulky or ripped or anything like that. And he didn't have a bunch of saggy skin as though he just lost 300 pounds and should be super proud of his physique. But we just made note of the fact that he was looking at himself an awful lot and went on with our workout.

Just before we left, Mirror Guy sat down at the chest press. I was sitting behind him on the other side of the room so I had a perfect vantage point for this activity through his favorite object in the room: the mirror. He placed his hands on the handles, braced himself and pushed hard. He squinted up his face, his face turned red, and the veins in his neck and forhead bulged a little. He was pressing his chest. Except that nothing happened. He held the squinty pose, grunting with the lifting motion, for about five seconds. Then he released. The weights had gone no where. He looked over at the stack and bent down to the bottom of the stack where the pin was. He picked up the pin from the bottom of the stack and replaced it somewhere in the middle. Then he did one set before standing up and looking at himself in the mirror again.

It was all I could do not to giggle out loud.

Commodore 64

I would hate to find out how much time I waste working on the computer from 1924 in my office on campus just waiting for files to load or for pages to open.

Stop, Drop & Roll

Have you ever noticed the number of insanely happy characters demonstrating the "Stop, Drop & Roll" situation for children? I suppose if you ate cookies all day you'd be fat and happy too. And I doubt you would be stressing out too much if you were wearing a fireman's coat and hat, which, I do believe, are on some level fireproof. What I want to see are more terrified children. That's the only way to make real children think that being on fire isn't all fun and games, but that it's an actual danger to your health. I say, bring on the reality.

My Boys

Here's a shot of the boys in my life. They forgive me when I'm insane and help me when I'm in need. They make me laugh sometimes and cry other times, but either way it's always good. They remind me, each in their own way, why I want something just a little better and therefore why I currently dedicate so much of myself to this thing called school.

One down, one to go

Well, technically there's two to go.

One week of classes is over and there's only one week of classes left. Then I have to meet for two finals (but I won't be actually taking any finals) and then I'm really, really done. That's 12 days now. Geez, it seems like forever.

Also fitting with the theme of today's post...I have to get working on a newspaper article for my freelance job. They're being difficult, however, and I only have until Monday. Crap, crap, crap.