Since That Moment

Sometimes things happen and you come away with a new perspective. Sometimes the new perspective is of yourself.

Sometimes one moment can change who you are.

I've been thinking a lot lately about a specific moment in group therapy last semester. I told everyone I was thinking about coming back to Boise. People were shocked. Some were adamantly against it. Some told me to do what I wanted to do. Only one - one woman fiercely into her schoolwork and 100% serious about a career and independent like no other - told me to do it. Do it, she said. William & Mary has been here for 400 years and will be here for 400 more, but he won't be, she said. If you love him, you need to be with him, she said. And then we were both crying.

Since that moment I'v been defining my role as a person in love with a man. I've had to figure out what that means to me and how I will represent that to people around me. For a long time, I was told that I don't need this and maybe even that I shouldn't want this - this life in a house with a dog and a fence and a car where we look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day and pay bills from a joint checking account.

But that was someone else's reality. I just convinced myself it was truth of sorts and that it applied to me too.

Whether I've merely been conditioned by society to believe that I need the heterosexual partner with 2.3 kids and comfy jobs or whether that's strictly outlined as my fate in my complicated little DNA codons I don't care. This is what I have because this is what I want. This time I'm not fooling myself into something because it's what is all around me or because it's according to someone else's beliefs. This is all me. I just had to wake up.

So thank you, Anne, for turning on the light. You helped me see that my life truly is my own and what I wanted to do about that. You showed me that it's my choice to share that life and that doing so can be good - it doesn't have to be what I've seen it be. You woke a part of me that was afraid and unsure but is now thriving and happy.

Sometimes things happen and you come away with a new perspective. Sometimes the new perspective is of yourself.

Sometimes one moment can change who you are.

We Finally Have A Slogan

Kelly and I finally have a slogan prompting us to be healthy people, eat well and exercise. Here it is...We're going to go from Big Fat LOSERS to Big FAT Losers. I can see the bood headlines now. Ahhh...

See, it all started when I was laying out in the yard one sunny day. I thought to myself, "If I can lay here for an hour tanning - doing something that may eventually lead me to some random skin cancer - in an effort to do something vain for my body that I deem good, why can't I also work out for an hour? Why can't I go running later? How can I convince myself that I'm too tired to actually make myself healthy but I can easily lounge around topless in the backyard making myself appear healthy according to societal dictates of the upper-"commonly non-working"-class?" Well that prompted me to email my thoughts to Kelly in - I'm sure - what was a fairly rambling, perhaps slightly caustic manner as I called us both out on ways we could do more, just don't. In said email I labeled us "big, fat losers" because it has been a while since we've worked out and we both always say "tomorrow we're going to start working out again" but somehow, tomorrow always had another excuse.

Finally, tomorrow had come. It was only a matter of a couple days and once it came I meant serious business. There were no more excuses and there were no more tomorrows. We have become Big Fat LOSERS but shall be no more! I have a dream that one day we shall see ourselves in the mirror as fine examples of healthy people! I have a dream that we shall walk tall in the shadow of the valley of death for we know that we take care of ourselves and treat our bodies like the only bodies we'll ever have! Because they are! I have a dream! I have a dream that one day our children will play soccer with other children and they will score many points because their parents were able to keep up during family-fun practices at Ann Morrison Park! I have a dream! I have a dream that the changes we make today will take us from being Big Fat LOSERS to being Big FAT Losers! I have a dream!

Well so far the plan has worked. We're going on 10 solid days now. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but Rome wasn't built in a day either. And the slogan really is stellar motivation for us. Well, at least it gives me something to hold on to. Sometimes I suspect Kelly is just along for the ride because he's so good at humoring me. But that's all right...It's good for him.

Guess Who?

One of us - either Kelly or myself - went to the hospital today to check something out. The doctor deemed it necessary for the involved party to have an ultra-sound done. So now we're going to play a rousing edition of Guess Who? where I provide clues and you make a decision as to who needed the ultra-sound.

* The ultra-sound was performed on the patient's abdomen.

* It was the patient's first ultra-sound.

* The doctor visit and ultra-sound took a combined three hours.

* The ultra-sound was performed in conjunction with a blood-letting. Well, they drew blood to do some blood tests.

That's enough info for now. Feel free to ask questions for clarification on some points prior to making your educated guess.

Kelly's A Jerk

Here are some interesting statistics:

* The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates 35 to 50 million Americans come down with the flu each flu season, which typically lasts from November to March. More than 100,000 people are hospitalized and 20,000 people die from the flu and its complications every year.

* The SDA estimates that 76 million Americans get sick, more than 300,000 are hospitalized, and 5,000 die each year from foodborne illness.

* One in 10 hospitalized patients, or about 2 million people a year, will acquire an infection after admission. These infections contribute to the death of nearly 90,000 hospital patients per year, according to the CDC.

* Americans spend about $5 billion each year on colds - about $3 billion on doctors' visits and $2 billion on treatments.

I'm not saying that a little dirt will kill you. I'm saying that diseases and germs are easily spread. I'm saying that we can all do our part to slow that. I'm saying that things like West Nile and Salmonella do exist and that we shouldn't scoff at the mere possibility of becoming infected with such an illness. Yes, I'm aware that viruses change over time and that they are able to mutate themselves in a fashion that prevents them from being affected, much less killed, by antibiotics but does that mean that we should also stop testing for a cure for AIDS? I have a brilliant idea, Kelly, why don't we all go out and have random, unprotected sex with as many people as possible and then compare numbers of infectious diseases at the end of the month. It can be a fabulous contest to see who contracts AIDS first. Abstinence on any count is stupid, but so is reckless abandon. Why do something stupid when we can simply be proactive about it?

Whatever. I'm going to bed. You should take care of your dog.

Donate To Mandy

My good friend Mandy who lives near Denver, Colorado, is in the process of training for a marathon. She is also in the process of fundraising. How are these two related, you ask. Well, the money she raises will go to helping treat a 3-year-old girl with leukemia who also lives in the Denver area.

Mandy is raising money through Team in Training, a group funded by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, and plans to run the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on October 23, 2005. Mandy's goal is to raise $3,700 by that time, but she has currently only raised about $400 between working in a pharmacy, attending a pharmacology master's program and training for the marathon.

So I'm giving a little shout-out for Mandy, asking all my friends and family and in general just people who give a damn to check out her training blog (that I've linked to many times here as well as posted a link on my side bar) and give a little donation. She has information on her blog on how to donate online and where to check out Team in Training. Not only will your donation go to helping fund a little girl's treatment, but it will encourage Mandy to train harder and better for her 26-mile journey in October.

Extracurricular Activities

I think its about time for Kelly and I to invest in some sort of instructional lessons for our dog. Something to occupy his hands, preferably, like yoga, ASL, car mechanics or pottery - just to name a few ideas I've had lately. Whatever will keep his interest, really. I've even thought about the benefits that would come from putting him on some sort of sports team where he can get some social interaction at the same time that he's getting a lot of good exercise. Maybe soccer would be his cup of tea. He's just been so antsy lately and has found interest in chewing random things outside. For instance, last night he jumped up on the pool table and started chewing out the lining from one of the corner pockets. We are unimpressed.

Hays Marathon

Last night started my marathon at Hays. Here's my schedule to give you a taste:

Thursday 8-11 a.m. (that's yesterday's staff meeting)
Thursday 10:30 p.m.-7:30 a.m. (that's actually what I worked last night)
Friday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Saturday 2:30-11:30 p.m.
Sunday 7 a.m.-4 p.m.
Sunday 10:30-7:30 a.m.
Monday 10:30-7:30 a.m.

Some of those shifts I'll actually get off a little early, but they all have the potential for me to stay much later. One Saturday night one of our girls got super sick and I had to take her to the hospital. I ended up staying on the clock until 2 a.m., only to return to work Sunday at 7 a.m. So, the potential is there on a few shifts for me to feel completely absent from home, especially since between a couple shifts I only have a couple hours anyway. Oh well. I volunteered for the last two shifts anyway since I'm going to Vegas next week. On a typical weekend, I do my 40 hours in a three-day period. Or at least most of my 40 hours. I say it's a good thing I enjoy my job because otherwise I would be one cranky individual.

London Terrorism

Here are some things that are bugging me about this London terrorism thing (in no particular order). Don't get me wrong...I think the whole ordeal is no good. I love Brits as much as the next person and wish no ill-timed, gruesome deaths upon any of them. There's just some stuff that has gotten me thinking.

* I heard a BBC reporter on the radio about 20 minutes ago talking about the scores of dead people turning up from the incident. The news on the radio had just confirmed 33 dead and a news report I just read on line confirmed 37 dead. That is not "scores." Why make it sound worse than it really is?

* I heard Tony Blair blaming middle eastern terrorist organizations in a public speech on the radio before the responsible party was confirmed.

* Tony Blair blamed middle eastern terrorist organizations for the attacks before ruling out the fact that some randomly bored high school students decided to pull a prank on the world. Because to make everyone think that you were a terrorist when you're nothing more than a spoiled, private school kid and have the prime minister of your country denounce to the world specific terrorist groups before he has a clue as to what he was talking about so he looks dumb to everyone later is kind of a good joke. It's definitely one I find amusing. I just think people like to yell "terrorist." Kind of like the boy who cried "wolf."

* Everyone thinks that these attacks have something to do with the Group Eight summit in Scotland. Just in case it has been a while since you've surveyed a map, London is not in Scotland. London isn't even all that close to Scotland.

* George Bush went on the record (as I heard him on NPR and found in this article) saying that this terrorist attack is a horrible thing. He said that it couldn't have come at a worse time. He said that it's awful that while leaders of different nations have joined together in Scotland for this peaceful summit, killers have taken innocent, civilian lives. Hmmm...Does he honestly think that? What about all the innocent, civilian lives lost - no, stolen - so far in Iraq? Doesn't he realize that what he accomplishes there daily through the American government and the American military is by definition terrorist activity?!? Or do they not count because they're brown? Or are the English lives worth more because he's buds with old Tony? Or is he only worried because he was in a neighboring country? My money's on brown.

* America - because we're constantly thinking ourselves the worldwide victim and because we have to be right in the middle of everything - is now at "orange alert." They raised the terror alert from yellow to orange today, but that only applies to mass transit systems. I can't wait to see how the bomb-sniffing dogs hold up the BUS. Maybe the powers-that-be are unaware that there's an entire ocean between us and London. And besides, if you keep an entire nation at heightened alert forever, doesn't that heightened alert become the norm? They will get so used to watching out for everything and seeing almost nothing that something little (that turns big) may slip right by them. (That's my budding philosophy.)

The System

This weekend, a girl from the shelter was placed with a new foster family. She has been at our shelter for about three weeks. Hays was meant for kids like her. She came in through the Department of Health and Welfare and spent three weeks with us while her case worker searched for a new home for her. Three weeks. We have a girl in there right now who has been there for around 220 days - more than seven months. Our program was not meant for that. We have another girl who has been with us for about 180 days - six months. Our program was not meant for that. Rather than being the safe, temporary holding spot we are meant to be, we have become an actual placement for these two girls. They have seen half the staff members turn over, have helped train every member of the new staff, and have been through numerous rotations of other residents. Everyone knows what it feels like to be on the playground waiting to be chosen for a team to play dodgeball or kickball, fearing you may just be the last one standing. Imagine the fear of being the last one standing when everyone is picking their families...and you just never get picked. Ever. These girls are now exhibiting extreme stress responses. They don't eat and when they do, they throw up. They're losing weight, hair, sanity. They give biting remarks to everyone. They're developing ulcers. Their posture worsens, they sleep during the day because at night they keep themselves awake crying. What's wrong with these girls? Nothing. They're just 16. Who wants a used kid?

This girl who was placed this weekend is also 16. She, however, has cognitive disorders that makes her act far younger. She is needy for attention (as many of these kids are), doesn't process well, wants nothing more than to make people happy (even if that means doing bad things to herself or to other people), and has poor hand-eye coordination and motor skills. One of the girls who has been at the shelter far too long is good in school, wants more than anything to graduate high school, loves children and animals and would like to work with them at some point, helps around the house with cooking and doing chores, carries great conversation, stands up for what she believes in, and wants a family more fiercely than any kid I've ever met. However, she also has a small record which includes assault. So on paper, she's a much less desireable addition to a family because that record is all they see - they never get a chance to see what she wants or needs or what she's interested in or how helpful she is.

They say "The System" is overworked. They say that all the case workers have huge case loads. They say that there's a lot of paperwork. You know what I say? Make it that difficult for people to have babies in the first place and you won't have this problem. Hold adults accountable for their actions, promote things like birth control - in all forms - and send everyone to parenting classes. Reduce severely the number of kids you place into "The System." So many of these kids were just born into bad situations. Mothers high on crack, cocaine, meth, pot, alcohol. Fathers high too. Or absent fathers. Mothers who started selling their 11-year-old girl's body for sex so that the mother may purchase drugs. Fathers who beat their son because he is gay. Fathers who beat their son because he brought home a C in school. Fathers who beat their son because the mother didn't come home one night. Mothers who tell their daughters "I don't want you." Fathers who tell their daughters "I can buy you any drug you want if you want to come live with me." These are people who should not have children. These are people who are not mature or responsible enough on their own to handle or care for another life. These are people ruining the lives of their children and the people around them (not to mention their own lives).

And so, since "The System" is overworked, we discover alternative methods of "helping" kids. We put teens in detention for smoking. We put them in detention for running away. If a child runs away from home, there is a problem that needs to be addressed that will not be addressed in detention. Either something is wrong at home or the kid is involved in something bad - most likely drugs, alcohol or some other illegal activity (gangs too). Why not investigate that? Why not help that kid? Why stick that kid in jail, priming them at a young age to know that jail is an alternative to life? Why not teach them to work through things? To see that life doesn't have to be all black and white choices, that there's more to good and evil than being angelic or being in prison? Why not help them through recovery, through high school, through counseling?

The current system doesn't do any of that. The current system gives them a shelter until someone speaks for them. The current system gives them just enough so they don't feel completely and utterly forgotten by the world. Because at least at a place like where I work we know their names and hold them accountable for coming back in the evenings sober and unarmed. I would like to say that the case workers help out with that, but sometimes that isn't even true.

Flips

Thursday mornings are our standard staff meeting days at Hays. At our meeting this morning, our program director spoke about staff dress code.

OK, first of all, let me describe what we do with the kids. We sit around the house talking with them, playing games and watching movies. We help them around the house with meal prep, cleaning up, doing laundry and completing other random household-type things. We take them on walks, to the movies, to walk around the mall, to play frisbee in the park, to museums and other various activities around town. We drive them to appointments and the like. We make sure they go to bed on time, get up on time, don't eat too much sugar, make sure they eat veggies and administer medications. This is my job. Sounds a lot like running a normal house full of seven teens, right? Well yea, because that's what I do.

So Pam has created a dress code. I have no problem with this. We can't wear see-through clothing. We can't wear tank tops thinner than two finger widths. We can't wear belly shirts. We can't wear clothing with inappropriate slogans (ie. slogans promoting drugs or alcohol). I have no problem with any of this. This is standard for any job or even school. This is what we hold the kids accountable to as well.

But then comes the clincher. We are unallowed to wear flips.

I don't understand.

She says it's a safety concern. However, we're not allowed to chase kids or put them in restraints.

She says we need to wear appropriate footwear for the activities we do with the kids. Well, when I go to the movies when I'm not at work, I usually wear flips. I don't have a specific pair of shoes for mall walking. And if we do any sort of hiking activity with the kids that I couldn't do in my flips, it's never a spur of the moment activity - it's always planned in advance.

She says it looks unprofessional. This is the one point I can almost agree with. However, when it is all right for my co-workers to wear sandals that attach to their feet - which is the Hays requirement of open-toed shoes - that look like they're eight years old, have been drug through the mud and run over by all eighteen wheels of a semi is when I stop. I think my new flips look nicer and more professional than some ratty old Birkenstocks. Or those river wading shoes that are all the rage now - humongous, rubber shoes?! One woman wears duck-hunting orange river waders to work. And those are more professional than my flips???

I brought up my points today at the staff meeting. Pam stuck to her guns, so I've got to give her that. Other staff say it's just because she doesn't like flips. Whatever. I don't like a lot of things that go on at the shelter but they seem to work out just fine. She told us that we just need to make good decisions about what we're wearing as professionals (in such the professional environment!) and not make her have to be the "bad guy."

I think it's all just lame.

Hurricane Lucille

She came on suddenly, like a bad blind date. She was about as real as a blind date as well; not really a hurricane, considering the locale and all.

There I sat in the Red Cross feeling dejected and disappointed that they didn't want me, couldn't use me, due to my unpredictable iron count. There she loomed on the horizon created by the neighborhood trees and next-door buildings clashing with the tumultuous sky. Her busty cloud formations overtook the space above while her loud voice boomed intermittently around us, threatening.

Without hesitation she came forth upon the earth in the form of millions of suicidal water droplets pounding to the pavement in sheets. Wind interceded with his mighty gust, waltzing through the parking lot outside the Red Cross window with the pieces of Lucille. The lights inside flickered only once, but it was enough to draw attention to the rendez-vous beyond the confines of our protective establishment.

Wind died down and left Lucille to her peace, to continue what she had started. Either that or she drove him away.

When she finished she left her reflection in the once-stormy sky, her mark of beauty over the damp and shaken land.

Could a blind date ever turn out better?

I'm Turning Japanese

Ha! I have that song in my head that goes "I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so."

It's funny to me because I think I really am turning Japanese, like the title of this post suggests.

Well, maybe not Japanese per se, but at least Cuban or Samoan or something like that. Everyone thinks I already am ethnic, so I may as well be. Right?

Complaints

Generally when I read other blogs, the ones I notice that have a lot of comments on them are ones dedicated primarily to complaining about something. Take, for example, this blog written by a man who refers to himself as the Humanity Critic. Tremendous blog, written mostly in the direction of a black man's concerns about the current state of hip hop, but also contains some posts about politics and dating. He's funny with a wild imagination and a clear writing voice, all coming together to create something well worth reading. However, he's a complainer. He doesn't write about things like trips to Belize or his bored dog like yours truly. But ah, his reader base is huge, as they fill his comment box with sometimes more than 40 comments. His comments section is like a chatroom within a blog. I've stumbled upon knitting blogs where knitters do nothing but complain about their current projects. Blogs where people complain about dating. About not dating. Blogs about a bad sex life - seriously, solely dedicated to a bad sex life. What do these blogs have in common? People who like to give their two cents. People providing advice, encouragement, or people just jeering on the pissed off. If I were to complain about something here in my self-created little forum I would go the more social route. Not that I never do complain - because really, who doesn't from time to time? - just that I don't make it a regular habit. I realize there's much to complain about - from fighting in the Sudan to local injustices aimed at minority groups to large corporations exploiting slave labor overseas to the traffic department installing new stop signs in my neighborhood overnight - but I just tend to write more on bland topics like my bored dog. Maybe soon I'll become politically and socially motivated like I used to be not too long ago, once again feel connected to a greater power beyond my control but completely enraptured in its presence, and spew about it here. Until then, here's a wedding picture as a teaser for a kinder, gentler blog post yet to come...

E101 And My Dog

Since I'll be teaching ENGL101 this fall semester, I thought it a good idea to start reading about what I'll be doing to begin preparing for the task. All I have to say is how much I'm looking forward to it. I think that what I'm most looking forward to is how enriching of an experience this will be for me. Silly, maybe. Selfish, sure. Do I care on either account? Not really.

On to a completely unrelated topic...Can dogs be bored? I think Radley is bored. He's sitting in front of me, looking at me, trying not to fall asleep. Periodically he'll get up and walk around the house, stopping for a moment at the front door and then returning to my feet with his eyes half closed. He's not really interested in going outside or eating or napping. He hasn't touched any of his indoor toys. I think he's just bored. I'm going to take him for a jog. I think the exercise will be good for both of us.

Married Life

At some point I plan on posting some wedding photos on here as well. I guess I was just more excited about sharing the Belize pics. The wedding shots turned out great and all, but I am still just dragging my feet about it.

I think this post-wedding period is bigger for other people than for myself. Everyone keeps asking me what it's like to be married when the truth is that we've been living together now for six months so being married doesn't feel any different than life in general has for six months. Besides, the wedding was two weeks ago. Nothing about "married life" is going to be different within that time frame, especially when half of that time we were in Belize.

Also, people are making a huge deal out of the whole name-change-deal. The first thing that pisses me off is that people assume automatically that I'm changing my name. We received checks in the mail prior to the wedding addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. H." What a crazy complication that could have been! But it's an OK presumption with an appropriate title assigned to it. What sends me into fits are the items addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. K H." I have ceased to be recognizeable as a person. I am now solely "Mrs." I am no longer myself, I am now K's Wife. In getting married I did not disappear. I did not become someone else's second thought. In fact, I did decide to accept K's last name in the marriage process, but it was not an easy battle. And I do mean battle. I wasn't sure about the name deal because I had created myself under my maiden name and given to that name numerous degrees, recognitions and publications. I didn't (and still don't) think it fair that I should be expected to wrecklessly abandon all that just to wait in line at the social security office for an hour, leaving with a new alias. I don't think K had ever really thought about it before - about what all it entails to alter the one thing that has most defined you your entire life. At first he wanted to be able to pass on his family name and was very concerned about spreading that legacy, but later came to want something I view as more realistic - one family sharing a common name. He knew I held reservations about changing my name so he said he would just change his and become a "J." I let that be the case for a while before I told him that what I really wanted was to accept his name, that in making that choice I could find more to identify with than in my own last name. "J" always represented to me anonymity and in fact I actually had people ask me on more than one occasion if I was serious that that was my name. Sometimes I had to show them my ID before they would believe me. Maybe part of what makes "J" so anonymous is that I don't know anything about that side of my family. I've never seen pictures, I don't know their medical history and I've never been to their family functions. They are a nameless, faceless bunch to me. But with the "H" side of my family I know a good deal of that information. They also know me and welcome me - in a way no one from the "J" side of my family ever has.

Arg. I don't know really where this post began or where I expected it to wind up, but here we are. Basically, yea, married life is great. No, the romance isn't dead yet. No, we aren't having kids soon (sorry Liz). To answer another question asked recently - no, I don't regret it. Who would ask that - I know - awful question, but one I answered. In fact, my decision to be with K is one of the best decisions I've ever made and is probably the decision that has left me feeling most at peace with myself and the world.

Great Lakes, Illinois

My brother left a few days ago for basic training for the Navy. He's currently in Great Lakes, Illinois. I have to admit, I'm a little worried about him. But alas, it is too late to convince him of any other life plan. This is what he's been wanting for the last 13 years. And so, he's currently in the middle of being torn down by promoters of the current militant position who think that individuality is the key to world destruction. He's being forced to faithfully respect people he doesn't know and accept rules thrown at him arbitrarily. By the time this process is over he will think like them, speak like them, walk like them and cease to think on his own like them. I'm going to miss him...

Honeymoon 2005

Here's the view we had from our balcony at the resort. I think this was our first full day in Belize. From here you can see a white line along the horizon. Those are waves breaking on the reef, which is the second longest reef in the world and the first longest living. The reef breaks the waves so that by the time they reach the shore they just float in, rather than crash against the sand. Between the end of the dock and the reef is a highway for speedboats, which was our primary source of transportation for the week. Also here you can see a bunch of palms. It takes about 20 years for the trees to reach this height.



There were little lizards like this one all over the place...at the resort...at restaurants...in town...in the jungle. You name it.



This is us on the beach on a slightly rainy (but beautiful) day.



Sunrise in Belize, 5 a.m. precisely.



During sunrise a bunch of little fish were swimming near the dock so Kelly snapped some pictures of them. This is not with an underwater camera (those pictures will be developed later); the water was always this clear.



Us on a boat. Notice my hair flying about? Since we travelled usually by speedboat my hair was always pulled back and what could escape was always tangled and fuzzy.



On one of our speedboat excursions to get to a tour of the Belize mainland our boat had to pass through here. On either side are Mangrove trees that come up above forming a canopy.



Here's a better shot of the Mangrove trees. The roots are primarily exposed because they sit slightly above water. The limbs then grow roots that grow straight down toward the water from the limb. During the rainy season the water level raises about five feet, completely covering the roots.



This is the eastern freize of a Mayan ruin at Xunantunich (shoe-non-too-neech). We climbed this temple that was originally built only for royalty and priests.



Super cool pic of the two of us atop the temple at Xunantunich. This is 135 feet above plaza level. If you look over to the left you can see a road that (through the optical illusion of photography) runs right into my left side. This road creates the border between Belize and Guatemala. So there's actually two contries shown in this photograph!



This is a typical street in San Pedro, the town on Amergris Caye (the island our resort was on). You may notice the bright colors of the buildings - this was common for all buildings as well as homes there. Also, dirt roads...their paving system isn't what you would call "good." Their main mode of transportation in the town (as opposed to between towns or resorts, which is by speedboat) is by bicycle or golf cart, both of which you can see here.



Here's one of the schools in San Pedro, called San Pedro Roman Catholic Primary School. Surprisingly, we saw a lot of schools - more than we had anticipated seeing. Even in some very small communities, we saw two or three schools. Children in all schools no matter the size of the community are taught both English and Spanish because those are the two national languages. Most of their schools are RC because that's the primary religion of the region. Their school operates on roughly the same calendar as here in America.



These are some school-aged girls in their school uniforms. All the schools in Belize require uniforms regardless of its status as either public or private. If your parents cannot afford to buy you a proper uniform, you cannot attend school.



More Mayan ruins...This is the Mask Temple at Lamanai. The guide said that whenever you see advertisements for Belize or Mayan ruins and there's a picture of a large face, you're looking at this ruin because this is the largest mask (on the right side) they have ever discovered. This mask is over five feet tall.



And because my blog is never complete without a picture of me and Kelly being cozy...

You Better Belize It

Well we're home. No time to catch up on everything now, so here's a quick recap. Everything was beautiful. We swam with sharks and rays, snorkeled, went tubing on an underground river, saw Mayan ruins, ate a lot of sea food, became friends with some locals and learned a lot about the country. Electricity was non-existent for part of the time we were there and satellite was almost never up, the water tasted salty and smelled like perm solution (so we drank bottled all week), we sweat a lot and paid tourist prices for everything. It was one of the best vacations I've ever been on! Will share pictures in due time...

Belize, Here We Come

At this time tomorrow I will most likely be on an airplane. Kelly and I leave first thing in the morning for Belize. My brother is taking us to the airport at around 6:30 and then we're off for the tropics. The resort we're staying at is the Costa Maya Reef Resort. I doubt that we'll have much computer access over the next week, so the next time I'm able to type anything here may not be until next week when I am fully tanned and relaxed!

P.S. There's three links in there, all to different places. If you want to see a little about where we're going, check them all out!

Mess

Today sparks the event of cleaning the post-wedding collection of stuff. Our house is a little destroyed with presents, packaging, empty bottles, dirty laundry...you name it. Thankfully I get to clean my own mess today rather than be at the shelter inevitably cleaning up after the random teens living there. This mess is more fun besides, because it's all our new presents for our house. I just wish the washer and dishwasher worked faster.

May 29, 2005

I won't remember what color the chairs were. I won't remember what anyone else wore, the way the napkins were folded or exactly how things were arranged in the room.

What I will remember is the way it felt to dance with Kelly at the end of the night surrounded by a circle of our friends and family swaying with us to the music. I will remember the sea of faces that met me the first time we walked into the room. I will remember the compliments on the dress, the ceremony, the vows, the party and on Kelly and I together. I will remember the hugs. I will remember crying while reciting the vows I worked so hard on so that I could convey just the right message to Kelly in front of everyone we know. I will remember being awe-stricken with our friends who helped in ways we will probably never know.

I will remember noticing the important things of the day and being glad that I didn't get stuck in the planning process worrying over things like what color the tablecloths would be. I trusted those decisions to our friends and family and the people we were paying and they did a great job.

It was magical and completely perfect.

The Pit Of Eternal Stench

Today was my last day at the shelter for about two weeks. There's about 4 residents (of 9) that I would like to see GONE by the time I return. Realistically, probably 4-5 residents will be discharged in the next two weeks, most of them the ones I really want to be gone. I don't think I'm a bad person for not wanting those stinky, rotten children to be littering my otherwise good work atmosphere. I mean, I know we'll just get other rotten and smelly children in their place most likely, but there is also the chance that we could get a good kid who showers regularly (we have gotten a few of those lately). I'm willing to take that gamble.

Weird Science

I am pretty sure my computer has a mind of its own entirely. Everything will be fine and normal with it and then I will leave it for a matter of hours. When I return, something will be changed. For instance, lately the size of fonts on the screen have been altering themselves. Not just the fonts, but everything. Including the size of the icons and such. I know that has a name and a way to change it, but I don't remember the name now and I don't know how to fix it without searching for a while. Kelly said he doesn't know how to switch it at all, so I know it isn't him. Also, sometimes I'll leave windows open at the bottom of the screen but when I come back they're closed. Sometimes my wallpaper will be gone and I'm left with a blank dark green screen. I also know it isn't Kelly because whenever he uses the computer, he turns the volume up as high as it goes. That hasn't happened for some time. Basically I have no explanation for the behaviors my computer exhibits.

The Race Is On

Matt, the best man for our wedding, came into town last night. About five minutes ago I sent him and Kelly on their way for the bachelor party Matt has planned. I think I've looked upon Matt's arrival as the even that would set off all the other events - that which would make the wedding's impending arrival that much more real to me. Well he's here and so is (almost) the wedding. We're in the single digits now. Eight. Eight days. A week from tomorrow. One single week. No, I'm not nervous or worried or having second thoughts (I think it's a little too late for that at this point) or getting stressed out. It's just this big thing that we've been waiting for and planning for for so long and it is finally almost here. All the anticipation is turning to excitement and immediate expectation.

And then it will all be over. Blissfully over. *sigh* That's what I'm really looking forward to...

Eating Habits

Sometimes Kelly disagrees with my eating habits. For instance, I ate a banana and drank skim milk for breakfast. When he came home for lunch I told him I didn't feel like eating. It was true, but he frowned at me. This afternoon I went to the grocery store to purchase something to eat. I didn't really know what I wanted when I went in, but by the time I came out I possessed that which I knew would fulfill me. I came straight home and opened that can of roast beef hash, fried it up and ate nearly the entire thing. I anticipate another frown, if not a look of disgust. Usually I eat balanced meals with fresh veggies and lean cuts of meat. I love soy milk and tofu. I don't regularly eat sugary treats or drink alcohol. Just every once in a while I like a can of meat, like we used to eat all the time when I was a kid. It is disgusting, I know, and I will be the first to admit it. But sometimes I can't deny that that's what I need to fill the unknown craving within. Who else do you know would be just as happy with a can of vienna sausages and some $2 gas station wine as a plate of Alaskan king crab, tall glass of mountain fresh water and creme brulee for dessert?

Funeral Giggles

I attended a funeral today at the same place I attended a funeral almost exactly three years ago. Three years ago I was keenly aware of flirting directed my way from one of the gentlemen orchestrating the event. In fact, he was one of the men who came and removed the dead body the week prior and the flirting started then. Well, he's still there and apparently he remembered me. He let me know it was good to see me again and smiled like a shy schoolboy at me whenever I was in his line of sight. Rather than find this behavior reprehensible or inappropriate, I find it amusing. I told Kelly that if anything should happen to him I could have his funeral at that place so then I could leave afterwards with a date. He didn't find it nearly as giggle-worthy as I did.

Day Of Note

Today I accomplished the following things, all of them off my TO DO list for the day:

* Called the DJ. She's nice and promised she won't yell at me or kick me out of her house. She told me not to worry any more about the wedding. I've decided she's not a moron.

* Emailed Dad about the furniture. He has some antique furniture that at one time belonged to my grandmother, but now belongs to Kelly and me. Kelly really wants it before people come for the wedding so our home will look a little more complete. When we arranged it last time, we purposely left room for it. Currently there are just empty spots where it will soon go. My dad will be here in the morning to deliver it.

* Wrote directions from 8th Street to our home. The night before the wedding we're having a dinner for our out-of-town guests, immediate family and bridal party in the 8th Street Marketplace. People will need directions to our house afterward as we're hosting drinks and dessert. So many people in Kelly's family have never been to Boise, let alone see where he lives, and there are people in my own family who have never been to my house either. Sad, but true. This gives us the chance to show it off to everyone at once!

* Made reservations for the train/river trip. The day before the wedding we're going on a tour of Boise by train, immediately followed by a raft trip down the Boise River. I had to let the company leading the shindig know to expect 35 of us.

* Call Jeni. I'm ripping off her way of setting up a photo thing at the wedding. To know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to come. Or click on the "comment" button below and demand an explanation.

* Work on the program. For the wedding. The majority of that will have to wait for tomorrow.

* Made five pies. Three cherry and two peach. No promises on how well the peach will turn out. I tried a new recipie that looks sketchy. They're for dessert the night before the wedding.

Shelter Life

I spent over 40 hours in less than four days at the shelter. I just returned home from my last shift there for the next three days. Today was easy, but yesterday was insane. Hospital visit, inappropriate physical contact, two kids almost killed each other and drugs. I was working with someone from another shelter who had never worked at Hays before, so it was like I was there myself. I need a vacation. I think I'll go to Belize in three weeks...

Fantasia Sucks

In January, Kelly, my mom and I attended a wedding show where we gathered information on myriad companies who supply wedding help and entertainment. One such cluster of companies was the DJs. One of those companies, Fantasia Sight & Sound, coordinated the mic system and music for the wedding show itself. We heard this was a reputable company and decided that their DJs seemed to do a good job with the wedding show, so we decided this was the company to hire for our wedding.

Kelly called the company and spoke with a man named Kurt. Kurt asked Kelly if he had filled out the yellow request form. Kelly explained to him that we didn't have any paperwork, that we were calling him basically on a referral from someone else. Kurt took our address and said he would get that in the mail because that was the first step in the DJ process.

A few weeks later, when we had not heard from Kurt nor had we received anything from him, Kelly called him back. He said he still had us penciled in for May 29 but that we needed to do the request form and other paperwork, since it was getting so close to the date of the event. Kelly told him we didn't have anything. Kurt told him not to worry about the yellow request form and that if we just sent him the $150 deposit he would in turn send us the contract and music planning guide needed for him to do our wedding. All we had to do was enclose a note with our $150 check reminding him that we needed the paperwork. I wrote the check that night and sent it out the following morning.

A week later we receive in the mail from Kurt (with our names spelled wrong on the envelope) a receipt for the $150 deposit and a hand-written note from him stating that he didn't have any paperwork started on us and that we needed to give him a call to set up a time to meet and get that taken care of. It is at this time that I assume we are dealing with a moron.

Kelly calls Kurt that afternoon to set up the meeting he requested. Kurt said that when we come to the meeting we need to bring the contract and music planning guide. Kelly explains to him that we do not have any of the paperwork. Kurt gets our address again in order to mail it to us.

The following week, we receive another mailing from Kurt (again, with our names spelled wrong). In this mailing is a letter addressed to Laura, dated September 13, 2004, with Kelly's name spelled incorrectly at the top above a partially filled-out address (as per standard business letter etiquette). Also in this letter was a contract and the alleged music planning guide. Kelly and I sat down the following night to go over the information. I noticed that not only was the letter addressed to someone named Laura wrong on name/address information, but that the entire letter was rife with grammatical and mechanical errors. I realize I wasn't reading his letter as an English teacher, but I was reading it as someone wanting to hire him - a supposed professional. Then we examined the music planning guide. It was so entirely confusing we could barely make sense of it. He had weird names for things, excluded half of what we were expecting, expected to do twice as much as we wanted, and asked if he would be receiving free food at the reception during one of his breaks. We filled it out the best we could and decided to leave the rest of it to fill out during our meeting with him.

I called Kurt the next afternoon to set up a meeting time with him. This was two days ago. He took on a bossy air and chastised me for not setting up a meeting sooner. Then told me he could meet me at 5 p.m. the next day. At this point, I am firmly established on the fact that he is a moron.

When I dressed myself on Wednesday I made sure to look good and wear clothes that made me feel powerful. I do not like complaining about people or telling them to their faces that I think they're a moron, which is what I planned to do at the meeting with Kurt (although nicely). I tend to back down on business affairs because I don't really like the business side of things. That's Kelly's job. But it was me going to this meeting alone and I wanted to be prepared to be strong but not bitchy.

I arrived at his house which doubled as his office at about 4:45. I wanted to make sure I was a little early because I wanted him to know I wasn't just a young thing without a clue and because I didn't know how long this would take and I had somewhere to be by 6:30. I walked up his steps and knocked on the door. He came to the entrance and spoke to me through the screen door.

"Hi, I'm here to meet with Kurt at 5. Is that you?" I asked.

"Uh, yea. Um, you're 15 minutes early," he said with slight exasperation while looking at his watch.

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, yea. I'm just finishing up with a meeting with someone else," he responded.

"Do you need me to come back later?" I'm astounded at this point.

"Actually, yea. Just give me five, maybe 10 more minutes." And then he turned around and walked away.

Not knowing quite what just happened, I turned back to the street and walked back to my car. I called Kelly at work to explain the exchange with him. At this point, he already knows I think Kurt is a moron, but encourages me to remain patient. I tell him I am but that I don't feel comfortable at all with this guy. I mean, wouldn't most business people invite the next client in and make them comfortable in another room until their meeting is over? After all, he's asking us to pay him $100 an hour. Wouldn't you, as a business owner, want me to think that paying you that much is worth it to me?

Just then the clients leave and he comes out to wave me in. I walk in and he introduces himself and shakes my hand and offers me a seat on the couch. Even though I had told him on the phone the day before that Kelly would be unable to attend this meeting, he was perplexed at the fact that my fiance was not there. He asked immediately for the signed contract and rest of our payment. I told him I hadn't signed the contract yet because I had questions. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

I asked him what the chances were of us getting our $150 back if we decided at this point to go with another option, perhaps another DJ or perhaps not one at all. Immediately, his tone turned bitter and biting as he explained to me his company's policy of the $150 guaranteeing the date and that he was doing Kelly a favor because he works for public television of holding the date without the yellow request form. I still don't know what Kelly's job has to do with it, but OK.

I was getting ready to tell him OK, I understand, and just sign the lousy contract and go with it. Kelly and I agreed that we'd rather have a temperamental, grammer-ignorant DJ than none at all and with less than three weeks left until the wedding, we didn't think we would be able to find anyone else.

Instead, Kurt asked why we would consider going with someone else in the first place. I told him that it was more of a question of his level of professionalism and the way we had been handled up to that point. I told him that correspondence with him had been difficult and that he hadn't even payed enough attention to us to get our names correct. I told him about the letter from last September addressed to Laura, which he promptly snatched out of my hands. He told me that that wasn't even his fault, that it was Kelly's fault for not turning in the yellow request form. He said that if he had received the correct paperwork in a timely fashion then that wouldn't have been a problem. I told him how Kelly had asked for the paperwork and never received it. I tried to explain to him that we would like to use him for our wedding and that was exactly why I was meeting with him - to get a feel for him and to give him a chance in person to clean the standard he set for himself through his correspondence so that we could be assured that he would handle our event with the care and professionalism that he advertised about.

I don't think he heard me, though, because at this point he was already very angry and yelling at me. He threw his hands up and yelled "Fine! If you want to go with someone else, that's your choice! I'll just give you your money back!" and got up and left the room. He returned with his ledger and wrote out a check for $150. He handed it to me and said "You may want to check with the Better Business Bureau to ask them about our good reputation with them. Good luck with your wedding."

I stepped out the door as he closed it sharply behind me. I stood there for a moment again, unsure of what had just happened.

A couple weeks ago I talked to my cousin who told me she has friends who own a DJ company in town. At the time I thought we had a secure, mentally stable DJ so I didn't think anything else about it. I called to talk to her last night and find out which company it was. I figured that maybe if I used my cousin's friend then they would be nice, not get angry and throw me out. I contacted them and they turned out to be available and since we have a friend in common they're going to work with us even though it's last minute and they already have an event that day. I actually talked to my cousin's husband because she wasn't home. He talked to the DJ friend and told them the story and assured them that I wasn't some crazed bridezilla who is classically pissy toward DJs.

That is super long so I hope you made it through. The point is, if you're in need of a DJ, don't call Fantasia. The gal from Sapphire, the company we're going through now, said that Kurt is a wedding prima donna and thinks he controls All on the wedding circuit. I think she's right.

Rain

It has been raining non-stop here for over a week now. This is very uncharacteristic weather for Boise at any time of the year, but especially during May when it is usually beautiful and sunny out. Kelly and I hope that the rain will go away within the next two weeks so that everything here is sunny and green (from all the rain) when our friends and family come for the wedding.

On a happy note, Kelly can't mow the lawn while it's so wet and rainy. It isn't so happy for him, because he actually wants to mow the lawn, or the lawn, which is swiftly turning into a mild jungle that will soon overtake our house, but I see humor in the situation. He's agitated at not being able to mow and that makes me giggle because I hate mowing. I did it once about three years ago and I never want to again. Kelly and I talked recently about what would change around the house if he weren't here (this is when we were thinking that there may be a possibility he would have to go to Iraq, Inc. again). I told him I would have to get my brother over here every week to mow the lawn. He said something to the effect that I could just do it myself. I laughed. See, mowing the lawn is a happy subject with lots of laughter in it for me.

Kelly And Me

Some people have asked for photos of the two of us, so here they are. We went to a couple parks last Saturday and took some pictures of the two of us - I pose for focus and lighting and Kelly sets the timer and runs.

Little Notes

We have such a friendly looking house that people just moving in across the street came over to use our phone.

Kelly just used the word "behemoth."

The Martha/Harry debacle has come to a close. Stewart admitted defeat and took down the backyard creation this afternoon.

Today is May 8. That makes 21 days to the wedding. That's the legal drinking age in America.

I'm getting a facial on Tuesday and I'm really looking forward to it.

Electricity Bill

If you live in Idaho, want to save $7 every month on your electricity bill (which is $84 each year), and want to run a more energy-efficient household which therefore helps the environment, check out the A/C Cool Credit For Your Home section of idahopower.com.

Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head

A couple days ago I was able to spend time with my friend Jeni. Jeni recently had a baby. Her name is Taylor and her birthday is April 7. She is an Aries. Personally, I hope none of my children are born under a fire sign (such is Aries) because Kelly and I are water and earth signs, respectively, which doesn't work well with fire signs. But Jeni's an Aquarius which is an air sign and works well with fire.

That's not the point. Jeni and I had lunch and then she and Taylor came over to the house with me. Jeni sat and visited for a few hours and let me hold Taylor for a while. And now the point: my dog was jealous. He did not like me holding that baby. He tried to crawl up on my lap to sniff her out and growled softly at her when she moved her little legs. He was very attentive to the fact that I was holding this small thing he'd never come in contact with before. When I handed Taylor back to her mother, Radley insisted that I pet him, as if to brush away his fear of being replaced.

I told him he didn't have to worry, that there wouldn't be a baby in this house permanently until he was an old man.

26 Cents

If I saved a penny for every day between now and the day of the wedding, I would be able to save 26 of them. With that amount of money I could buy a small pack of gum (the kind with five sticks) and pay the little bit of tax on top. It used to be over 100 days, which would have been enough money to buy a full pack of gum, but now all I get is five sticks.

Hundred

I have seen this on a couple different blogs; some of people I know, some of strangers. I read two this morning - one that I stumbled upon and one of a friend. Well I want to be part of the cool blogging group too. So here's my list of 100 things about me.

1. I love books. They are a weakness of mine.
2. Last May I graduated with a BA in psychology and another one in English literature.
3. I have lived in Virginia three times. I moved to Norfolk when I was three and left when I was eight. I moved to Virginia Beach when I was 10 and left when I was 12. I moved to Williamsburg when I was 22 and left when I was 23.
4. Even though I lived two hours from Mexico for two years and currently live about eight hours away from Canada, the only foreign country I've ever been to is Japan.
5. I like hot showers.
6. I love drinking chocolate soy milk.
7. My favorite art period is the Impressionist period ca. 1900 France.
8. Recently, I have been informed that I am angry more than the average person and that I have anger management problems.
9. I love breakfast foods.
10. My favorite car that I owned was a red 1996 VW Jetta GT.
11. I am the oldest of 7 kids.
12. When I was younger I wanted a baby sister and an older brother.
13. I like having my picture taken.
14. As a rule, I don't generally like beer.
15. I'm a beer snob. If I'm going to drink it, it has to be good beer - not some cheap domestic shit other people drink just to drink.
16. I don't know the differences between the conjugations and tenses of the words "lay" and "lie." That really bothers me.
17. I am in love with the most wonderful man. His name is Kelly. He does things like spends his entire lunch break cleaning out the car because he knows it will make me happy.
18. There will be a wedding in our honor in 34 days.
19. The battery on my cell phone falls off so now I have it taped on ghetto-fashion with black electrical tape.
20. Growing up, I idolized my cousin Jolie.
21. I love getting riled up about social injustices.
22. I work at a shelter for kids in crisis situations. It is difficult, emotionally stressful work.
23. Working at a homeless shelter for kids has made me realize the importance of leading a life without crime and crack and just how much can be accomplished when you love a kid. When you love your kid.
24. I like loading the dishwasher.
25. I hate unloading the dishwasher.
26. I like sweeping.
27. I hate vacuuming.
28. Vacuuming reminds me of high school when my mom's husband would freak out if I hadn't vacuumed by the time he got home from work.
29. Some of the stories the shelter kids tell me about their parents remind me of my mom's husband.
30. I'm glad my mom's husband is dead.
31. I'm glad me and my siblings never had to go to a shelter.
32. I'm still dealing with a lot of nonsense from my growing years.
33. I don't like animals as a general rule.
34. I love my puppy Radley.
35. My favorite singers are those with smart lyrics.
36. I have a weakness for teen-pop and hip hop.
37. I'm looking forward to Missy Elliott's new CD, due out on June 28.
38. At one time, I had metal in 14 piercings. Most of that has been removed and now all that remains are the puncture marks.
39. I am a free-lance writer for the Idaho Business Review.
40. I hate journalism.
41. Usually, I drink water.
42. I'm starting to like tomatoes less, the older I get.
43. I was a waitress for two months.
44. I thought waitressing was the dirtiest, most horrific job ever.
45. I make sure to buy the nice tissues with lotion in them so they feel good on my nose.
46. Boise is home.
47. I danced for 11 years. Two of those years I taught hip hop.
48. I want to teach high school English.
49. Whole milk makes me gag.
50. I love knitting and have a lot of projects on my list, but just can't seem to find the time lately to get them started.
51. I like wine.
52. I love theatre.
53. Messiness and clutter really bother me.
54. I always wanted someone to make me a bookshelf when I was growing up. Since literature and owning books are so important to me, I saw the act of someone constructing a bookshelf for me by hand as an incredibly personal and meaningful gesture.
55. Kelly made me a bookshelf for Christmas this past year.
56. I don't like holidays. I think that for the most part, holidays (especially Christmas) are American inventions designed to get people to spend money they don't have and boost our self-conscious economy.
57. I have spent a great deal of energy as an adult redefining the meaning I attribute to holidays and how they apply to me.
58. I used to want to be a school counselor.
59. I moved to Williamsburg, Virginia last year to attend a graduate program at The College of William and Mary in school counseling.
60. While in Williamsburg I discovered that I want to work in a school but that I don't want to do that as a counselor. I also discovered that I love counseling but that it's something I need to wait on for a little while.
61. This fall I will start another graduate program. This time at Boise State. This time in English teaching.
62. I learned wonderful, priceless lessons at W&M. I also made some wonderful, priceless friends.
63. I like salmon.
64. I only started liking fish at all about two years ago.
65. I like doing laundry one load at a time.
66. Doing six loads of laundry in one day is annoying to me.
67. Today, I will probably do six loads of laundry.
68. I am particular about grammar and punctuation.
69. I don't generally enjoy watching kids' movies.
70. I want my kids to be born liking movies like The Royal Tanenbaums, I (heart) Huckabees and Napoleon Dynamite.
71. I don't plan to have kids for at least another five years.
72. I have a backable fear that I may not be able to have kids.
73. If I can't have kids I don't want to spend millions on fertilization therapy. There are tons of kids in this world I could adopt.
74. I will not adopt tons of kids. Just a couple will more than suffice.
75. I've never undergone fertilization therapy, but I have been through therapy.
76. I like going to counseling.
77. I think group counseling is an amazing process.
78. I would like to join an anger management group.
79. I would like to attend couple's counseling.
80. I feel privileged to be OK with counseling. I also feel privileged to know that counseling can be just as proactive in your life as it can be healing.
81. I am incredibly introspective.
82. I believe in astrology, tarot and psychic energy.
83. I do not believe in gods of any sort or any creation.
84. I believe too many people use their belief in God or religion in general as a crutch. Or as an escape from consciously examining reality and their place in the world.
85. I prefer dark chocolate.
86. I love whipped cream from a can.
87. I have friends all over the world. Well, all over the states and in the Netherlands.
88. I love the new family I am acquiring through my union with Kelly and I feel privileged to be accepted by them.
89. I like to win.
90. I like to be a gracious winner.
91. I never want to be the parent who thinks they have the best-at-everything kid. I never want to be that short-sighted.
92. It really bothers me when people don't teach their children or their pets manners.
93. I'm teaching Radley the command "that's rude" for times when he's bothering people who don't want to be bothered. I honestly think he's picking it up.
94. The thought just entered my head that I should go back and make sure I didn't skip a number inadvertently. I probably will because I'm meticulous like that.
95. I can become severely depressed by doing something as simple and meaningless as shopping for pants.
96. I was a Girl Scout leader for two years. I miss my girls.
97. I have a close relationship with my parents. All three of them.
98. I recently discovered that I like pears.
99. I have had multiple surgeries on my mouth, half of them with a laser. I need to call my dentist this morning to schedule another one.
100. I need to go start another load of laundry and fold the last one.

Those Wacky Canadians

Last night I was at my mom's house to hang out and take my 10-year-old brother to Boy Scouts. I also was able to accompany the fam to the elementary school for their annual book fair. In the Suburban on the way to the school, TJay, the previously mentioned brother, was goofing off, making weird noises and just plain being silly.

"TJay, what are you doing?!?" queried my mother.

"I'm being a Canadian," he sincerely replied.

Confused, she questioned, "What?!?"

He explained. "You know, I'm making people laugh."

Asked my mother: "Do you mean comedian?"

He Did It Again

So I've completely lost count in this whole dog pen issue. Stuff has been happening so quickly that I can't write about it fast enough. Basically it boils down to the fact that Kelly was certain Radley's pen was akin to Alcatraz. Until yesterday, that is, when the pooch met me at the back door again when he was supposed to be on an island off the coast of California. He chewed through the wooden lattice holding him captive. Kelly's next step is to replace all the wooden lattice with plastic. This dog is a master.

Evidently, some elephants escaped from a Soeul, Korea zoo. I imagine they wreaked a little havoc here and there. My proposal is this: We should hire out our dog to test pens for holding other animals, inmates...things like that. If he can't get out in a week's time, it's gold. Otherwise, they pay us twice. We could get rich quick off this scheme!

Stewart-4, Houdini-4

Point values were awarded for the following:

Stewart received one point for constructing "the Rock." It was believed that Houdini would be unable to defeat this design.

Houdini mastered the design and escaped the following afternoon. One point.

Stewart filled the holes created by the "Rock" design that allowed Houdini's jailbreak. One point.

As a forecast for future reports, Houdini is currently formulating a plan for his next flight of freedom. He is chewing his way through the wooden latticework.

Stewart-2, Houdini-3

Two days ago, Stewart attempted a quick-fix in the fence scenario with the thought that the pup would be duped.

Within minutes, the ever-resourceful Houdini once again scaled the latticework and ran gleefully up to the porch. It appeared as though Houdini did in fact utilize upper body strength, much as a human would perform a pull-up.

A point has been awarded to Houdini for seeing through Stewart's slap-dash job. No points were awarded to Stewart.

"It's on," said Stewart. "This weekend that dog is mine! He will go down!"

The only comment from Houdini was a triumphant expression at the back door.

Anew

I have changed things around a bit. I like it better this way. Still having problems with a few things, though. If you know a lot about computer code and would be able/willing to help with some (most likely) easy questions (hint, hint Crispy), I would love you forever.

Stewart-2, Houdini-2

In the latest course of heated events between Martha and Harry, it appears as though the two contenders are running neck and neck.

Stewart pulled ahead this weekend by adding to the fence surrounding Houdini's pen. The pup was discontented with this and expressed possible interest in defeat. The crafty fellow discovered a way to jump even higher the next day, however, and therefore escape once again.

"I really thought I had him this time," said Stewart after Houdini's latest break-through. "But he waited until he knew I didn't have any time left this weekend to fix the fence again. Now he has another week to ruin the garden. The little fucker."

Stewart's new plan is to angle the top of the fence inward, to deter Houdini's leaps. Stewart believes this should work since Houdini is limited on upper body strength and lacks opposable thumbs. This reporter isn't so sure about that.

Anniversary

A year ago today, I slept in and then spent some time that afternoon doing homework. Then I took a shower, got dressed and met Kelly for our first date.

A year ago today, I sat across the table from a near stranger engaged in a conversation I knew I wanted to continue for the rest of my life.

A year ago today, it became all right for me to make plans with another person. It became all right to dream, to expect, to know.

A year ago today, my life changed for the better.

Adieu, Banking

A year and a half ago, I quit working for Wells Fargo under the impression that I would never return to that line of work. Don't get me wrong, there are some mild benefits that go along with a position at a bank...The benefits (medical, dental, etc.) that I didn't use were good benefits. I got many a date from bank customers. It taught me a lot about the banking process, which is something I knew little about but has come in handy many times since then. I made friends with my coworkers, two of whom recently had babies. And I learned how to 10-key like a madman.

But there were also the drawbacks of said position. For instance, doing 100 deposits a day. The same way. For people who think their transaction is the most important, unique and down right beautiful transaction in the entire universe. Every once in a while there's a withdrawal. The reverse of a deposit. Sometimes a little more challenging because you have to ask for ID.

I often said that a monkey could do my job. After my last one-month stint at a Wells Fargo return, however, I've decided that even something less animate than a monkey could do that job. Honestly, they're making ATMs so well now that they can practically make coffee and change the baby at the same time. You can already view statements, transfer money, withdrawal funds and deposit money from the ATM. At some ATMs you can purchase stamps. Some are equipped for deaf and/or blind people. I don't think it is a stretch to give ATMs the capacity to print travellers checks and cashiers checks as well. Stop staffing the bank, have all employees work just for the vault or the phone bank because people will still need customer service and presto! a streamlined banking process where no one has to stand around all day pushing buttons and being nice to people when they don't really care and counting to 100 by 20 a billion times a day.

But then, there are actually people who love the job. I don't get those people at all. They think it's fun or cool or whatever. They like getting up and going in to work in the morning.

Well I'm not one of them. Two days ago was my last day at Wells Fargo. Again. But this time for real. See, this time I just really needed the job and thought I could live through it - live through the agony of something I see as interminably pointless. I was a big, fat liar. I hated being there and I hated myself for being there. So I am through.

On a side note, my blog is kind of ugly as of late. I thought it would be fun to deck out my blog in wedding colors, but now I just think it looks kind of funny. I'll fix it later...

Shout Outs

Shout out #1:
Hannah now has a blog. It is good and everyone should read it.

Shout out #2:
Kelly has posted a few things on his blog. Everyone should read that, too.

Baby Steps

I have made some startling accomplishments recently. I've learned some stuff about myself, realized some stuff about Kelly, and started learning to let go of things that only hurt me. I also mailed nearly all the wedding invitations this morning. Just a few more to finish up and I'm done for ever. These have been a big enough pain in the butt to deter me from marrying ever again. And if I do happen to get married once more, I'll pay someone to do them for me. Which is what I think everyone should do anyway.

Here's To Grace

A couple posts ago, Grace asked about wedding details. Of course they're no secret. I'll tell you what I can think of - I just hope it's mildly interesting. If I leave anything out, just ask.

The wedding is going to be at the Boise Train Depot (I posted some photos below). It used to be an actual train depot, used for uh trains and the like, but it isn't any more. It's still an actual depot, just not used for trains and the like. Now it's primarily used for weddings. We fall into the latter category since we're not trains.

Anyway, the inside is beautiful and ornate, so we're not going to decorate at all. I had to argue with my mom and her mother who are both tulle-happy maniacs, but I think they finally see it my way. Or they've just given up. Either way, I'm happy. Plus, the depot has severe rules against tape, staples, helium balloons, pets, rice, bubbles, bird seed or anything else you think of as relatively harmless because it is a historic building and we're contracted to honor that.

On one end of the hall there are stairs, so we're using the stairs rather than an aisle. I hate the idea of having an aisle. The girls will be in plain black dresses that they've picked out to look good and be comfortable on them. The guys will be in black pants and red shirts and red ties. Kelly, black suit, red shirt, red tie. Me, white dress with a red strip along the top and the hem.The girls will all carry a single tulip and then we'll bind those together for the bouquet toss, since I'm not going to carry anything. The flowers will be simple, just lily of the valley and tulips, even though Kelly's aunts went insane in .03 seconds over the thought that we may not be able to obtain tulips in the end of May. If that's the case we'll use something else that we can get. No big deal. I don't care. They're flowers. The tablecloths and chairs will be black, the linen white. A string quartet will play for the ceremony, a DJ for the reception. A judge will marry us. We'll have a buffet-style dinner of some pork dish and some beef dish and then some stuff on the side like salad and rolls and potatoes and broccoli. Wine, beer, juice, soda. Cake is nasty, so we're having an ice cream sundae bar instead.

Hmmm...That's about all I can come up with for now. It will be a fun evening wedding, so hopefully people will stay and dance and have a good time with it all. If not, they can just leave their presents by the door and never call us again.

Here's a picture of the front of the Boise train depot where the wedding will be in less than two months.

Here's the back of the train depot.

The depot has beautiful gardens and fountains with a large koi pond. Here's one part of the fountain.

This is a view of Boise from the train depot. Right now you're looking up Capitol Boulevard toward the capitol building. Usually there's no weird orange cones. I don't know why the web site I got this from chose to take pictures on a day when orange cones would litter the view.

Actual Marriage Advice From Actual Veterans

* When you're married, it's all right not to care what you look like any more.

* Here's how to make things work for yourself: Learn to beg for forgiveness afterward rather than asking for permission beforehand.

* No more blow jobs. Ever.

* After the honeymoon period is when the broom comes out. She'll turn into a witch before you know it.

* He'll stop listening. He's just still trying to impress you.

* You're both going to want to control the others spending habits. You can't have joint accounts. It's a bad idea.

* The sex will slow to a trickle. And good sex will basically stop.

* The romance will end.

* He'll stop holding the door for you.

* Marriage changes the ways you interact with each others' families.

* He's going to feel held back.

* She's not going to let him get away with stuff any more.

* He'll feel comfortable looking at other women again because it's safe for him to check girls out now that everyone knows he's tied down.




Ahhh...If only they knew...

My Roommates: Martha Stewart and Houdini

Last week I worked some absurd amount of hours, totalling around 65. Kelly, however, had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. So, while I worked all three of those days, he busied himself around the house. He built a pen and house for Radley (to be discussed momentarily), hung out with my brother, helped with wedding invitations and cleaned up around the house. Sunday, we hosted dinner to eight family members. For this feat, Kelly cleaned the house, clearing out all clutter and replacing it with fresh flowers. He swept, dusted, did dishes and rearranged furniture. Additionally, he shopped for and prepared a delicious meal for ten of champagne chicken in a creamy mushroom sauce, fettucini and broccoli. I'm calling the networks this week to see if we can get him on air during the day with his own program. I think the ratings will be great!

Ah, yes, the pen and house...Well to my knowledge the house is doing well. The pen on the other hand...

Radley thinks it is fun to dig in our garden. We firmly disagree. There's a section of our yard in the back near the shed that Kelly and I thought would make a great space to section off and put the pup in it while we're gone. He wouldn't be able to reach the garden, but it would be large enough that he has more than enough room to run in and be comfortable. The first two days it was all right. The third day he met us at the back door when we came home. He had found an out by moving a piece of concrete in the corner of the pen. Kelly fixed it. Last night, he met us at the back door again when we came home. Evidently, he has learned that he can jump this four-foot fence with little effort. He sort of puts his paws in it and then pulls himself up and over. Kelly put him back out there and watched him do it so he could learn the secrets of the master.

The pen debacle has now turned into a battle of wits between Martha and Houdini. More to come on that one...

Wedding Plans

Well, the wedding plans are coming along OK. I thought I would write a little something about it since the whole ordeal is in two months and people ask me about it all the time. No, neither one of us are stressed out about it. Planning this is not difficult. We've actually had a lot of fun with it. I wish I would have decided to have someone else do the invitations rather than make it all myself, but that's fine. I wanted to make sure they were done right and didn't want someone else to mess them up. They'll be out in a couple days. Everything is basically scheduled and paid for, just waiting to show up on the day. Being a bride is nothing in the way of something to be scared, nervous, concerned or nervous over. Now, if everyone else would just calm down about it...

I Can Hold You Down And Save Your Life

Because of my new job working at a youth-in-crisis shelter, I am required to know first aid, CPR and how to restrain an individual. Today was my first aid and CPR training courses, which I passed with flying colors. Last week was my class on how to restrain people. Now I am officially certified in all three areas. That means I can certifiably restrain you while administering CPR and bandaging a severe wound all at the same time.

Maybe He's No Romeo

The other night, Kelly thought it would be nice to be sweet and romantic. Radley, however, had other plans. He thought it was time to play...And time to play rough. Kelly was trying to hard to ignore him, but that just seemed to encourage the pup. And then I was laughing because Radley was severely thwarting all Kelly's efforts by running between his legs and jumping up on him and licking his toes while he was trying to walk. So the romance didn't work out so well, but it was an enjoyable evening nonetheless.

(I'm going out on a limb here in finishing the song lyrics, since I usually get them wrong. Will someone let me know either way?)

Maybe he's no Romeo, but he's my lovin one man show. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Let's hear it for the boy!

One Measly Letter

Last Friday I received a letter offering me a job teaching English 101 at Boise State University on scholarship. I'm very excited about this.

Yesterday I received a letter offering me admittance to Boise State University. I expected this letter to come first, but I'm not going to argue with their methods. I'm very excited about this.

In December I asked a W&M prof to write me a letter of recommendation. This was after she had offered. I called. I emailed. I provided her with all necessary documents to write said letter, due February 1. She never mailed this letter. Now, the two letters I've received from Boise State may be null and void without it. Boise State is offering me a little extra time to get this in, but it's no excuse for this professor, who had two months time to do this for me. I'm not very excited about this.

Customer Service

In the last couple weeks, I have been trained for two "customer service" positions.

At Express they emphasize how we need to "do what's right for the customer." We need to assess their clothing needs and aid them into and out of the fitting rooms with the appropriate items, sizes and colors. If we're nice to them and provide a good shopping experience then they will leave happy and have a better day and come back later to see their new good friends at Express.

Bullshit.

That's all trashy, trashy propaganda sent down to the menial wage workers on the selling floor from corporate offices where the only concern is stock prices and amounts of sold merchandise. They know that if people are happy, they spend more. That makes them richer. And so through my labor figuring out peoples' sizes and rehanging endless piles of rejected clothing (compensated at a measly six dollars an hour), these high-up people-in-suits gain privileges in life. Like the privilege of owning a new BMW every year and a house with eight walk-in closets. But ah...first I have to be nice to the customer.

At Wells Fargo, they teach us at "Base Camp" that our primary goal is not to be a financial institution. We are not here to be everyone's banker first. Our company aims not at making money or increasing its customer base. No. Wells Fargo's first line of business is in trust. We are a company of trust. People must trust us before they will give us their business, and that begins with the people they see the most - the tellers. A teller must act as the primary line of defense for each customer against fraud and as the first line of communication from the company. We want them to know us, like us and trust us. If we know them we can help them to have a better day simply by being nice to them and providing them with a good banking experience.

Bullshit.

Once more...When people are happy, they spend more money. You trust people who are nice to you, even if they're scamming you because you're so enthralled with the fact that they're being nice to you that you don't stop to think that this nice person could be doing bad things with you or your money.

My new theory is that "customer service" is something created by corporations to ensure fat paychecks on top. I receive zero compensation by being nice to customers, really. They try the intrinsic reward system...You know..."You will feel better about your job when you know your customer's name." "You will enjoy working here more if you are personally invested."

"Customer service" is fake. I can be the nicest person to a customer even when I've had a shitty day, my feet hurt and I just want to go home. I'm lying to them by being nice, really.

I'm sick of everyone making such a big deal out of "customer service" because it's simply a ploy by big businesses to get the little guys to work harder for them. All the mall employees and servers in this nation could stop caring and just be themselves at work and people would still shop and eat out. When you deal with people in those situations, it's not so much the "customer service" that matters as much as it is how well you can handle the stress of said positions and the myriad ways people treat you like crap. Personal survival with a paycheck as the outcome. Nothing more.

Contraband Grapes

Evidently, it is illegal to ship wine in the states.

Since the prohibition repeal 70 years ago, each state has developed its own system of laws surrounding sale, trade and consumption of alcohol. Well I knew that. But that includes wine. I guess I just always looked at wine as this innocent little drink from an elegant bottle. Not so. Wine is just as potentially devistating as Jose Cuervo, just as conceivably illicit as a Jack and Coke.

Well, there are some states with less stringent laws on the buying and selling of wine across borders. California and Idaho are two of them, which bodes well for a transaction to hopefully be taking place in my near future with a little Californian I know. However, there are a few states that maintain tighter controls on the grapey substance. For these states there is an organization called Free the Grapes!. Their website states that "Free the Grapes! is a national, grassroots coalition of consumers and wineries who seek to remove restrictions in 24 states that still prohibit consumers from purchasing wines directly from out-of-state wineries." Check out the website for a picture of the most pissed off grape ever.

I wonder...That grape is pissed off because it can't be sold across state borders and consumed without the aid of a corporation of sorts. Don't you think grapes would be more pissed off about being viciously ripped from the home of their vines, carelessly tossed into ugly wicker baskets, painfully crushed and stomped, combined with foreign ingredients, fermented, bottled and placed on a shelf? I think that would do it for me. Maybe it's pissed because it went through all that for nothing.

Either way, the picture is cool. And the grape is wearing shackles. I think grapes should wear shakles more frequently.

Working Girl

I worked 50.5 hours this week, eight at Express and the rest at Wells Fargo. I know I said I never wanted to work for Wells ever again, but I was desperate for something so I applied and it was downhill from there. I work with some of the nicest women in Boise, so that makes it less bad.

I was also offered a position Thursday as a Youth Specialist in an in-home care facility through the Idaho Youth Ranch. The hours are lousy, but it isn't banking and is definitely more along the lines of what I want to do with my life. I think I'm going to balance that job with the bank and 86 Express.

Since I worked 50.5 hours this week I feel estranged in my own home. It's like I haven't been here in eight days. The only things I've done here lately are shower, dress and sleep. Kelly and I got to sleep in together this morning - the first time since we were in Portland two weeks ago - and we'll get to spend the whole day together (even if five hours of that will be at Public Television while he's working), also the first time since Portland. As I look around my house right now, I see the signs of neglect from two people who have been ON THE GO...random things left out on any random flat spot, unswept floors, mail piled on the kitchen counter, shoes tossed haphazardly to the outskirts of the room. Ah, the joys of working full time...

I Always Wanted To Be A Flight Attendant

I unsuspectingly stepped out of the miniature version of a half-bathroom into a closet-size space occupied by two men.

"You gonna pass out peanuts?" the shorter man asked. He pointed to the basket of shiney, logo-covered peanut packages.

Willing to go along with him, I replied confidently. "Sure!"

I don't think either he or the taller man were expecting me to actually respond. I would imagine that if he's ever done that before, people stare at him and bumble some sort of attempt at a response.

"All right," he said.

I picked up the basket. "Are you serious? Because if you are, I'm doing it."

"Yea I'm serious," he said. "Come on, we can do it together."

He passed out peanuts in the ABC seats while I took care of the DEF seats. We passed by my travel companion, that also unsuspecting man in my life, in his aisle seat. He looked up me twice, but quickly returned to his magazine.

The shorter man asked questions about my trip - why I was going and had I been there before. I told him to visit family and yes. A woman around row 12 in an E seat asked me if she could use her laptop now. I granted her permission.

Both men offered my travel companion and myself an on-the-house beverage for my labor. We thanked them, but just ordered water.

After returning to my seat, the taller man brought my water. Half way through enjoying the contents of that plastic cup I decided I was getting hungry and thought a snack would be good about then. That was when I realized it. I didn't grab peanuts for myself.

Snip Snip

I took Radley to the vet this morning for the standard puppy shots and responsible dog owner procedure of having him neutered. I was really excited to take him in because he'll be so subdued tonight when we bring him home. Kelly said I was looking forward too much to having our dog drugged up. When I took him in, because he was a stray (and is apparently from what the ladies at the desk could tell a pure bredpointer around 4 months old), they scanned him for a microchip. Since he didn't have one, though, we're putting one in him so we can really claim that he's ours. When I was leaving him, I felt like I was leaving my baby. I had explained to him in the car that I was only leaving him there for the day and that the doctors were nice people who would take very good care of him and that Kelly would pick him up this evening, but I still felt a sad sense of abandon in just leaving him there. I think I may have almost felt better waiting in the lobby for them to be through with him.

But that passed after I drove away and the reality that he is a dog in the good hands of a skilled professional rushed back to me. In the meantime, I'm making sure he'll be comfy and a little spoiled tonight when he comes home.

Quandries

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. For no good reason, really. I discussed it with Kelly, but he didn't have any answers either. I wonder how blind people know they're wiped clean after pooping. I think this is a very serious topic. I mean, sometimes you have to wipe a lot, nearly filling the toilet with toilet paper, and sometimes you hardly have to wipe at all. You know how much wiping needs to be done based on what you see. But if you can't see, then how do you know? Would you do a standard four wipes like Kelly recommended and then just change your underwear if you start to smell bad a little later? What if you're at school or work and forgot a clean pair of underwear? It's not like you can have someone in the bathroom with you every time you poop to check for you to make sure you're clean. Or if you're blind and your senses really are heightened like they say, does that include your sense of touch on your bum? I doubt it, but I've never been blind so I don't really know.

I'm sure Surita would have something to say about this.