I Never Thought

Kelly and I had planned on the fact that being separated would be difficult, but I honestly never thought it would be this difficult.

Really, though, I should have known better.

A few weeks after we started dating, we each took a weekend trip and were separated for an absurd amount of time. Like a day and a half. Waiting for him at the airport was the longest 20 minutes of my life, especially since his plane was late. I was so scared of so many things...Would he be excited to see me? Did he miss me too? Would I recognize him? (It sounds silly, but most fears usually are.) Would he EVER get off the airplane? When we saw each other there was a burst of joy within me. We connected, he dropped his suitcase to hold me instead and we kissed and kissed as though to make up for the previous two days right at that moment. At that moment I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be away from him for any longer.

But I have been. I've been away from him for much longer. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Now I count the days until my next burst of joy. Now I'm scared of other things. This needs to end. For my sanity, this needs to end.