Thursday, April 12, 2007

Down, down, baby, down by the roller coaster.

I think that friendships were easier once upon a time, back when we jumped rope and judged people on their ability to keep up in hand-slap games. I think it was better and more clear cut then, too.

I have one friend now who I don't really want to be friends with any more because she brings me down and it seems to me that she doesn't want to be my friend any more because I bore her, but we continue talking to each other. I have a friend I want to see more because she's true and fun and helps me remember to let go, but she has a baby and a boyfriend who, rightfully so, take precedence in her life. I have a friend who I thought was a good friend for a long time, but now I'm not so sure because either her definition of how you treat a friend has changed or her feelings about our friendship have. I have a friend who is on such a different path than I am with her life, her education, and her choices in general that we have nothing to talk about when we're together that obligatory once in a while except the old times - and I think we're lucky enough to have enough old times to fall back on. I have a friend who I would love to see more because we have a lot in common and never run short of things to say to one another, but between our two busy schedules I'm fortunate if I can see her once a month.

So it would be easier - much easier - if they all lived in my apartment complex again and we could visit each other every day after school and we could race around the sidewalk taking turns pulling each other in our red wagons and we could turn up the radio and dance and spin circles in the grass and we could know each other's parents as only "mom" and "dad" and they would love us all the same. And we could play again without worrying about making supper or getting up early in the morning or staining our clothes because jacks and hopscotch would be the only things on our minds.

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I'm realizing more and more that actual age is relative.